Mascara

One thing I have not been asked by the staff of the TGForum to write about are any "how to" tips on makeup and for good reason. I have yet to perfect my own technique much less ready to destruct, err... I mean instruct others on their optimal use. One good thing about my Lasik surgery is that I can no longer see my mistakes as easily as I once could. So if I can not see them, well naturally you can't see them either (I was very good in logic in college).

But there is one item of makeup that has always held a fascination for me and that is mascara. I am not sure why but I think it has to be the magic of watching your lashes growing before your very eyes as that mystical wand passes ever so gently over them. How mascara works is still one the great unsolved mysteries of life. So I thought I would delve deeper into the subject and impart on you my findings and perceptions on this wondrous marvel.

I am sure that mascara was not always called mascara. In fact, I have it on good authority that it was originally called "mass error". As you and I both know that one boo boo with the wand and your whole makeup job is shot. And like an addictive drug we tend to want more and more and more. However, the marketing department at Maybelline decided in its wisdom that they had to have a better name than "mass error" thereby the birth of mascara.

The marketers also decided that they could milk the public for every red, copper, zinc and every other colored penny we have. Have you ever thought about the price per ounce of that stuff? At prices well over hundreds of dollars an ounce, one would think that futures in mascara would sold on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange when in actually the true manufacturing cost is more in line with a dollar (I have heard that OPEC wants in of the action). But no, the cosmetic companies stick a few drops in a bottle with a fancy wand and poof - magically the price goes up (magic wands are expensive).

Does anyone know why there are so many different wands too? Is there an advantage of one over the other? Is there a better wand to stick in our eyes than another? Do the wands really make a difference building thicker, longer, more lush lashes? Again a mystery kept in the secret vaults deep in marketing.

I believe that if you analyze the ingredients in a tube of mascara you will find the most addictive substance known to medical science. Why else would we continue to build out our lashes to a length so that when you flutter your eyes, you can circulate air and cool the room at the same time. Or we put it on so thick that we build one great lash that is so heavy that we need mechanical aids to keep our eyes open.

Yet in defense of the product, there is still the magic of seeing your lashes grow to a lovely length and nothing adds to the eyes as a few well aimed passes of the magic wand. One of the strangest versions of mascara is the clear color (oxy moron there). At first I was wondering why would anyone use invisible mascara but then the emperor did have new clothes. Well to tell you the truth, I have been using and I love it. One thing is that I can wear it to work with drawing undue attention to myself, but also the most important fact is that when I stick it in me eye or make a boo boo no one but me knows. Invisible "mass error" no one knows but you (ah the magic of it all).

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