It was really hell for me when I first came out! I was in the eighth grade and everyone was really immature and I didn't accept nor thought myself a likable person! I was soo deeply depressed for two reasons:
1) I am bi-polar (Clinical Manic Depression) which i am currently onmedications to correct that.
2) I knew how everyone felt about gays and knew I would be hated!
Well I told a friend who I "knew" I could trust. I dared not called myself "gay" at the time since in my mind true homosexuality would never be accepted. I said I was Bi. She thought it was cool and then proceeded to tell a few others I trusted. The girls I told (girls have always been my deepest friends) said that they were bi (if they truly were or just curious I don't know nor care). So it was all good and fine, I went out with the girl I first told I was "bi" to and everything was fine. Until this one girl who must have liked me came to our lunch table and asked why I hung out with these people who claim to be bi. All in unison with me we all said "HE IS" as if we all were cued. Startled the girl left to her table and proceeded telling the whole school. By the next day everyone knew I was "bi." Life was totally and utterly hell from then on. I would go to P.E. class and all the guys would yell "Fag, Queer, Don't look at me, etc" the list goes on. I dared not so much as look at a guy while he was dressing for fear of a "gay bashing" episode after school. I would sit down on the stone bench protruding from the wall and would stare at the wall and keep looking at it until it was time to go to the gym. I remember the Coach (empathetically/sympathetically don't know which) would look at me and I could see in his eyes he was sad. He would once and a while tell the guys to "knock it off" and I would get a few moments of silence. I never changed clothes nor would I think about joinging in the games. I was lucky to have a Coach that nice because he passed me with a D-. He knew if I had to take P.E. over again my life would be worse. That was when I began using drugs on occasions. Probably both to "self-medicate" and to escape the constant pain. Marijuana was the most used (2-3 times a month more on occasions) I tried Crystal Meth. a few times and I continued smoking (began summer of 6-7th grade transition). I skipped school alot then was transferred to a school in the District my mother worked at.
In Florence (town of school) life was okay but continued drugs and skipped school. Finally after humiliating my Mother at her place of work because of my constant craving for trouble I had the choice of going to a private boarding school in New Mexico on some Indian Reservation or to my Cousins house that volunteered to take me in. I chose the latter. I spent the rest of my Freshman year there and started to straighten out because of lack of availibility and freedom. Still my parents had no true idea that I was gay except for hearing about the "rumors" at school in Jr. High by the counselor. I came home during the summer to prove to my parents that I had reformed. It proved to be false. So back to Illinois I went. I spent my Sophmore year there with occasional visits back home. Finally I straightened out and am now a really good person. Finally I told my parents that I am gay about 4 months ago when I came back home. My brother and sister-in-law knew I was gay before any of my family members.
Now my parents are adjusting to it and I have alot of support from friends that know I am gay (everybody). Yes I did skip alot for both finger's sake and time consumption. I didn't say how I was in trouble with the courts (at least 8 runaway charges and who knows how many shoplifting). I am off probation, I don't like cigarettes anymore and I have alot of self respect and am truly happy. Not all "Coming Out's" will have a happy ending. I just wish to tell any soon-to-be coming out teens that you MUST know a few things first.
1) MUST know how parents will react. Don't tell them if you know they will dis-own you or kick you out. Mine are understanding as a teen can hope for. Tell after you move out in that case so you have nothing to loose except loosing contact.
2) KNOW what you are talking about. Read booklets/pamphlets you can get from PFLAG or other gay/lesbian organizations. Questions will arise so you must be prepared to answer them.
3) EXPLORE yourself. Know that beyond a doubt you are gay and understand what that entails.
4) MOST of all be COMFORTABLE with your homosexuality! If people do say "Queer,etc" know that they are speaking of insecurity and fear. Don't shout back just try to ignore with style and dignity. If it becomes a problem and fear that they may harm you tell officials whether it be at school or police if things get really scary (like threats). This may seem the worst way out from the sterio-type of a "tattle-tale" or a whimp but take one good look at some of those insecure guys. Better than getting the crap beaten out of you. If things get to be a problem at my school this year that's exactly what I'm planning to do. I have the strength (6 ft tall/193 lbs.) but cannot hurt out of rage.
5) LOOK for a gay/lesbian youth group. Check the yellow pages under "gay/lesbian" and other gay friendly community centers.
I am hoping to have different gay/lesbian links I have found useful and book resources but am busy now. Check back occasionally!