Recovery Tactics

 Rudy Johnson

RE: Defect Behavior

SELF-CENTEREDNESS: (Selfishness, Preoccupation with my own needs and wants) ME!" First and last, The Big "I", Without regards for the interests, welfare, needs or simple care of others. Of course, this will focus on my abuse of mood altering substances as well as the behavior that demonstrates the simple fact that my wants and needs come first, that I was preoccupied about myself before others or my responsibilities.

ALIBIS: The dormant tendency to excuse my behavior, the "reasons" I give myself and others for my behavior rather than taking full responsibility, facing the consequences of my behavior, blaming others, events, even things. Anything to justify my irresponsible behavior. This is denial in its most destructive form because it attacks directly at honesty, which is the heart of the program. It can also be generally referred to as lying, phoniness or dishonest thinking. It's all a form of denial, of cover-up, maintaining a false front. Honesty begins by facing dishonesty!

FALSE PRIDE: (The root of all defect behaviors, a major defense falsely intended to defend my low self-esteem in the face of evidence of irresponsibility) It is a deep and pervasive tendency to falsely build up my ego through exaggeration, arrogance, bragging and show off deception. Again, a defensive denial of reality and my part/share in it.

RESENTMENTS: Those hates, angers and hostilities that consume us from within, around by real or imagined wrongs or injuries done to us. It is a witness to our inability to forgive, a demonstration of our deep over-sensitivity, a total waste of precious energy that I need to face reality, solve problems, seek reconciliation's, etc. We do nothing about our destructive anger, except to feed it from within or retaliate and seek revenge from without. It is important that each of our significant resentments be listed one by one in their order of importance (of their power and control over our sanity), talk them over with your counselor and, if possible, be dealt with responsibly. It is sometimes an awesome challenge to surrender (give up) our well protected resentments. It is a measure of your admission and acceptance of the value of the program to decide to commit yourself to this on-going task. This is reject behavior in one of its most destructive forms because it makes meaningful relationships with others so very difficult.

INTOLERANCE: The refusal to bear with another human being's beliefs, values, habits, practices, customs or even condition of life that differs from your own. It's reject behavior that witnesses to your rigidity, narrow-mindedness, self-centered concern, moralistic judgment of others, etc. To learn to accept yourself is the answer (maybe by experiencing others accepting you!) It's certainly difficult to get close to an intolerant person. They poison the atmosphere of love and concern.

IMPATIENCE: Perhaps less powerful in it's destructive impact on others than resentments or intolerance, but undoubtedly more troublesome and uncomfortable in everyday living simply because it happens so frequently. It refers to my difficulty suffering any delays on my time, interests, needs or wants. I can't breach any opposition to my views. I'm impatient with pain, interruptions, even my own impatience. It's a witness to my comfort. Certainly, a witness to my lack of acceptance. It strains relationships. Think of how uneasy my impatience has made others.

ENVY & JEALOUSY: The uncomfortable, self-centered preoccupation with another person's personal gifts, material well being or good fortune. Nothing suits you or is good enough for you. You can always see the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. It's the radical avoidance of responsibility, or involvement with reality, the upsetting preoccupation with the ever-present wishful thinking, the big "IF . . . ." Nothing can please you for long, simply because you cannot please you for long: deep-seated self- rejection.

PROCRASTINATION: Literally waiting for a miracle tomorrow that never comes. It's refusal to be responsible now for whatever reason. It's putting things off. Postponing no matter whom suffers at my negligence. And of course, every putting off requires a whole series of manipulations. For example, how long did you put off facing your alcoholism or chemical dependency?

FEELINGS EASILY HURT: My inner hypersensitivity to life, person, circumstances and events. A Persistent form of self-centered preoccupation that makes life so uncomfortable for me and anyone else. It's been described as an angry need to get even, punish others for the slightest slight, in short, believe and demand that I be treated in a God like fashion. It is grandiose and leads directly to self-pity, which is a plea to the world to take care of me.

SELF-PITY: The totally unmanageable feeling that no one cares for me, life is against me, and God couldn't care less. A simple projection of my own lack of interest, care, or involvement. I refuse to participate in real life . . . . for whatever reason. God, others and creation itself becomes my scapegoat. This defect is a real debilitater. It literally robs me of all my energies. I am totally preoccupied with my belief that the world owes me a living. The fact that I am such a sensitive person (feelings easily hurt), is closely connected to self-pity. Underneath it all is my defeatist attitude, my negative belief (I am not capable or worthwhile or acceptable) my fear of the basic struggle of life. I'm a quitter on life, on self, on others, ON GOD! That's tough to face, but it gets close to the heart of matter.

FEARS, WORRIES, & ANXIETIES: The three musketeers, collaborators in destructive behavior, robbers of energy needed for living, destroyers of Faith & Trust & Confidence, saboteurs of any deep relationship, etc. We all have fears. They, dominated by them, controlled by them beyond all reason possess some people. Terrible tyrants and a pitiless prison. Yet, for these too, we must claim responsibility and face them. Our fears, worries and anxieties are clues to those areas of our persons where we need to grow up.

WHAT REALLY THREATENS YOU? GUILT, SHAME & REMORSE: In their destructive form, evidences of our immoderate, irresponsible, infantile, immature and childish behavior and our stubborn refusal to change the course of our lives. We hang unto imagined pleasure, self-esteem and some elusive sense of power at all costs to others and ourselves. UN-remitted guilt is our on going excuse for continued defect behavior. It matters little whether the guilt is real or false. All guilt feels the same unless we deal with the "Biggies!" The need to escape the pain will continue. Refusal to let loose of our guilt is an expression of pride. God is not powerful enough to forgive me. No human being, if they really knew me, could forgive me. I can't forgive myself! Pretty Grandiose!! It is important to your self-acceptance that you deal with your quilts, sense of shame and remorse's. What are you most ashamed of? Get it all out. It's done enough damage! It's a simple program. You are perhaps beginning to realize how much faith, decision and commitment it takes to simply face yourself. Without excuses. Without denial, minimizing or self-justification. Just the facts. AND LET THE BEHAVIOR SPEAK FOR ITSELF!!

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