Author: N-Dawg
Feed the hungry feedback demon at [email protected]
Rating PG
Faith
Disclaimer: Don't own
Spoilers - Season 7 BtVS
Summary: Angst
Authors notes: For more stories by me, come to http://www.geocities.com/slasherphiles/ , slashing 24/6...
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You can�t help you�re so insecure�
It was almost like a bad dream, and for the first time in her life, Faith was helpless. She couldn�t fight her way out of this situation, couldn�t even try fighting. This was it. It was her turn now, her turn to be the strong one, the leader, the boss. It was the position that she had wanted for years, to be the one and only Chosen, the one everyone looked up to.
And now she was. But this wasn�t the way she�d wanted it. Never this way. This new burden, the one she�d been wanting for so long, it was finally hers, but now, now all she wanted to do was give it back. Give it back and scream �How did you do this? How can you lead people into war?�
She wasn�t good enough for this, wasn�t strong enough, wasn�t prepared to watch people die in places she�d sent them. And she knew they were thinking it too. Why had they thrown Buffy out for Faith? Why had they picked the dark Slayer over the good one? Why, why, why?
It should�ve been easy, almost like a second nature to take over. After all, Faith had wanted it for so long, had dreamt about this moment, the respect of Willow, Xander, Giles even� but now that she had it, she no longer wanted it. They were all watching, waiting for her to take charge, to be the leader they wanted� to be the leader Buffy had been.
But she wasn�t Buffy, and she never would be.
And now, standing in this new position, Faith wondered why she had ever envied her.
Faith knew what she had to do. She had to lead these girls into battle. Where many of them would die� and as much as she hated to say, that would hurt her more than she was willing to admit.
For the first time, it�s a break down�
She was losing it, buckling under the pressure, but how could she not? She just kept wonder how Buffy had ever managed to do this� day after day, lead them, guide them, keep them safe� and now the one person who had ever understood the burden of being a Slayer, doomed to a life alone� she was gone. She�d left because they�d all attacked her, criticized the way she�d handled everything.
And inside, all Faith was doing, was screaming that she wasn�t good enough, that she needed Buffy here to help, needed to not be in charge.
It was too hard! Too hard to make the plans, to stick to them, to try and keep everyone safe, to make the decisions which would ultimately end in the choices �who could she sacrifice?�.
How had she not seen this before? Everyday, she used to watch Buffy, with all her friends, and then be by herself, all alone, no one, not surrounded by people like Buffy� and she was jealous. And now, here she was, and everyone was looking to her, trusting her to lead them, to not get them killed, and she felt more alone than she had ever felt in her life. And she realised, that was Buffy, everyday.
Alone.
Welcome to Break Town�