Time and time again I have heard stories from crossdressing fathers that were blackmailed into giving up their parental rights because of the threats of exposure and ridicule. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY. I have recently been involved in just such a case and won. My ex-wife and her attorney did their best to portray me as some sort of crazed transvestite and unfit to have the primary care, custody, and control of my six year old son, but we went in very well prepared and overcame. Here is how we did it.

Be comfortable and confident in yourself and your transgendered nature. The fact that you are a crossdresser doesn't keep you from being a good father. It is just another part of the person you are. Most of the crossdressers that I know are much more nurturing and caring than more traditional males. You must believe in yourself if you expect others to.

Find the right attorney. Start by looking for one that is experienced and successful in representing fathers. Be honest and up front about your crossdressing. He/she needs to know ALL the issues. If you sense he/she is at all uncomfortable representing you, keep looking. It is imperative that he/she believe in you if he/she is to do his/her best. My attorney not only had the best record in the state at representing fathers, but quickly adopted the attitude that my dressing is a form of freedom of expression and did not make me a bad father. It was great to see him getting fired up when we started discussing the issues.

Be prepared. Knowing they would try to portray me as some sort of psychological pervert, I went through a whole battery of psychological tests so that we could show that nothing could be farther from the truth. Armed with the new DSM IV and having educated one of the best known local counselors, we took the issue head on and presented it exactly as it is.

Remain calm. The opposing attorney will undoubtedly try to get to you. Your confidence and belief in yourself needs to be very apparent without being arrogant.

Looking back it certainly wasn't a pleasant or easy experience but very well worth it. If you find yourself in a similar situation don't let them blackmail you, stand up for yourself. I can be reached via the Internet at: [email protected]