Sorry for the crossposting. Hi, this is a fic written by me and Madame Blue, and was based off a story I read long ago called Ransom of Little Red Chief unfortunately I can't remember the author, if anyone knows please email and tell me so I can give credit. Warnings, extreme silliness and OOC behavior. Disclaimers: We don't on the the Gboys, they are owned by Bandai and Sunrise, also this fic was not endorsed by Starbucks. And now on to the fic.

PART 2

Back at the Gundam Pilot's safe house:

Heero, Trowa and Quatre were gathered around a speakerphone. Quatre looked worried, Trowa looked slightly ill, and Heero was completely expressionless.

"Heero, Wufei's going to be extremely upset that you're letting the kidnappers keep Duo. I know you're always pulling pranks on each other, but this time you've gone to far!" Quatre looked worried.

"Wufei will understand when I explain the situation." Heero replied coldly

"A whole carton of Starbucks Java Chip Ice Cream." Trowa said in disbelief, looking decidedly green. "A whole carton..."

In a wrecked kitchen in a different town, four voices (three kidnappers plus Duo) were shocked.

"He said what?!?!"

'Francis' stared at the phone he still held in his hand. "He said we could keep him, and then he hung up."

In his mind, Duo had no doubt that the kidnapper had talked to Heero. Quatre would never be that rude, Trowa wouldn't say something like that and upset Quatre, and Wufei would want him home in time for their date tonight. That left Heero. "That SOB! That ungrateful, stuck up, stick in the mud! Well, I'VE got a stick too, and I'll shove it right up his mumph!!!

Grabbing at the raving boy, the other three kidnappers tried to restrain him again. ('Francis' was still staring at the phone in utter confusion.) Distracted by his anger, Duo wasn't able to get away as the older men hauled him off the floor and back to his make shift prison. (This time they made sure the tennis racket was gone first!)

But Duo wasn't going to let them off that easily. After dumping him onto the floor of his prison, the kidnappers turned to leave. Big mistake. The second their backs were turned Duo was on his feet, mad as hell and needing something to take it out on. He grabbed a large odd looking turtle plushy and whacked 'Francis'(who happened to be nearest) with it...

'Francis' was extremely stunned by this, both the act, and by the force Duo threw it with. The shocked man stumbled to his knees and Duo just kept whacking him.

"WHY THAT <whack> NO GOOD <whack>, IDIOTIC, <whack> GRANITE FACED <whack> YUY!!!!!! WHO DOES <whack> HE THINK <whack> HE IS <whack> JUST LETTING <whack> YOU MORONIC CREEPS <whack> KEEP ME!!! <whack>

The other kidnappers turned and just gawked for a moment, shocked at the display. Then 'Harry', pissed off about all his hair being burned away, grabbed a yellow dragon with a flaming tail, and tried to rush Duo. The two simply began to pound away at each other.

"WHY YOU <whack> LITTLE BRAT <whack> LOOK AT <whack> WHAT YOU <whack> DID TO <whack> MY HAIR!!!<whack>

"YOU <whack> DESERVED IT <whack> JERKFACE <whack> YOU SHOULDN'T <whack> HAVE TOUCHED <whack> MY BRAID!!! <whack>

Then to Duo's dismay the turtle plushy he was using tore apart with one final whack on 'Harrys' head, sending polyester fiberfill everywhere. Duo ducked under a wild swing, grabbed yet another plushy, and turned to defend himself. Only then did he notice the other kidnappers had each acquired a plushy of their own and were looking extremely irritated.

<whack> <WHACK> <whack> <WHACK> <WHACK> <whack> <WHACK> <whack> <whack> <WHACK> <whack> <whack> <WHACK> <whack> <whack> <whack> <WHACK>

Finally the last plushy was nothing but torn cloth, and stuffing covering the room like a layer of snow. Duo stood facing his kidnappers holding the tattered remains of a mutant cat plushy. His braid was partially undone, and he was breathing heavily. The four kidnappers stood with their backs to the door as if daring Duo to try something else. (Though 'Francis' and 'Dick' didn't look as if they could do anything to Duo. 'Francis' was holding his head as if he was afraid it would explode, and 'Dick' kept breaking into sneezing fits.) Without saying a word the kidnappers slowly backed out of the room, carefully keeping their eyes on Duo.

They all breathed a sigh of relief as the door shut and the locked snapped tight. Collapsing onto chairs or the sofa, all four seemed to sag a bit. This day was NOT turning out like they had planned.

"OK, we DO NOT open that door again until it's time to take him home! Agreed?"

Three heads nodded slightly in agreement.

Staggering to his feet, 'Francis' clutched his head. "Between that tennis ball earlier and getting hit by those toys, my head is killing me!" The other three men could hear 'Francis' in the kitchen. "Whoa! Watch out in kitchen fellas. The floor's still slippery!"

Next, they heard a cabinet open, followed by what can only be described as a 'schlorp' and a 'ploop'.

"AHHH!!!!! I'm going to KILL him!!!!"

'Francis' stormed out of the kitchen covered in gloop. The sticky mass clung to his hair and oozed around his ears, sliding past his shoulders and down his neck into his shirt. His eyes promised pain to anyone who laughed. "Look at what he did! And... and... and on top of that, he dumped all the aspirin down the drain! That little shit is DEAD!"

'Tom' grabbed hold of the irate man's arm, "Wait! Wait. Why don't you go clean up? Take a shower and calm down, ok? Then we'll figure out what to do with him."

Mumbling to himself exactly what he'd like to do to Duo, (half of which is physically impossible, the other half illegal in forty-eight states,) 'Francis' stomped off to shower.

Trying to regain a sense of control and calm, the other three figured the worst was behind them.

<DING DONG>

Meanwhile, Duo was back in the room watching fluff settle. Glancing at his watch, he relaxed. There was plenty of time to play before his date.

Looking around the room for more ways to cause trouble, he caught site of himself in the mirror. What a site! His hair was a disheveled mess with little white bits of fluff stuck throughout it. Everyone has a touch of vanity, and for Duo it was his hair. There was no way he would be caught dead with his hair such a mess! Finding a tiny pink brush on a nightstand, he set to work fixing his hair.

On the stand next to the brush was a music player. Never one to live in silence when there could be noise; he started looking for a disk to put on. There might have been others buried somewhere under the mounds of toy debris, but all Duo could find was "K-Tel Presents: Super Dance Hits of the Twentieth Century!!!" Even though he didn't usually go for that classical stuff, Duo put it on anyway.

<click> ~...Disco Inferno!...~ No!<click> ~...She works hard for the money!...~ Nuh Uh <click> ~...Cause it's a Thriller!...~ eh...No <click> ~...I'm a private dancer...~ Naw... <click> ~She told me to Walk This Way!~ Hell No! <click> ~I know that my heart willlll go on...~ ...<click> ~Livin' La Vida Loca!~ eh? <whirrr> ~She's into superstitions; black cats and voodoo dolls...~

"Cool!"

Whipping his newly done braid behind him, Duo started to dance. Soon he had the brush up and was lip-synching into it, all the while wiggling his hips in time to the music. That's when the doorbell rang.

<DING DONG>

In the living room, three heads swiveled to stare at the door. Peeking around the curtain, looked outside. "Uh, guys? Did either of you order a pizza?"

"...No..."

"Me either."

"Just get the pizza's and get rid of 'em!"

Opening the door, 'Dick' grinned at the poor, pathetic young woman forced to wear a stupid uniform that never fit right with a matching hat that always messed up her hair for long hours while lugging around smelly pizzas for ungrateful customers in a car that will now reek of stale pizza till is dies a miserable death.

"So, how much do I owe you?"

A quick glance at the boxes in her 'stay hot bag', "That'll be $44.63 sir."

Ducking inside, he quickly gathered some money. "Here's $45 dollars. You can keep the change." Taking the pizzas, he closed the door and never saw the poor unappreciated woman get back in her car and trench the lawn as she sped down the road to her next delivery address.

"Hey! I don't know about you guys, but I'm starved!"

After sticking his head into the bathroom and yelling "Pizza's here!", 'Dick' was walking down the hall when he heard Duo buzzing over the houses intercom system.

"Dude! Come on; share the pizza, man! I'm hungry in here!"

Yelling back over the intercom, the kidnapper said "Tough! You're not getting anything. Now keep quiet!"

Duo was quite unhappy about that. After all, he'd ordered those pizza's, they were HIS! Looking around the room, he got an idea...

In the living room, 'Francis' joined the others to eat. Just as they opened the first box, rumbling music started to roar through the house.

<BOOM> LIVIN' <BOOM> LA VIDA <BOOM> LOCA! <BOOM>

Each drumbeat rattled their teeth, each bass note echoed in their chest.

<BOOM> LIVIN' <BOOM> LA VIDA <BOOM> LOCA! <BOOM>

Scrambling to figure out where the incredible loud music was coming from. Finally, one of them figured it out.

"It's that kid! He tapped into the house's intercom system! I can't turn it off or adjust the volume!"

<BOOM> LIVIN' <BOOM> LA VIDA <BOOM> LOCA! <BOOM>

"WHAT???"

"IT'S THE INTERCOM SYSTEM!!!"

<BOOM> LIVIN' <BOOM> LA VIDA <BOOM> LOCA! <BOOM>

"WHAT???"

"INTERCOM SYSTEM!!!"

<BOOM> LIVIN' <BOOM> LA VIDA <BOOM> LOCA! <BOOM>

"WHAT???"

"NEVER MIND!!!"

<BOOM> LIVIN' <BOOM> LA VIDA <BOOM> LOCA! <BOOM>

Until they could figure a way to override Duo's hot wiring, the men had no choice but listen to a perpetual loop of Livin' La Vida Loca loud enough to knock pictures off the walls.

In near unison, the kidnappers huddled in the living room. Each time the chorus blared, they cringed, over and over again. Finally, they started adjusting to the loud assault and reached for the pizza.

One by one they bit into the cheese-covered pies.

And one by one they ran screaming into the kitchen.

Grabbing for something to drink, 'Harry' and 'Tom' each snagged the milk and OJ. They then proceeded to fling the salty sludge into the sink. After trying to rinse out their mouths from the kitchen faucet, all four sunk to the floor. Those parts of their mouths that weren't burnt away from the peppers were now covered in anchovy oil.

'Harry' looked at his fellow kidnappers and cried "I can't take it anymore!!!! That kid is demon spawn, and he'll probably kill us if we try to keep him and longer. I say we give him back."

'Dick' and 'Francis' quickly agreed, but 'Tom' decided to play the devil's advocate and protest'

"What!!!! Are you nuts? That would be giving up a fortune!! You know we can't afford that!"

"We also can't afford to keep that kid" 'Harry' stated.

"At the rate he's going we'll be spending that fortune on medical bills and therapy" "Dick continued.

"I agreed, the kid goes back. NOW. We out vote you so deal with it." Francis said, and with that got up and head to the phone.

<ring ring>

"Hello, we've decided to give your friend back. Where do you want us to drop him off?"

"At this point, you'd have pay us to take him back"

"Hold on" "Francis turned to the others "They say we have to pay them to take him back"

"That's fine"

"We'll rob a bank on the way there"

'Tom' tried to respond, but was quieted by the other two kidnappers

"Okay, we'll pay you, where do you want us to drop him off?"

"Uhh, the park across from the all-night grocery store."

"Fine, give use two hours to get the money."<click>

'Tom' finally broke free from the two holding him back

" I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE GOING TO PAY TO GIVE HIM BACK!!!!!!!"

"Deal with it. Let's go get him"

Three determined men, and one grumbling, disgruntled man, stalked to Duo's fluff-filled prison. Upon reaching their destination, they braced themselves, for anything that might come out of the door. Carefully they opened the door and were treated to a wondrous site of Duo dancing.

'Tom' 'Dick' and 'Harry' rushed forward and grabbed the gyrating youth, while 'Francis' hunted for the source of the annoying music. Finding the music player, he ejected the disk. He turned and found that his cohorts had subdued their captive.

'Tom' had pinned the boy's arms, and had managed to grab that obnoxious braid. 'Dick' and 'Harry' were standing to the side cautiously watching the squirming boy for any escape attempts. 'Harry' was warning 'Tom' against pulling the braid too hard.

"Calm down you brat!!!" 'Tom' growled, "We're taking you back to your friends."

The boy seemed to calm down, and he looked at 'Francis' with wide eyes, "Already?"

'Francis' was slightly surprised by this response, but didn't think much about it. "Yes, we're taking you back to your friends, and you can take this damn disk with you and annoy them with it" Shoving the disk down Duo's shirt. "Ok, let's go"

With 'Tom' keeping a firm grip on Duo's arms the made their way through the halls to the garage. Duo went easily, but he mind was racing. He wasn't quite done playing with these morons yet! And besides, he had to get 'Tom' back for calling him a brat and touching his hair.

When they entered the garage his eyes lit up as he spied the makeshift artist studio taking up 1/4 of the space. There were so many squirt tubes, little metal cans, spray paints and even tupperware buckets full of all sorts of colors! A broad grin spread across his face and before any of his kidnapers noticed he went completely limp, surprising 'Tom' enough to break his hold and dashed over to the art supplies.

The kidnappers started after him but stopped and dove for cover as he began flinging the little metals cans at them. Once they were suitably distract, Duo started popping the tops off the squirt paint tubes and throwing them out as well. Now when the kidnappers were running to avoid the cans they always seemed to have a tube land under their feet, sending sprays of color over the floor and themselves.

If a kidnapper got too close Duo was ready with a can of spray paint. They were now wearing clothes decorated a motley array of colors, and had decided to stay far away until Duo ran out of ammo. Deciding that he hadn't made a big enough mess yet Duo pulled the lids off the tupperware buckets and sent them flying. Most of the paint landed over the floor and the van but then Duo pulled the lid off the last bucket and was nearly blinded by the day glo neon pink color inside. He looked up and saw the braid pulling 'Tom' moving to hide behind the van.

He picked up the bucket, spun around to pick up momentum, and threw with deadly accuracy. The bucket sailed over the van with about half the paint falling out to give it a nice pink skunk streak, then landed neatly on 'Tom's head, covering him in hot pink paint.

Smirking with victory Duo turned one last time to see what other paint was there and then saw a blue bike chain pass before his eyes, right before his arms were pinned and he was wrestled to the ground by 'Dick'. Although he was squirming as much as he could, 'Dick' managed to wrap the chain around him twice and lock it. 'Francis' then came over with two more bike chains and they tied together his hands and legs. 'Harry' was trying to help 'Tom' get some of the paint off, but whatever it was if was fast drying, and looked like they would now need turpentine.

Duo was now cursing enough to peel the paint off, but 'Frances' stopped him by gagging with a small yellow rodent looking plushy with red cheeks and black stripes. Too bad it wouldn't help, since it was a "talking" plushy and squeaked when squeezed. pikapikapikapikapiakpiakpikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikpakapikapikapika

"Now do you understand why we have to give him back?" 'Francis' asked the miserable looking 'Tom'

"Yes, and let's hurry before he gets loose again!"

So, pantyhose and ski masks in hand, the weary kidnappers headed off to find the nearest bank with Duo squirming on the floor of their van.

pikapikapikapikapiakpiakpikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikpakapikapikapika

Back at the Gundam boy's safe house, Wufei finally got home. After a long day of blowing up OZ bases, all he wanted to do was relax and let Duo take his mind off the war.

Having noticed Deathscythe still in the hanger but Duo not in their room or watching TV, Wufei turned into the kitchen just in time to hear Heero mutter "I still can't believe they're paying to get rid of him." It looked like the other three pilots were about to go somewhere, and Duo was no where in site.

"Get rid of who Heero? And where's Duo?"

It seemed a simple enough question, but Wufei was surprised at the reactions he got. Spinning around, Quatre gasped, Trowa's eye widened, and Heero... blushed???

"Wufei! We... we didn't think you'd be back so soon!"

Crossing his arms and ignoring Quatre's exclamation, he asked Heero again. "Where's Duo?"

Meanwhile...

Pikapikapikapikapiakpiakpikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikpakapika

'Tom' clutched the steering wheel in time to each squeak from the plushy from hell. "What's taking them so long?"

"They just went in! Give 'em a minute, ok?"

"I just want to get rid of him! Never should have got out 'a bed this morning."

"Yeah, I hear ya! They should be out any minute now, get ready to floor it and ...hey, are you glowing in the dark?..."

"Shut UP!"

pikapikapikapikapiakpiakpikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikpakapika

A little while later, in the park across from the all-night grocery store...

"So you see Wufei, that's what happened. Trowa and I didn't mean to leave him behind in the van, but I'm sure he's fine, and I'm really SO sorry, but he'll be back soon right? Everything will be ok."

The Chinese pilot eyed his babbling friend. "I still can't believe you let him go to Starbucks after what happened last time." Then he turned to Heero. "As for you! Where do you get off..."

Cutting Wufei's tirade, Quatre pointed to something in the distance. "Here they come! That's the van from this afternoon!"

Turning, the boys watched as a psychedelic neon splotched van with a pink skunk stripe drove down the street.

"I thought you said the van was black."

Trowa and Quatre looked at each other and shrugged. "It was."

Heero squinted against the glare from the window glass. "Why is the driver glowing?"

At the same time, inside the psychedelic neon splotched van with a pink skunk stripe...

Pikapikapikapikapiakpiakpikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikapikpakapikapika

'Harry' scanned the park up ahead. "There they are! I recognize the Winner kid, and that bang!"

"Do you have the money ready? Open the door and toss them out!"

Hearing this, Duo got frantic. He did NOT want to be thrown from a moving vehicle! That hurt! His hands were just about free when the side of the van opened.

Quatre turned to Trowa. "It's not slowing down!"

Racing to the edge of the road, Wufei saw the van door open. He saw four men wearing ski masks and women's underwear on their heads in the van (one WAS glowing!), and then he saw Duo, bound in chains, flying through the air right at him.

Several things happened at once. Wufei and Quatre rushed to catch the flailing Duo and crashed into each other. Trowa tried to steady Quatre, and Heero, who was focusing on Duo, failed to notice the sack of money that had been tossed out until it hit him in the face, knocking him off-balance enough to send him to the ground. Duo landed on Wufei and Quatre, knocking them back onto Trowa, sending the entire lot tumbling on top of Heero.

Duo finally managed to spit out the plushy and yelled at the rapidly receding psychedelic van

"GET BACK HERE!!! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!!!!!!!"

And in response the oddly colored van sped up as it turned around a corner.

Carefully, the boys pulled themselves up. Heero picked up the bag of money and begin walking to their Jeep. As Wufei and Quatre started working to get the bike chains off Duo, he saw the angry look his boyfriend was giving him and thought ~Uh-oh, I'm in trouble now!~

"Uhh, what's wrong Wufei? I mean it's not too late to go out, is it? I'd really hate to miss out on our date. How did your mission go?"

"What the hell were you thinking, letting yourself get kidnapped? You're a fully trained Gundam pilot! I know you could have gotten away easily."

Duo squirmed as they got the last of the chains off from around is legs, "Well yeah, but they weren't going after ME, they were going after Quatre and his family. They actually thought I was one of Quatre's sisters. What if they HAD gotten one of them? I just wanted to teach them a lesson so they'll never try kidnapping some-one again."

He breathed an inward sigh of relief as Wufei's angry look faded and was replaced with a looked of mild exasperation and grudgingly given respect. They got up and joined Heero and Trowa in the Jeep. Then Duo noticed Quatre giving him an odd appraising look.

"Quatre, why are you looking at me that way?"

"Well, uhm, it's just... I've just noticed that you do look like my sister Arianna. Her hair is a shade lighter than yours is, but you definitely look like her. I don't know why I haven't noticed before."

Duo could only gape at the blonde boy as snickers came from the front of the Jeep. Wufei fought to keep a straight face, but an amused smirk managed to slip out, which quickly disappeared as Duo turned to him to him with a scowl.

"What do you think is so funny? And what was with that money bag, anyway?"

Trowa glanced back and calmly mentioned "Heero made the kidnappers pay us to take you back."

"HEERO DID WHAT?????? HEERO!!!!!!!!"

Wufei opened his mouth to sooth his lover's ruffled feathers but Quatre beat him to it by distracting Duo with a question that had been bugging him.

"Duo, what did you do that made the kidnappers so eager to give you back?"

"Well first off those jokers can't tie a decent know to save their lives. They tried tying me up six times, and each time it was pathetically easy to get loose. . ."

Soon the Jeep as fill with laughter as the boys went into hysterics over Duo's antics, though as they got nearer to the safe house his litany of events became more and punctuated by huge wide mouth yawns. But the time they got home Duo was half asleep and snuggling against Wufei.

Once inside, Duo immediately stretched out on the couch with his head in Wufei's lap. Quatre went to get the first aid kit to take care of the few scrapes and bruises his friend had gotten tussling with his kidnappers. Duo looked up with sleepy eyes at his dark-eyed lover.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No, not mad, just annoyed. Didn't you even think how worried we'd be? Quatre was frantic about you. And I. . ."

Wufei, cutting himself off before he said anything too embarrassing or went off on a rant, looked down and saw that Duo had fallen asleep. Just then Quatre returned with the kit.

"Never mind Quatre." Wufei said with a sigh. "It looks like the sugar crash has finally caught up with him. Just help me put him to bed."

Together they hauled the limp, braided pilot to the room he shared with Wufei. Softly they heard him singing "Up side inside out, she's livin la vida loca."

Quatre heard Wufei murmur, "I don't want to know. I do not even want to know." Sitting Duo on the bed, they stripped him down to his t-shirt and boxers, tossing the odd disk they found stuffed into his shirt onto the desk. Once Duo was tucked under the blankets Quatre left the room, leaving Wufei sitting on the bed looking at the braided boy. For a few minutes he just sat there listening to his lover's soft breathing, then brushed Duo bangs out of his face and left.

Finding the other pilots in the kitchen, Wufei crossed his arms and glared at Heero

"Heero, we need to talk."

Heero took one look at Wufei's expression and said, "I have to go work on Wing."

"Heero!"

Next Chapter

Back to Fan Fiction Archive