Cliques and Violence: Enough Already!

For the most part, punks, goths, and other out-of-the-mainstream social groups are made up of sane, rational people who happen to have a different way of looking at things and a different opinion of what is beautiful. And sane, rational mainstreamers (believe it or not, there *are* a few of them out there) know this. But it hasn't been apparent (at least not to me) lately.

If you're reading this, I'm going to go ahead and assume you're the sort of person who knows, either firsthand or through a friend, that jocks and preppies often don't like anyone they perceive as "weird" (that's in parentheses because, frankly, *I* think THEY'RE pretty weird themselves). Odds are you also know someone who has been harassed or even attacked for being who they are (it certainly happened to *me*). It's disturbingly common.

Call me cynical. Call me disturbed (years of getting beaten up sometimes do that to a person...). But when the Columbine shooting happened, frankly, I wasn't surprised. I was racked with rage and grief (and there's a part of me that always will be), but it *didn't* come as a surprise to me. Let's look at the facts, shall we? You've got these kids who aren't like the ones who run the whole freaking school. They band together as friends, but for some of them it's not enough. They gradually begin to focus on Hitler and hatred. It's not a smart thing to do, but it's a way out to them. Anger and hate are *very* strong emotions, and directing them like that can give a much-abused underdog an intoxicating feeling of being in control. Students who are victimized by their peers usually feel completely out of control, and some are either brave enough to look for a way out (sometimes, any way out) or just crack from the pressure after a while. Taking the hate focused on them and turning it back on the guilty parties seems perfectly natural to victims - turnabout is fair play, right?

On some levels, yes, turnabout is by all means fair. I happen to think killing a person's spirit is just as bad as (if not worse than) killing them outright. But most people think differently (plus, the law is on their side). And most people also fail to understand or give a damn about "outsiders." Many see us as modern-day sideshow exhibits that exist solely for their sick, twisted "amusement," or worse, social "deviants" to be "fixed" through humiliation and outright torture. By opening fire on mainstream students, Eric and Dylan didn't just lower themselves to their level. Some of their victims were "innocent" (by which I mean they weren't directly involved in harassing them, but may very well have knowingly allowed it to continue, which is just as bad as being the aggressor - yes, it's beside the point, but the fact remains that it needs to be said, and I happen to have the guts to say it). To the average person (by which I mean anyone who is dumb enough to listen only to one-sided "news" reports and is unwilling to reason or draw their own conclusion), this alone made these trench-coated misfits seem like heartless butchers. Taking out popular students, athletes, and "good kids" also made the shooters into destroyers of small-town teenage society - let's face it, most parents want their kids to be liked, athletic, and well-behaved (even if they only seem to be) because that happens to be their image of a healthy, well-adjusted future upstanding citizen (I'm retching as I type this...I'm *very* lucky that my parents finally accepted me as the oddball I am). The shooting was intended as an act of both defiance and revenge, but in the end, only reinforced the idea that there is something "wrong" with every student who wears black clothes, doesn't care about pep rallies, or is different from their fellow students in *any* way at all.

There's an Offspring song with a line in it that goes "Your neverending spree of death and violence and hate is gonna tie your own rope," and it's true (the song's about gangs, but it's getting to the point where soon there will be even *less* of a difference between gangs and cliques), but the thing is, revenge through violence spells nothing *but* bad news for alts. Many people are already uninformed (or just plain close-minded) enough that they actually believe that all goths are suicidal and depressed, all punks are self-destructive anarchist thugs, and so on. (Side note: In my experience, high school athletes are far more likely to fit the average idiot's profile of a punk than punks themselves - don't get me wrong, though, I did know a couple who were quite nice.) Let's say a few thuggish football players toss a classmate with spiked, dyed-black hair into a Dumpster. If the creatively-coiffed student complains, the complaint will be ignored or disregarded, either because the football players are on the disciplinarian's good side (which is too frequently the case) or because he's "just some weird punk kid" who happens to be different. Now if the victim's friends seek revenge against the jocks, or attempt to defend themselves or their friend, the odds of the disciplinarian taking their side (or so much as listening to their side of the story) are slim, because a), they aren't the ones the school counts on to win some stupid trophy, and b), the stereotype of athletes as self-disciplined, goal-oriented role models is persistent (although archaic). Also, if a cheerleader reported feeling suicidal, you can pretty much bet someone would get her help - cheerleaders are supposed to be *happy,* you know - but if it was a punk girl with heavy black eyeliner, she would be dismissed as "seeking attention" just because she wasn't Little Miss Popularity and, in the minds of the slow and stupid, needed to think someone cared. (The truth of the matter is, very few alts care what anyone - with the possible exception of their closest friends - thinks, much less give a damn about feeling well-liked.)

I know I need to be fair (even if no one else will), so I'd better say this: There *is* a tremendous amount of pressure to be a jock (refer to "The Cult of Athletics," which will soon be on this site, for my full explanation). Parents push their kids into sports, coaches hassle and humiliate players who make a mistake or just plain aren't superstars, and students are graded on how well they perform in gym class. If you think kicking a ball is boring (to this day I'd rather climb a tree) or can't run fast because of a physical condition (like me and my untreatable EIA), guess what, you're out of luck! I suspect that some athletes who are under intense pressure from family, coaches, teammates, and even so-called friends to do well turn to harassing students who aren't athletic as a way of taking control over something, and as a way of taking revenge on a world that won't allow them to mess up once. Few people expect a girl with long black hair who is wearing a corset to lead cheers or play volleyball. Most people think athletic high-schoolers play sports for fun or relieving stress, but if it's not the case, they may very well misdirect their emotions at innocent bystanders who happen to be in combat boots or carrying sketch pads. (Good grief, am I really being this sympathetic? Now I *know* I'm getting soft...)

But I digress. Some non-mainstream teens, after bearing the post-Columbine backlash (which, I might add, wasn't exactly going away the last time I checked), are fed up. This is perfectly reasonable. Too much is too much! But these days, some of them are taking control of their schools into their own hands...in a bad way. I've heard reports of seemingly average students (the kind who might wear faded jeans and sneakers but aren't necessarily part of the preppie flock) being intimidated and hassled outright by their not-so-average-looking conterparts. I suspect that in at least some cases it's to make the mainstream students respect, fear, and stay away from the classmates they otherwise might start to torment - in other words, to beat the brats at their own game. The thing is, though, not all mainstreamers are bullies, and it's wrong to assume they're all subhuman creatures without knowing anything about each specific person (and even then, some truths of the matter may not be known). I'm starting to worry that the backlash has come full circle. Some school districts have already banned or attempted to ban the "goth" and "punk" styles of dress, in spite of the fact that most of the time, the goths and punks are not the problem. The *real* enemy is small-mindedness learned from (and practiced by) parents, teachers, older students, and other authority figures alike. Many high schools (including one of the three I attended) like to talk about "diversity," but only superficial diversity. They encourage students of different cultures, races, or religions (usually only mainstream religions, of course) to get along and appreciate their lack of sameness, but they don't often encourage students from different social groups to be friendly towards each other, especially when one group likely didn't exist (or existed under constant harassment and scrutiny from adults) when today's parents and teachers were young (think about it - punk rock didn't surface until about 1976, goth came about in the '80s, and the grunge/alternative scene was largely a product of the early-to-mid-'90s). But do they consider the fact that the circumstances of today's students are drastically different from their own? I suspect not. They might not realize being young today is so different, or they just might not care at all. (I must admit that after an entire childhood of having complaints against mean schoolmates ignored and handled badly by adults, I find it extremely difficult to cut them *any* slack at all, in spite of the fact that I am 20 years old.)

There is a bottom line here: because of misconceptions, lies, and small-mindedness, many people have negative opinions of non-mainstream teens, and dealing with cruel classmates (or even bullying teachers) in a violent, destructive way only makes the stereotypes worse, gives hatemongers "evidence" against those they already despise (and makes it easier to spread the hatred), and widens the divide between Them and Us. I for one have had enough of all the callous cruelty, and of the people who neglect to stop it. I believe that the best "cure" for this social problem is for adults and students alike (of all creeds and walks of life) to always be fair, objective, and tolerant, even when they don't feel like it, and to speak up when they know someone isn't being treated fairly (even if they don't like the person) and, most importantly, to NOT BACK DOWN NO MATTER WHAT when someone's human rights are being squashed. Also, it might be good to wear tolerance ribbons in solidarity. After Columbine, a few students (too few, really) at my school understood why it happened and gave out sky-blue or white ribbons to be worn as a symbol of accepting others as they are. If intolerance is surfacing on either side of the divide (on the non-mainstream side, it can be as subtle as someone referring to cheerleaders as bimbos - I personally never met a cheerleader who *wasn't* a bimbo, but that doesn't mean they don't exist), pin a ribbon to your backpack or jacket and encourage anyone else who knows it just isn't right to do the same. *Please* email me and tell me what you think. If you're trying to stop the hate in your area, I'd really like to hear about it. I need to regain my faith in humanity...

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