WHO IS JACK
SCHITT
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
We find
ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack
Schitt!" Well,
thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an
intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the
fertilizer
magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.
They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious
couple
produced six children:
Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the
twins Deap
Schitt and Dip Schitt. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe
Schitt
divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her
kids were
living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was
then known
as
Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt,
a high
school dropout.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a
son with a
rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were
inseparable
throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens
brothers in a dual
ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the
Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg,
Byrd, and
Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He
recently
returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt, "
you can correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt