PASSING IS AN ATTITUDE!
No matter how masculine you may look, it is possible to build a personna that will
allow you to go unnoticed as a women in SOME social situations. The key here, of course, is
SOME situations. There are, obviously, variables to this. If you are a thin, fair faced 20-something
that has been on hormones since your teens, have grown your own long hair, and have breast inplants,
then you will have no problems with the ultimate test: shopping in The Gap or The Limited in
a crowded mall on a Saturday.
PASSING IS AN ATTITUDE!
Most of us don't fall into this category. But is is possible
to develop the confidence and ability to go out to a public ATM, car wash, convenience store,
grocery, movies, and not draw unwanted attention or jeers. I do all of the above, and I'm
6'3" before I throw on heels. If I can do it, you can! Here's how:
PASSING IS AN ATTITUDE!
1) How you see yourself. This is THE most important point. Notice how I keep mentioning
attitude. That's reall what it is all about. You have to see yourself first as a woman before
others will. This is something you can - and should - work on EVERY day. I wear something
feminine no matter where I am or what I am doing. Even if it's only underwear. The important
thing is to reinforce who you are in your mind. During the day, I imagine myself dressed in
a short, sexy dress, strappy heels, earrings in, makeup on, out walking by the shops on the beach.
I feel the sun on my thin sexy body, feel my breast sway as I walk. I imagine the appreciative
looks I get from men - and women. I look good, and I know I do. This kind of visualization will
help reinforce the notion in your mind, and has unlimited variations. You can practice it even when
time or circumstance prevents you from putting on your female self. Anyone who has done theatre or
studied acting knows about this "getting into the character". Passing IS acting, remember that. ANd
the more you practice being a women, and "getting into character", the easier it will be and
the more convincing you will be to others.
2) Looking the part. This, unfortunately, has alot to do with genetics. Body types are inherited.
If your are what is termed an ectomorph - slim hips, slender, longer arms and legs,
have difficulty putting on muscles, then you are blessed with a physique that will make it
easier to blend in with the female populace. (This has been my salvation as a TG).
However, this is something else that can be worked on. If you are carrying extra weight,
you can - and for your health - shed it. An entire web site could be - and are - devoted
to exercise and weight control. But let me some it up for you: DIET ALONE WON'T DO IT.
EXERCISE WILL. And not the standard line about three times a week at the health club.
You need to put in a bare minmum of an hour of intense aerobic exercise 5 times a week.
And 1 1/2 to 2 for six days would be best. And that's the cold hard fact. Not weights - you
want to take and keep the weight off. I mean fast walking, running, cycling, swimming - hard
grunt type exercise. Personally, I take it for granted, as I've been doing this all my life:
first as a swimmer in age-groups, then a long-distance runner, then triathlons. And I was lucky
in that I had a scrawny body type that made me unsuitable for the "manly" sports like
football, baseball, basketball, and such. But the cold hard fact is that the best way to
get and keep a girlish figure is to exercise ALOT - AND stay away from the Fritos and Ice
Cream. So lace up those sneakers and get out there, girl....(End of sermon)
3) Fitting In. It's fun to put on slutty makeup, tight, short skirts, open toed platforms,
pot-hole nylons, and go out to gender clubs. That's a part of the life, after all. However,
what would your reaction be if someone showed up like this at the mall on a Saturday afternoon?
Yep - that's what everyone else thinks, too. To each it's own, in it's proper place.
Very obvious - and very overlooked - point about passing.
I love the weekends because I can be Scarlet if I choose until monday morning. If I need some sweet and
want low for coffee, I put on jeans, a silk blouse, and low heeled sandals to go to the corner
store here at the beach - I call it Apu's because the owner is a deadringer for the Simpson's Apu -
And I never get a second look - unless it's some horny guy. How different if I had on one
of my Fredrickson's outfits, eh? The point is - to pass, you have to fit in, and that means dress
for the occasion. WHen GG's go out on the weekend to stores, bank, etc, they dress down and
casual. So should you. If you are going out for the evening to a "mixed" place - restaraunt,
movie, etc - a bit more classy is OK. But save the skirts that show your garter belt for the
clubs - 'nuff said. Just don't dress QUITE as sloppy as the Gen femmes....(meow!)
4) Observe. For this part, you have an assignment. Go to some public place - mall, park, beach,
and observe women - maybe with sunglasses, and for heaven's sake, don't stare
- you will get arrested! Notice the subtle differences between men and women. Notice the
dress, hairstyle, mannerisms. Visualize how you will look doing the same thing. Then, go
home and practice, practice, practice. Especially walking - I see to many of our sisters
clumping around at the clubs. Walking in heels is easier if you relax, and TAKE SHORTER RELAXED STEPS.
Also, walk more on the front of your feet. Ever wonder why women get shapely calves? Now
you find out...
5) Speak the talk. This one will make or break you. For heavens sake, don't assume you need a
falsetto! That's not the case. The difference is that your voice needs to become more dynamic,
melodic, and fluid. Men tend to speak and act more abruptly, choppy, and forcefully, and it
transmits itself to the male speaking patterns. Relaxing, enunciating, and "smoothing" the words
over will help. Doing voice exercises to develop range is the next important step. Women's
voices have a greater range then men's,especially on the higher end.
I can't recommend strongly enough that you get some professional help here.
There is none better than Melanie of Heart Corps. Her course WORKS! She is a professional singer,
and applys her knowledge and experience in deveoping her own to a terrific tape for us. Check it
out. You can listen to the tape online if you have RealAudio
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6) Practice. Once a month isn't going to help you progress. Like anything else, to become proficient
requires practice - and this is scary, let's face it. You will be "made" - expect it, accept it,
and when it happens, move on. Don't see it as a failure, just a learning opportunity. You have had
a lifetime in your male role, so your female self is going to take some time to establish. For
heaven's sake - take small steps. Start out in the evening - my example of The Gap in a crowded
mall will not work for a first time out. Try going to an ATM, or pumping gas at an uncrowded
self-serve gas station (pay with a credit card). Self wash carwashes are fun, too (show off those
great legs we all have..). Suntan at an uncrowded beach (middle of the week is good). If you
have a support group in you area, join and do things with them. The main point is, you won't
become passable if you don't practice passing. AND give yourself the freedom to fail!
All of these small steps will build confidence, and if you practice your makeup, and then
develop a feminine voice, you will be ready for the next step of interacting with the straights as a girl.
7) Attitude! This is the most important - "if you conceive it, and you believe it, you can
acheive it." Hold your head up high, and strut your stuff. Smile alot, wink, project a
friendly, sensual, sexy personna. This is good advice also for times when you aren't
"en femme".
WARNING!!! Teenage girls and boys are MERCILESS, and they will spot you in a second and heckle
you unmercifully. When I lived in Las Vegas, I walked through the casinos and interacted with
people constantly, and never had a problem. AFter all, it was $VEGAS$ where reality is pretty
twisted anyway. Plus, if you are a potential gambler, you're ALWAYS welcome.
Except one night in the MGM parking garage, and it was TEENAGERS! And what REALLY hurt was I
had just done a photo shoot with Clay, was feeling good about myself,and had my glam face on!
Sigh! (Smart readers will note that I violated the #1 rule here though - I stood out too much)
SO consider yourself warned.....
Realize, too, that you have a certain amount of potential dictated by what you have inherited
through genetics. Some of us are lucky and will be able, with practice, to glide through straight
society unnoticed and undetected, while others of us will have to limit their outings to groups at
gender group meetings or the privacy of home or hotel. It's not a necessary part of the exeperience.
But all of us can improve with practice, and if we remember:
PASSING IS AN ATTITUDE!
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