In an effort to communicate, please allow me to present another opinion. I don't necessarily believe everything that I am going to say, but offer these thoughts for consideration.

It seems to me that a good starting point would be to define "selfish". Webster's New Universal Unabridged Dictionary Second Edition states: 1. caring only or chiefly for self; regarding one's own interest chiefly or solely; proceeding from love of self; influenced in actions solely by a view to private advantage; as, a selfish person; a selfish motive. 2. showing or caused by such regard, as an action. "selfishness": the state or character of being selfish; the exclusive consideration by a person of his own interest or happiness.

We come into this world alone and we leave it alone. While we are here, each of us must decide, among other things, who he is, where he is going and how he is going to get there. Sometimes we may choose to have company along the way and other times we may choose not to have company. At some times, the company finds that their search requires them to take a different path and so they choose to leave. Other times our company may not like the path we are taking and choose to leave. Each of these times, and more, offer opportunities to discuss your goals with your companion to see if either of you wish to alter or change your goals so that you may continue together.

We must all, with our incomplete information, make our choices about which path we will take. Often, others standing by the wayside think that their idea of which path we should take is better for us than the path we have chosen. Sometimes they are even correct. There is no way, however, that anyone can know all of the influences that help form our decision. If any one of these influences had been different, our decision would probably be affected.

I have learned that most M2F crossdressers suppressed their needs and desires for years. The had to do this to prove to themselves and their important others that they were valuable. They had to live a lie while constantly bombarded by the sights, smells and sounds of their desires. Is it any wonder that when they start to break the chains that bind, that they tend toward excess? Current fashions take a back seat to pent up desires. The initial ventures can be quite heady stuff.

The crossdresser at this point seldom has any idea of where he is going or how he is affecting others. He is just reveling in his new found freedom. If he has always been a beer gulping redneck who comes home from work, flops into his easy chair and demands a beer, there is no reason to believe that just because he may happen to be wearing a dress that his behavior will be any different.

If, on the other hand, he has been helpful around the house, there is little reason to expect that he will be less helpful in a dress. To expect him to do more as payment for his wearing a dress might be said to be selfish on your part.

I remember reading somewhere that the concept of "selfish" has gotten a lot of bad press. If you don't make the decisions that you feel are best for you, who is going to? To turn these decisions over to someone else only means that you will be doing what they think is best for you, not what you think is best for you. This concept requires an informed decision. You must attempt to determine how your actions will influence others to act towards you. Do you really not care what others think? Are you prepared to be an isolated hermit? What are the long term effects of your actions? Maybe you need to temper your actions a bit to get more of what you want.

What the whole situation boils down to, in my eyes, is an exercise in communication. You must state your current position and what you think you can handle. There are many important issues that it would be fruitful to discuss with your SO if you have one. The bottom line is that both of you are free to choose your own path. You might or might not wish to continue your journey with each other. Your decision could be either very difficult or very easy to make. It could be very painful or almost inconsequential. Don't try to change one another. As Ann Landers is fond of saying, "Are you better of with him/her or without him/her?" Make your decision and get on with your journey.

I invite replies to this article. Be they long or short, reasoned or illogical, or whatever, I respect your right to your opinions and hope that you will share them with me so that I may broaden my view. Send them to Diane Liegh via email at [email protected]