What is an expectation? Where does it come from? Is it inherent or learned? Are expectations good, bad or 'just there'?

Is an expectation nothing more than just another word for "hope"? If this were the case, why would we have expectations of 'less than desirable' things? If I were to compete in an athletic contest against a state champion, I would most assuredly 'hope' to win, but would I 'expect' to win. Would the expectations be based on prior performances and data or would they be based on self-confidence and self esteem? How did Joe Namath and the N.Y. Jets beat the Baltimore Colts in that Super Bowl so many years ago? Almost everyone expected the Jets to lose.

When a newborn baby needs something, it cries. Does it have an expectation that the crying will cause the need to be fulfilled? If, when the baby initiates this behavior, there is no expectation, does it develop or learn to expect it's need to be fulfilled when it cries?

What I hope to have accomplished by this point is to get you to question YOUR expectations and how they developed or from where they came. Smarter people than I will have to research these questions to come up with a definitive answers. However, I shall jump from this point to using specific examples to expectations of an "unspecified crossdresser".

"I expect that only bad things will happen to me if ANYONE discovers that I like to wear female clothing." This may be a universal and timeless expectation. Most little boys learn , from a very early age, how they have to perform to be accepted into the "male society". "Big boys don't cry." "Boys are competitive." Boys do this and boys do that. Based on all of this data, both real and perceived, boys come to expect that only bad things will happen if anyone learns of their clothing desires. On the other hand, if a boy learns early that it is OK to try new things and experiment AND his family is supportive of his explorations, then he may expect that wearing female clothing wouldn't necessarily cause bad things to happen but might even cause good things to happen. He might be allowed to wear whatever clothing he wished - as long as he was aware of and accepted the consequences thereof. He might even be able to allow his feminine side to grow and experience a new range of feelings and behaviors.

"If I go out in public dressed in female clothing, everyone will immediately notice me and make fun of me." When you are out in public dressed as a male, do you scrutinize everyone within your vision? Most people are so involved with themselves and their concerns that they really don't even "see" everyone within their sight. They tend to notice only when "something is wrong with this picture." A six foot four shape which looks like it weights 250 pounds and is wearing a micro mini skirt draws attention whether the person is actually a female or male. Most people, even after looking and making a determination, are still too involved with their concerns to create a fuss. Others' manners are too good to create a fuss. The whole world, crossdressers included, must suffer the bores.

Do you check out all young looking, shapely figures? When you are in a restaurant or at a park, don't you glance at all newcomers to the scene? How long do you pay attention to them? If a funky person walks by with green and purple spiked hair, with nails sticking out of his lips and nose, just what do you do? How long do you pay attention to him?

"If _______ finds out, he/she will disown me." We all want to be accepted, particularly by our family members and friends. It is up to each of us as to whether this acceptance is more important than our own self acceptance. Is it better to give up a large portion of who you are so that you will fit into the mold of others' expectations of you rather than to live up to who YOU are? Are you willing to live your life for them rather than for yourself.

Respected members of our own society often cause people to develop low expectations. How often have you heard various leaders of the community state how few women there are who accept our way of life and how hard it is to find them? Oddly enough, the ones making this statement often have accepting wives or significant others. Where do they get their statistics or data? The general population thinks that there are only a few crossdressers! Are both statements formed from uneducated guesses? I have met genetic females who are actively searching for crossdressers with which to have relationships. If we don't show our whole personality or don't expect others to accept us if we do, then we will assuredly have problems forming relationships.

There are many, many more questions dealing with our expectations of ourselves and our path. NONE of them have easy answers. NONE of the answers are without consequences.

Even if you expect the worst, you may find your expectations were in error. Ask the girl who has just returned from attending her first support group meeting if the expectations and actualities were realized. Ask her if the journey was worth the anxiety? Adjust your expectations accordingly.

Many have read various accounts of "The Travels of Debra" in various publications. Debra Darling travels extensively "en femme". She expects to be accepted and usually is. There are many crossdressers who experience a wide range of activities while wearing femme clothing. If you are willing to adjust your expectations, you might join this group.

I have not covered expectations in regards to passing, mannerisms, deportment or many other concerns of crossdressers. Hopefully, you will be able to look at these and other concerns in a new light.