My own Unique Gender

I suppose it's kind of like talking about skin; everybody has it, and usually, no one gives it much thought. But as it turns out, I spend a great deal of time thinking about my gender, and the options that I have. There are both good, and bad things about having gender concerns.

What it is like, at least for me.

My moods are very changeable from one day to the next. Some days, I am quite happy with feeling feminine and walk with an extra sway to my hips, and talk with a happy sound in my voice that makes it sound quite womanly. Does that not sound strange for a male to say?

The fact is, I am only physically male. My emotions and my intellect work in a way that is kind of a combination of male and female. My body is much more feminine than masculine; in as good a shape as I am, that shape is still that of a woman. Small waist, slim arms. There is only a little hair on my body; there are women that have more hair on their arms than I do, and more muscle.

One benefit of this, is that I can think in both ways: numbers and colors. I think of this as a kind of "digital and analog." I feel that this is really necessary for a person to be a properly rounded person, as flexible as possible. However, I suppose that it makes me that much more different.

I just go through each day, wondering who is going to say how I look like a woman today. People who knew my mother continually compare me to her, saying that they can see her in me. What about my father? Really, I think that it is just as well; he was abusive to both my Sister and I. Not being mean, but he was overly disciplining. He just wanted us to be good kids. I don't know what he would think about my "condition." If he had lived, he probably would have beaten me into being a really messed up redneck. That's funny to think about, because what makes me so slight of build is clearly genetic.

A lot of people believe that being transgendered, or gay, is some kind of choice. Huh! I don't know anyone who would choose this; I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! I have heard about how some hormone didn't flow at a certain critical time during the time I was in the womb. Or that there is some kind of genetic coding that we have not figured out yet. I have been considering a kind of chemical theory, some contamination that we either have in our environment now (which might explain why it came upon me so quickly), or that happened during that time that my mother was carrying me.

But what we do not consider is that we have people with things like Klinefelter's Syndrome (having both female and male genetic coding, in differing combinations). When we get all these different kinds of combinations of people, who feel all kinds of different ways. There is only one conclusion to be reached: that people do not have any clearly defined one-or-the-other gender. There never was any such a thing; it is an illusion, created so that people would not question such things about themselves. The reason why? Lacking understanding, and not figuring themselves out that way, people would come to seek answers to their questions outside of themselves.

By getting people to think in those kinds of terms there was, suddenly, a great market for this external advice. I other words, the christian priesthood was set up for life with lots of troubled "customers" who did not think that anyone but the popular god could answer their questions.

It is said that the transgendered community is basically a direct slice from the intellectual upper-level of our society. Are there any questions out there as to why this is? Or as I am fond of mentioning: There is no such thing as a transgendered person who does not know something about psychology. It is not that being of higher intelligence causes people to be trans; being trans CAUSES PEOPLE TO BE MORE INTELLIGENT!

A New Theory about Transgenderism, of Whatever Kind.

Clearly the evidence of my own eyes and experience shows that a whole new idea is really at work here; one that neither science nor popular philosophy has yet considered. It is no mystery that science denies that any kind of spiritual phenomenon exists. The bad part of this idea, is that there are many things that science cannot, and apparently does not want to, understand. How can a segment of society that is so bent on explaining and labeling everything can accept that ANYTHING can go unexplained? Especially something simple that everyone experiences, like orgasms, and sleep. These cannot be explained by the chemical theories. It is that simple. For example; if food were the only source of physical energy, supposedly we would be able to eat enough to not ever have to sleep. What conclusions can one draw from that?

A person must figure things out for themselves; because waiting for someone else to hand them the answers means that you are accepting what they want to give you. The truth is out there, and finding that truth is so good for a person in ways that no one understands.

Back to the theory. I have heard from differing sources, some truly ancient, that the next spiritual level above us (the ones called guide spirits) are neither male nor female, but have characteristics of both. In additions to these characteristics, they also have a form of logic that transcends ours so much as to leave us confounded, as if we were children.

The idea that makes the most sense to me, is that of progressive reincarnation; that is, that we live a life, die, go back to the spirit-world and get ready to live another life to learn some more. Since female and male have been expressed as polarities, I feel that we tend to live these lives as one female life, then a male one, and then another female.

Now, polarity usually goes along the idea of a sine wave; it is a form found in nature, and that makes sense to the overall theory. In the case of gender (not sex; sex is physical), I believe that as these lives are lived, the gender comes to be less pronounced towards the extremes. The sine wave loses amplitude, in other words, which is also what happens in nature.

The body is a material representation of the spirit. This much is clear to me. When the spirit changes, so does the body. The genetic coding is a part of this effect. Whatever hormonal effects are involved are therefore natural and proper to the person's growth, and life.

That's right: Transsexuals are actually more spiritually aware than common people! We are closer to that next form of logic, and being able to understand the entire material Universe.

More support for the idea? The Native American Indians held the Two-Spirit (transgendered) person in high regard, often as shaman, leaders and natural healers. The Pagans evolved their "If it harm none, do as you will" ethic for a reason. How does it harm anyone if I dress female, simply because I enjoy it? Or if I grow a pair of breasts, or wear my hair long? Whom does all this hurt? The answer must make sense to ALL possible questions, or it cannot be a real answer. I have accepted that as axiomatic in any spiritual question.

It is necessary to allow the people who really feel these desires to express them. They are feeling the yearnings of their spirit, just as common people feel the desire to chase the other sex. It is a great "sin" to deny anyone to pursue these desires. We have seen the results of this denial; suicides, self-mutilation for a couple. In some cases, the thought of being denied these needs is enough to cause one to murder, and then commit suicide. I have to salute Harry Benjamin's insight for seeing this when he laid down the guidelines for how professionals deal with transsexuals.

So, you see how I have come up with my own ideas as to explaining my own situation. A proper explanation must fit all of the circumstances, or it is not the real explanation. That is all there is to it, and all the fiery rhetoric in the world will never change that.

And now, for a subject that we can ALL agree upon:

Dresses and Skirts!

I myself love the free feeling of wearing a skirt. It doesn't make any sense, really, but I do!

Or does it make sense?

Consider: Wearing a skirt makes one feel open, and vulnerable; these often go along with feeling free.

We hide ourselves so much, that we sometimes don't even know ourselves. Could it be that we HAVE TO (and make no mistake; sometimes it is a compulsion) because of some need to feel open, like we are not really keeping a secret?

We all know that hiding is bad, and the bigger the secret, the worse it is to keep. I think that crossdressing has a cause that has not yet been winnowed out. Or could I just have found it?

Tell me what you think!