Stop And Smell the Roses
I stepped out on the front porch to face a blast of cold air on my legs. I pulled my coat closer around me as I and my friend Jessica headed toward the car. It was late and we decided to head back to the motel after attending a support group. I had invited Jessica to come in the hope that she might find something there to help her with her transition since there are no groups in her area. Once back in the car I turned to her and asked what she thought of the session. I was met to an answer colder than the air coming out of my car vents. She told me that she would never come back to that group again. I looked at her in somewhat shocked because I thought it was a typical meeting and here I had convinced her to drive 3 hours to attend it.She explained that all evening long, all she heard was the never ending whining of "woe is me." Person after person telling the group about everything that was going wrong with their life, and not a single one had a positive thing to say. I sat there letting the car warm up some and thinking about what she had said, and it was true. I had heard the same complaints from the same people the last meeting and the meeting before that and so on. I never saw it until she pointed it out to me.
Jessica went on to say that she has been unhappy most of her life, and now for the first time in her life she was happy; and she did not need a bunch of people bringing her down. "This is going to be the happiest time of my life, and I will not come back to listen to a group of whiners. They ought to be happy too, in finally finding themselves and beginning their journeys. Yes I have issues and problems just as they do; but you do not hear me complaining about them. They will not go away on their own; I am actively doing things to make my life better. This is a beautiful journey. What is the purpose of a walk through a garden if we do not stop and see and swell the flowers?"
To say that Jessica has problems and issues is almost understatement. She has faced just this year several matters which I classify as major crisis. Almost everyone I know would have crumbled under the strain of just one but Jessica had four to my knowledge. When I found out about them (usually the same day) she had already taken actions to address the problems as best she could. She demonstrated just how strong she is emotional and mentally to cope as she did. So here in the car with me was one person who had every right to complain during the meeting, but instead was happy with her life and how far she had come (transition wise not the drive).
I sat there taking this all in and finally feeling some heat coming from the vents. Jessica said, "Look at yourself. You have problems that are no less important than those mentioned tonight but you are doing something about your life instead of setting in there complaining." (well at least she was not upset with me) And she was right. This IS the happiest I have ever been in my life. I have a dream and a future that I never had before. And the journey is a hard one but there in no reason not to enjoy it. I am having more fun in my life than ever before. I have never been busier and I have so many wonderful friends. And there is also excitement there as I take these little steps. How many of you remember the excitement of getting your ears pierced? I finally had that done recently. And it was such a trill to do this little step but still exciting and fun.
And as I finally put the car in gear, I decided that I need to spend more effort on making the journey even more enjoyable for me and hopefully for others. So for me I might be cutting back on my support group visits or at least try to become a positive force at them. Yes I might upset someone with the hard question of, "What are you doing about it?" (when all I hear is talk of fertilizer) And if they are doing something then we can turn their negative into a positive by showing them that they are that much closer to obtaining that goal. The big thing is that we should look forward to coming to support groups, to seeing our friends, and to sharing our successes. If you do not have a success to offer then maybe someone has tackled your issue and found a way that can help you. Be positive, have fun and just make sure there is not a bee in that flower when you stick your nose into it.
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