A bunch of mumbling about my self and my thoughts
Goals: Getting this web page up, graduating high school, Moving out and going to College to become an Interior Designer (no not an interior decorator) Interior Designers are similar to Architect except they deal with the interior space of structures, and they need less school. A relationship would be great too. Stop hold on I might want to be a porfessional web designer. This is my first crack at it and my non gay home page is looking even better than this one.
Telling my family and friends that I am gay is an important goal, but I don't want to because I don't want to be beat up every day at school, and I need my parents to pay for me to help me when I do move out to go to school, I don't know how they would react, but I've been letting enough pass for them to figure it out. I know my older sister would support me if I were open about my sexuality, but my brother wouldn't. What does amaze me is that some people at school can figure out that I�m gay (I say I am not when they ask me), but my family can't. I really do think I should just come out and be over with the secrecy, but dam I've been hiding my sexuality from others for so long it just seems like the best thing to do at this time.
My story: If you realy want to embaress yourself this is how you do it. I first really began to notice my sexuality was different when I started going to public swimming pool in about 3rd grade, I found I was always comparing my self to the other guys and the men. Then I started taking peeps at the men changing hoping they wouldn�t notice me. When I hit puberty I knew I was gay Women didn�t interest me but men did. That's when I started avoiding change rooms. I became to be afraid of what others would say if I had a hard on. I avoided nude situations when ever possible. I wore long T-shirts so no one could get a good look at me. I changed in bathroom stall a couple of times. I was glad that I never had to have a shower after gym class. In High school I was lucky gym was last period and no one bother to take showers. I haven�t taken another gym class for that reason and that I hated the Jocks sense of humor. Talk about a odd phobia. I am not afraid of getting a hard on now I know how to avoid getting hard, you just got to learn to be mellow, and/or keep your mind elsewhere. Of course that's easy now just because the novelty of seeing guys nude has worn off. Im not 12 anymore things just don't pop up at the sight of one sightly sexualy stimulant. Some people might find joking around helpful distraction from sexual urges. Some gay men smoke to ease the tensions but, you really shouldn�t, health, money, appearance, smell it's too much, but allot of gay men do. I don't smoke since well I just said... and well smoking won't help when you can't smoke.