The Reverse Crossdresser
Connie stares in the bedroom mirror. She is a perfectionist. She is also a full-time pre-op TS. She turns her head this way and that and making sure her hair is just right. She then with heavy sigh looks again and fights back the tears because this is a special day. It is her son's birthday. She looks at his picture on the dresser and thinks back to when he was infant and not the big six years old he is today. Connie shakes her head trying to clear it of the pain and shame she feels now. It is the same every other week. You see Connie is crossdressed as a guy today. It is the only way that she can see her son. She looks again and now she giggles to herself that she came all this way only to crossdress as a man.For those of us who are pursuing going full-time, an interesting and ironic faith awaits us; that of reverse crossdressing or dressing back in our previous gender roles. When I brought this subject up in discussion with some of my friends, they all stopped and were silent as the hand of reality touched their cheek. As we go along with our transition, we dress more and more in our new gender roles until one day we step over the line and go into living that role full time or almost full-time. Here we present ourselves as men or women depending of our chosen gender. And now the dilemma. It is inevitable that we will be forced by some circumstances beyond your control to present ourselves at sometime as our old gender. For some this can be a very traumatic experience especially when you have to dig up all those traits that you have so diligently worked to remove from your mannerisms. For some it is like an admission of failure and the internal conflict can be one that undoes all the good that years of therapy and self acceptance have achieved.
The reasons vary, but they are all compelling enough to make you give up your principles and to perpetuate the lie. One friend had to crossdress in drab to attend her son's wedding, one has to in order to see her children, one had to for court and one had to in order to attend a funeral of a loved one. A friend on mine has gone and ordered a binder that the F2M's use to bind her breast so she can pass as a male.
The irony is that we have all come so far in a journey that is so difficult; only to be lowered to crossdressing in reverse. None of my friends ever thought this 360 degree full circle would be in their future but then they too saw the ironic twist of fate that awaited them. Of course if you are out to the world and it matters not who knows, then you will avoid this; but how many of us are truly out. So my word of advice to everyone is to not totally purge all of your old clothes. You may never know when you will need to crossdress.
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