How to survive Survivor? ~ Written on 15th Mar 2001
Take the hint from the logo: Outwit, Outplay, Outlast... Backstabbing, bitching and betrayal are acceptable.
Surviors voted off so far:
(As of 16th Mar 2001)
Debbie Eaton
(Episode One)
Kel Gleason
(Episode Two)
Maralyn Hershey
(Episode Three)
Mitchell Olson (Episode Four)
Kimmi Kappenberg (Episode Five)
Micheal Skupin (Episode Six)
Jeff Varner (Episode Seven)
The biggest bitch of them all: Jerri Manthey
I confess: I'm a survivor fan. I mean look at it this way: when can you see outright backstabbing, bitching and betrayal on local English TV? The nearest TCS has got to that would have been that classic flop "Masters of the Sea" and that classic line: "I would crush you... Crush you like a cockroach!" Recent offerings from TCS have been more than disappointing, with "Making Love" (Not tonight dear. It's really a HEADACHE!), "Spin" (Out of control?) and even the most recent "Miss Universe-Singapore Peagent 2001" (World Peace!)
(i) REWARD CHALLENGES: PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
The Ogakor tribe found out the hard way, especially with food being the reward. The whole tribe was starving ever since day 4 onwards and that lead to their subsequent losses during the Immunity Challenges. The other tribe was always practicing for these challenges while Ogakor only talked about what they would do with the rewards.
(ii) KEEP YOUR PEACE
Never ever open your big mouth especially when your tribe members are trying to sleep. Look what happened to Debb Eaton. She was voted off on the first episode for having the biggest mouth Down-under.
(iii) NEVER ACT SUSPICIOUSLY AROUND FOOD
When your tribe is low on food, try not to act like you are eating your private stash and not sharing with your tribe. Also, never try to redeem yourself by offering a lame excuse or razor blades. It will definitely make matters worse. Kel Gleason should have thought better than to do that in Episode 2... sigh...
(iv) NEVER FALL ASLEEP IN FRONT OF THE FIRE
Not that the fire will spread. We're talking about the campsite next to a river here. Anyway, Micheal Skupin fell asleep and burnt his hands and face. For once, someone left the show due to an injury and not due to a consensus. By the way, that episode (6) was rated PG and was the only one showing the production crew and the medical team trying to save Micheal.
(v) NEVER VOLUNTEER TO BE VOTED OFF
No matter what happens, never never never tell your team mates to vote you off at the next Tribal Council. Mitchell Olson just gave up during the fourth episode, saying he was tired, hungry and sick of the game. Oh well, I guess it's "Bye bye!" then.
(vi) DON'T EVER BE ATTACHED TO THE FOOD
I know Kimmi Kappenberg is a vegeterian and I'm an occasional one too, but keep quiet if you can't eat the chickens or the pig. Why did she have to name the chickens and say goodbye to them before each slaughter? Remember: you're trying to survive. Try putting your morals aside and get as much nutrition as possible.
(vii) REMEMBER TO TAKE THE OCCASIONAL SWIM
Yes, there were crocodiles and yes, the water isn't too clean, but do take an occasional swim. You're on national TV and viewers don't really want to see the dirt lines (not tan lines) on your body. You don't want to stink up the whole camp either. I guess that's why Kimmi was voted off during the fifth episode, having made two major boo-boos.
(viii) NEVER GIVE UP DURING ANY IMMUNITY CHALLENGE
Look, it's very simple. Win the challenge and you're immune from being voted off. Look at Jeff Varner. He was very vulnerable, having received votes before. Why the hack did he give up? And I was roping for him to win the game too... sigh...
(ix) TRUST NO ONE
Make sure that any alliances you made are more or less solid and try to do an occasional backstab. Maralyn Hershey thought that Tina was supporting her but was voted off in Episode 3. Even Tina voted against Maralyn! Morale of the story? Try to be less gullible.
(x) ULTIMATE BITCH
When all else fails, be the most obnoxious bitch there ever can be and get people to stick to you like glue. Hey, it worked for Jerri Manthey and is still working. You may not be well-liked but at least you will be able to stay alive for a while more. Personally, I don't think she's as bad as she looks. Of course she's an aspiring actress, and could be playing the bitchy role for all she's worth but you can never tell.
Note: Jerri Manthey has already been voted off the island at the ninth Tribal Council, i.e. tenth episode. There is justice after all :)