Thar She Blows
Someone once told me that early on in transition, transgendered girls have the emotional maturity of a teenage girl. I can see this. We experiment with make up, hairstyles and clothing just as any normal teenager does trying to find our identity. And like a lot of teenagers I grew up with the "Barbie fixation." This is the unrealistic self image that we all want to have a Barbie figure. Okay we all know that it is totally unrealistic body image, sort of an anorexic Dolly Parton. Okay, so I have an unrealistic "dream" body image; that just makes me a normal teenage girl? Well, let's just say I am not a teenager and leave it at that. My therapist and I got into this discuss because I am not happy with my body image. Is it wrong of me to want to look better? I do not think so and a photo sent to me by a friend really got to me.I was in Atlanta in January attending the first planning session for Southern Comfort. During the weekend Gina was taking some candid shots with her new digital camera and she sent to one that she had taken of me talking to Mara. My first thoughts were to gather all the people I could find to roll me back into the ocean. Captain Ahab would have been proud of Gina for capturing the moment and me. The photo is not very flattering and you will not be seeing it on my web site. It just shows my continuing battle with weight.
Everyone warned me that it is hard to lose weight once you begin hormones but I did not think that it would be so hard just to maintain it. I have tried diet and exercise and I still gain. I even cut my calorie intake to under a 1000 a day and I still managed to not lose anything except my self-respect. I have tried the cabbage and onion soup diet and did not lose anything but my love of cabbage. That diet got old real fast and by the 4th day just the smell of the soup would make me loose my appetite, which I think, is its secret. I have tried those matabo pills and they did not work. The only thing that lost weight was my pocketbook.
I have tried no fat diets, fruit diets, veggie diets and even a diet of black coffee, spinach and hard-boiled eggs. And you guessed it, I lost nothing but my dignity. I have just finished the famed Atkins diet which after two weeks of eating everything that I feel is bad for me has resulted in only an seven pound reduction and I lost six of those on the first three days. Now you may say that is great but you have to remember that I am still twelve pounds over from where I started. I now have nightmares about harpoons and Gregory Peck. But I am going to start a new diet just as soon as Herman Melville released his new book.
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