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(1) Be the Residents (oh, but wait! Didn't they
release an album on Enigma, a major label (that died an ignoble, bankrupt death, and never
really made the big leagues), and probably SOLD a few thousand copies (sell-outs!)? Didn't
they do a soundtrack for a show on the Discovery Channel that didn't run for much time?
Weren't they voted like 49th on a People Magazine poll of the most interesting people of
1998 (how many people voted - how many several times - and how many were already diehard
fans?)? I guess they don't qualify...).
(2) Have comb-and-paper, bagpipes, macaroni-in-a-paper-cup percussion and lyrics sung
phonetically in Esperanto by someone with strep throat as your only instrumentation, and
release the results initially on a limited-to-15 run of 16 RPM vinyl - then reissued on
reel-to-reel tape.
(3) Only record for independent labels (though remember - Kill Rock Stars is NOT an
independent label, even though it's based out of a tiny apartment over a laundromat or
something, because they have Sleater-Kinney on the label, and everyone knows,
without being able to say how, that THEY'VE sold out - so the label is tainted by
association. If you can get the record anywhere in the world outside of the town (or,
indeed, the PO Box/laundromat/phonebooth) the label is based in, it's not an independent
label - remember that (sarcasm))
(4) Never make any money - don't recover your costs - don't you even THINK about trying to
pay your rent from the work that means everything in the world to you - survival is
selling out...
(5)If you feel you MUST do interviews, refuse to speak in anything but Swahili. That
should dissuade most people from appreciating your work.
(6) And, finally...NEVER RELEASE ANYTHING! - only in this way can your work be entirely
pure...it's true that means you won't actually be noticed - but, hey! sometimes you have
to stop creating in order to be independently artistic...
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