Relax and enjoy, they are all clean and tasteful !
While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the
window.
"Good lord!" he screamed, "one of the engines just blew up!"
Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked
by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.
The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order.
Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and
assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanour made
most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the
door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began
handing them to the flight attendants.
Each crew member attached the package to their backs.
"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "aren't those parachutes?"
The pilot said they were.
The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry
about?"
"There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine
exploded. "We're going to get help."
1. Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need
much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see,
I won't be of much help anyway!!
2. Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his? Desmond: No teacher, it's the same dog!
3. Diner: Waiter, look at this chicken, nothing but skin and bones.
Waiter: What else do u want, feathers?
Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?
4. Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!
5. Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.
6. Ken: These ice-cream are too expensive!
John: Stop complaining and pay with a smile.
Ken: I wish I could but the man insists on cash!
7. Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
8. Almost bald man: Why do u always charge me double? You ought to charge me cheaper for I
don't have much hair!
Barber: No, no! We don't charge for cutting the hair! we charge for having to search for
it!
9. New prisoner comes to prison cell.
Convicts: What has happened with you that you are here?
Prisoner: I have broken a window on my job place.
Convicts: It's unbelievable! Where did you work?
Prisoner: On a submarine.
1. Handy Man.
A chap walks into a building site asking for a job. The foreman asks " what kind of a
job are you looking for"?
"any job"
"can you lay bricks"? asks the foreman.
"no"
"Can you do any carpentry work"? asked the foreman.
"No"
"Can you plaster"? asks the foreman.
"No"
"What kind of a handy man are you then"? asks the foreman.
"Ah. you see I live just round the corner" came the reply
_____________________________
2. Tea maker.
A chap walks into a building site (no not the same one as above) looking
for a job.
The foreman asks" Can you do general labouring work"?
"Oh yes "
"Can you make tea"? Asks the foreman"?
"Oh yes "
"Can you drive a fork lift truck"? asked the foreman.
After thinking for a couple of seconds, the chap asks "How big is the tea
pot then"?
A Russian couple was walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the
man felt a drop hit his nose.
"I think it's raining", he said to his wife.
"No, that felt more like snow to me", she replied.
"No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said".
Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it
was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking
toward them.
"Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph
whether it's officially raining or snowing".
As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it
officially raining or snowing?".
"It's raining, of course", he replied, and walked on.
But the woman insisted, "I know that it felt like snow!"
The man quietly replied,
"Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear"!
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too
qualified for the job.
"Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking
lemons?"
"Well... as a matter if
fact, Yes !" she replied. "I've been divorced three times."
A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He
walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be waited on.
A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The
butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put its
paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many
pounds?" The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of two pounds ground
beef. He then said, "Anything else?" The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the
butcher said, "How many?" The dog barked four times, and the butcher
made up a package of four pork chops.
The dog then walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse. The
butcher took out the appropriate amount of money and tied two packages of meat around the
dog's neck.
The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the dog.
It walked for several blocks and then walked up to a
house where it began to scratch the door to be let in.
As the owner opened the door, the man said to the owner, "That's a
really smart dog you have there."
The owner said, "He's not really all that smart. This is the second time this week he
forgot his key."
Here are some actual humorous statements by airline flights crews.
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety
lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or
reported:
"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are
fully upright in their most uncomfortable position."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this
airplane..."
"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency
water landing, please take them with our compliments."
"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member
of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane.
Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will
be asked to leave the plane immediately.
Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it's warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are
singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it's dark, windy and raining. Why in the world
y'all wanna go there I really don't know."
Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to
switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside
the plane till we land... it's a bit cold
outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you
enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the
passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head
steward announced on the intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video
surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not
remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate
will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft.
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes
over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!
"Here are a few heard from Northwest: "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen
masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose
before assisting children or adults acting like children.
As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left
behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave
children or spouses.
"And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We
are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry...
Unfortunately none of them are on this flight. "
Remember when...
A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show
a window was something you hated to clean...
and RAM was the cousin of a goat...
MEG was the name of my girlfriend
and GIG was your middle finger upright
now they all mean different things
and that really mega bytes
An application was for employment
a program was a TV show
a cursor used profanity
a keyboard was a piano
A memory was something you lost with age
a CD was a bank account
and if you had a 3-1/2" floppy
you hoped nobody found out
Compress was something you did to the garbage
not something you did to a file
and if you unzipped anything in public
you'd be in jail for a while
Log was adding wood to the fire
hard drive was a long trip on the road
a mouse pad was where a mouse lived
and backup happened to your commode
Cut you did with a pocket knife
paste you did with glue
a web was a spider's home
and a virus was the flu
I'll stick to my pad and paper and the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
but when it happens . . .
they wish they were dead!
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked
it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK, OK. You released me
from the lamp, blah blah blah." This
is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can
forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for awhile and said, "I've always wanted to go to
Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii
so I can drive over there to
visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics
of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much
concrete...how much steel!! No, think of
another wish."
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said
that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand
women....know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent
treatment....know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say
'nothing'....know how to make them truly happy...."
The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"
The colorful and legendary movie producer Samuel Goldwyn (1882-1974). (founder of MGM)
A man with a special way with words, he is famous for such wonderful
"Goldwynisms" as:
"An oral contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined."
"I had a great idea this morning, but I didn't like it."
"Gentlemen, include me out."
"A hospital is no place to be sick."
"If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive."
"I read part of it all the way through."
"If I look confused it's because I'm thinking."
"Our comedies are not to be laughed at."
"Never make forecasts, especially about the future."
And perhaps the best of them all:
"I don't want yes
men around me. I want everyone to tell the truth, even if it costs
them their jobs."
There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business
when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and --WHACK!! knocks him off the bar
stool and onto the floor. The big
dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts
drinking again when all of a sudden --WHACK-- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says,
"That was a judo chop from
Japan."
So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly
leaves.
The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks
up behind the big dude and --WHAM!!!"-- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking
him out cold!!!
The little guy
looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to sense, tell him that's
a crowbar from Sears."
Bill and Hilary were driving through Little Rock, and when they passed by a gas station
a big man
yelled 'Hi Hilary' and Hilary said 'Hi Bubba'. Bill asked 'who was that?'
And Hilary told him it was a old high school boyfriend. Bill said, 'See if you married him
you
would be married to a gas station attendant, but you married me now you're the first
lady.'
And Hilary told him, 'If I married him he would be the president, and you would be the gas
station
attendant.'
The patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say.
"Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an
experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are
very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs
yourselves."
Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.
"For a male brain, \\$500,000. For a female brain $200,000."
Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded in
understanding, and a few actually smirked.
Then the patient's daughter asked, "Why the difference in price between
male brains and female brains?"
"A standard pricing
practice," said the head of the team. "Women's brains have to be marked
down because they are used."
Bloke was driving around in his Porsche in the countryside. Stops outside a field full
of sheep, walks up to the shepherd and says, "I've got an offer. I'll guess how
many sheep you've got in this field, and if I
guess right, I get to take a sheep with me, and if I guess wrong, you get my
car."
Shepherd thinks he's on to a sure thing and agrees.
"137", says the driver.
"Damn me, you're right.", says the shepherd and dutifully hands over a sheep.
Man walks away, stuffs sheep in car, and is about to drive away when the shepherd knocks
on his window.
"I've got a proposal for you. If I can guess what you do for a living, I get to take
your car. If I'm wrong, you can have all my sheep."
"Done", says the driver, counting up the number of nights he could be kept happy
with 137 sheep.
"You're a consultant.", says the shepherd.
"Bloody hell, how did you guess?"
"Easy. You come
in here uninvited, you tell me what I already know, and then you charge me
for it."
The European Commission just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official
language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of
the negotiations, Her
Majesty's Government concerned that English spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish". In the
first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Certainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be
dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan
have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will
be replased with the 'f'. This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the
stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal
of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre
that the horible mesof the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraseful, and they
should go away.
By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with
"z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary
"o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of
kors be
aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Ater zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer wil be no mor trubls or
difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu nderstand ech ozer.
ACHTUNG! ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
A young woman brings her fianc�e home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother
tells her father to find out about the young man, so the father invites the fianc�e to
his study for a drink.
"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man. "I am a Torah
scholar," he replies. "A Torah scholar.
Hmmm," the father says "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house
for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"
"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?"
asks the father.
"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will
provide for us."
"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fianc�e.
The
conversation proceeds like this and each time the father questions, the
young idealist insists that God will provide. Later, the mother asks, "How
did it go, Honey?" and the father answers, "He has no job and no plans,
but the good news is he thinks I'm God."
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, 'I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?' St. Peter replied, 'Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!'
Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a
distance, running
towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of 'Nikes' from his bag and starts to put
them on.
The other guy with a surprised look on his face exclaims,'Do you think you will run faster
than
the tiger with those?'
His
friend replies:'I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than
you.'
An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to
their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they
were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that
they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to
help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the old man
got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?" "To the
kitchen," he replies. "Will you get me a bowl of
ice cream?" she asks. "Sure," he replies. "Don't you think you should
write it down so you can remember it?" she asks him. "No, I can remember
that," he says. She then says, "Well I also would like some strawberries on top.
You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that." "I can remember
that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries," he says.
She replies, "Well I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that
so you better write it down." With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't
need to write that down I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes he
returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs. She
stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."
A man was driving his car with his wife when he was suddenly stopped by a cop. The
cop says, 'Good evening sir, you were going 60 in a 50 Km zone.' The guy says, 'No, I
wasn't.'
The wife turns to him and says, 'Yes, dear you were.'
The man says, 'Why don't you shut up?'
Then the cop says, 'You also didn't have your seat belt on sir.'
Naturally the guy says, 'Sure I had it on.'
Again the woman says, 'No honey you didn't..'
The man turn around and says to the woman, 'Itold you to shut up (violently).'
Then the cop bend down and says to the woman, 'Excuse me ma'am but is this your husband?'
The woman says, 'Yes.'
'Is he always this mean and rude with you?'
The woman says, 'No, no officer only
when he is DRUNK.'
This is what G. B. Shaw said .....
"The year is made
up of 365 days, each having 24 hours, 12 of which are night time hours,
which add up to a total of 182 days. This leaves you with 183 days
to work minus 52 Sundays, which leaves you with 131 days to work minus 52
Saturdays, which leaves you with 79 days to work. But, there are 4
hours each day, set aside for eating, which adds up to 60 days, which
leaves you 19 days for working. But you are entitled to 15 days of
your vacation, which means you have 4 days left for work minus 3 days,
which you usually take off due to illness or other emergencies, which
leaves you 1 day to work, which happens to be Labour Day which is a
Holiday." SO, WHY ARE YOU SO TIRED?
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut
through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were
startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear,
they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his
breath, "You scared us
half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working
here so late at night?" "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They
misspelled my name!"
TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, teacher. I'm eight today.
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE : Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : George!
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have
ten years ago.
WILLY : Me!
SUBSTITUTE TEACHER : Are you chewing gum?
BILLY : No,
I'm Billy Anderson.
TEACHER : Alfred, how can one person make so many stupid
mistakes in one day?
ALFRED : I get up early.
TEACHER : Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT : Yes, sir.
TEACHER : And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT : Yes, sir,but since I broke my promise,you didn't have
to keep yours.
TEACHER : Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
HAROLD : Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER : Of course not.
HAROLD : Good, because I didn't do my homework.
TEACHER : Why are you late?
WEBSTER : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
WEBSTER : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."That's what I
did.
TEACHER : I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
DON : I hope you didn't either.
GARY : I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER : I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
MOTHER : Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
JUNIOR : Because of absence.
MOTHER : You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
JUNIOR : No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
SILVIA : Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA : Your name on this report card.
TEACHER : Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER : What's that?
TEACHER : With grades like these, he couldn't be
cheating.
TEACHER : In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY : You can't fool me, teacher. Snakes don't have feet.
HYGIENE TEACHER : How can you prevent diseases caused by biting
insects?
JOSE : Don't bite any.
TEACHER : Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN : I is...
TEACHER : No, Ellen. Always say "I am."
ELLEN : All right. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER : Max, use "defeat," "defence" and "detail" in a
sentence.
MAX : The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over
defence
before detail.
TEACHER : Toby, what are you doing under your desk?
TOBY : Didn't you tell us to read Dr.Jekyll and Hyde(hide)?
MOTHER : Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR : You said it was my lunch money.
TEACHER : If you received \\$10 from 10 people, what would you get?
SASHA : A new bike.
TEACHER : If you had one dollar and you asked your
father for another,
how many dollars would you have?
VINCENT : One dollar.
TEACHER(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
VINCENT(sadly): You don't know my father.
TEACHERS : If I had seven oranges in one hand
and eight oranges
in the other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN : Big hands!
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No." "I'm the principal's daughter." "And do you know who I
am?"
asked the boy. "No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to
the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said " Ya know Mahtha, I'd like ta get a
ride in that theah aihplane." and every year Martha would say "I know Stumpy,
but that ihplane ride costs ten dollahs.... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs." So
Stumpy says " By Jeebers Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, if I don't go this time I may
nevah go." Martha replies " Stumpy, that there aihplane ride is ten
dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."
So the pilot overhears them and says " Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you
both up for a ride, if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word,I
won't charge you, but just one word and it's ten dollars."
They agree and up they go.... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns,
rolls and dives, but not a word is heard,he does it one more time, still nothing...
so he lands.
He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says " By golly, I did everything I
could think of to get you to holler out, but you didn't."
And Stumpy
replies " Well, I was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out...but
ten dollahs is ten dollahs!
Three lawyers and three accountants are travelling by train to a conference. At the
station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three accountants buy only a
single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked a lawyer.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an accountant.
They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three
accountants cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train
departed, the conductor comes around
collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor
takes it and moves on.
The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference,
the lawyers decide to copy the accountants on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To
their astonishment, the accountants don`t buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed lawyer.
"Watch and you`ll see" says an accountant.
When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three accountants
cram into another one nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the
accountants leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the
lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket,
please".
This man had to take a bunch of penguins to the zoo for the new exhibit. On the way
into town his truck broke down and he pulled over to the side of the road. A guy
pulls up next to him and says, 'Hey, do you need some help?'
The man says, 'Actually, all I need is to get these penguins to the zoo. If I give
you 50 bucks will you make sure you take them?'
So the guy takes the money and the penguins and takes off. The man went to fix his truck
and an hour later he's pulling up into town to go check on the penguins. He stops at
a red light and looks across
the street and sees the guy walking with all the penguins following behind him. The
man gets out of his car and screams at the guy, 'Hey! What are you doing? I thought I gave
you 50 bucks to get the penguins to the zoo!!'
The guy turns with a big smile and says, 'I did take
them to the zoo and I had some money left over so now I'm taking them to
the movies.'
let me know if you understand this joke or not !! (for fun, don't take
seriouly)
Subject: C/C++....
Struct female_professionals
{
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind;
void knowledge;
char non_co-operative;
}
struct married_females
{
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossip;
float hopes;
void word;
char unstable;
}
struct engaged_females
{
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding;
char edgy;
}
struct newly_married_females
{
double dinner_invitation;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_break;
void bank_balance;
char hen_pecked;
}
struct husband_wife_professionals
{
double income;
short tempered;
long time_no_see_each_other;
void love_life;
char money-making;
}
