My Snake Story

So, there they were, Ocelot, Liquid and Sniper Wolf. They were blabbing on about shit that i
cant remember, so anyways, They had snake on this up-right rotating bed thing, and his arms and
feet were like secured in it, so then liquid and sniper wolf left the room. but Ocelot was still
in the room with snake telling him about how he was gonna play a "game", he said he was gonna run
a high electric current through snakes body, it wouldn't kill him if it was for a short time, he
told snake to push the O repeatedly button to regain his strength and press the select button to
submit, (lol), oh yeah, snake wasn't wearing a shirt, he was wearing his pants that are under
his other pants (you know, the ones that are under the ones that are made to prevent
hypothermia) and oh yeah, Ocelot only has one hand, the Ninja (or to me, THE NINGA!)
cut off his other one, and so, snake went through with the torture and did
not submit to it, so then i came running in (me as in BRITT okay?!?!?) the room
"SNAKE!!!!" i yelled and i turned to Ocelot and said "hey, i just wanted to tell you that..you
have no hand" and this made Ocelot upset, he started crying and he ran over into the bathroom and
locked himself in there, so i knocked on the door "hey, Ocelot, come back outta there"
"no *sniff sniff*" and you could hear him crying, so i went over and grabbed Snake's clothes and
freed him,
"ah ..thanks" he said as he rubbed his wrists, and then i grabbed him and started running off
with him, "HEY!" he yelled but i kept running, i ran all the way from alaska back to my home
in Brampton, Ontario, so when i got home with snake, we all (me, my sister(d) and snake) went to
my room and started watching Master of Mosquiton, i kept staring at snake because he's good
looking. He was still not wearing his shirt. Off in the corner D was trying to put on his
clothes
"WHAT?!?!? IM NOT TRYING TO PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON!!" She yelled, me and snake
were just like yyeess and so snake got up and was about to walk to the door, and his ass was face
height to me, so i reached out and grabbed it
"AHHH RAPE!!" Snake yelled and spit in my eye twice,
"ah yes, i have chosen well.." i said while wiping the spit out of my eye, this confused him and
was like
"wha-what?" and so then he walked towards the door where d was, so, by instinct she grabbed his
ass, and then quickly used the stealth camouflage that she had for some odd reason.
"WHAT TOUCHED MY BUTT?!" Snake yelled while turning around and looking at me, and seeing i was
the only person in the room, i looked all innocent because i was,
"d did." i said innocently, he just looked at me with the eeeviiil eye then he continued going out
to the living room. He was about to go in the kitchen when
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING BRINGING GUNS IN THE HOUSE???!" my dad yelled at snake seeing he had a Nikita
with him,
"DON'T YELL AT ME LIKE THAT!!!" Snake yelled as he shot the Nikita missile at my dad, but then he
controlled it with the directional buttons and made it blow up my dads tv!
"AHHHH!! NOOOOO!!" my dad yelled while sliding his hands down his face, and then he was just
sitting there, going insane, and by now snake was raiding the fridge,
"damn it! there isn't much stuff in here!" he said while looking in the vegetable crispers, my dad
was looking around "Anna! ANNA!" he was yelling, Anna being my mom, was not home, she had went to
her moms, but my dad was still calling her "WHERE ARE MY GUNS!?!?" he yelled, then he remembered
that the cops took them and all he had was the scope to one of them, so he grabbed the scope and
was aiming at Snake in the kitchen, Snake still wasn't wearing a shirt, anyways, my dad was
reaching out for the trigger of the gun that wasn't there and he let go of the scope and it fell on
his toe, "OWW!! THAT BITCH!" he screamed as he pointed at the scope that was on the ground, and
if it was a person, it would have an evil grin on its face, Snake looked at my dad like he shot
him in the groin. Snake grabbed a cup and poured a glass of milk, he was drinking it when d
ran into the kitchen, wearing stealth camouflage still. Snakes Codec went off, it was Otacon
"Snake! the guys that stole my stealth prototypes are in the room with you!" he yelled. even
though D was the only one in there,
"GIIVVEE ME THAAT!!" she yelled as she grabbed the glass of milk from Snake and started drinking
it, that's when i walked in
"GIIVVEE ME THAAT!!" i yelled as i grabbed the floating glass of milk from d and started drinking
it
"GIIVVEE ME THAAT!!" Snake yelled as he grabbed the glass of milk from me and he finished it,
so then i made d give me the sniper rifle and the stinger and the mine detector in exchange for
the Nikita because we had gotten to a mine-field, we were here because we wanted some food from
the store that was beyond the field That store was the Fortinos. D sat in the bush because she was
lazy and she didn't want to walk through the minefield. There were mines everywhere, except for
where there weren't, so i was about to walk forward when "NO DON'T STEP THERE!! THERES A MINE!!"
snake yelled, because he was using thermal goggles and he saw the mine so i didn't step there,
"hnn..." i whimpered as i followed behind him staring at his behind because he's good looking, and
then we got to the Fortinos and we were attacked by the Hind D (a Russian gun ship) and who was
driving it? none other than liquid himself, he opened fire at us and so we ran to the roof of the
Fortinos
"So the snake has finally come out of his hole! Are you ready now....my brother?" Liquid yelled
from inside the Hind.
"Why are you calling me brother?! Who the hell are you?!" Snake yelled back at him from the roof
of the Fortinos
"I'm you! ..I'm your shadow!"
"What?!"
"Ask the father that you killed! I'll send you to hell to meet him!!" (download sound of them talking)
"rrgrr!" snake clenched his fist, liquid then started shooting at us, I gave snake the stinger so
he could shoot the stinger missiles at the hind,
"don't worry, you have 2 rations...wait no, i have the 2 rations AH SHIT! D HAS THE RATIONS!" i
yelled as i realized we were in deep shit, but it must have been a coincidence, because d came
running onto the roof and she gave me the rations although she was still wearing the stealth, then she ran over to
the other side of the roof and then she was aiming at the Hind with the Nikita.
"hey snake, i think i can do this.." i said to snake,
"i don't know.." he said back at me
"c'mon, i think i can!"
"um, okay i guess you can try.." he said as he handed me the stinger, so i was attempting to shoot the hind when he
shot snake
"SSNNAAAKE!" i yelled as i threw the stinger onto the ground (well the roof but we were up there
so it kinda is the ground) and kneeled down beside snake, i gave him a ration (which is food,
incase you didn't know, so it made him healthy again) i grabbed the sniper rifle as i aimed at the
hind as it was going closer to the ground, that's when (Snake and i did not know this though) d
jumped onto the back of the hind and was about to shoot at it from on it but she accidentally sat
up to far and she hit her head on the rotor thingy and was flung off onto the roof, (yet again,
we did not know) i was about to fire when the Hind smashed into doors, entering the Fortinos and was killing
everyone and smashing through everything in there, he killed Shinji and Kaworu and Voldo
and Piccolo because he smashed through the olive cart but Vash, Xelloss and Nemesis were still
alive, well Nemesis wasn't killed, but he wasn't alive either (because Nemesis IS dead) so snake and
i decided to run away from the attack while liquid was in the Fortinos, so we were running when we tripped
over d and fell down, i was beside snake, so i was very happy, i stared at him because he's good looking and
then i was about to kiss him when snakes Codec went off, it was Campbell
"it looks like shes trying to kiss you!" Campbell said
"Colonel! what do i do?" snake asked desperately
"tend to the other one, i suppose" and with that campbell was gone, so snake quickly sat up and
turned to the invisible d, so then i somehow got his Codec that was imbedded in his ear and
shoved it in mine
"dammit! WHERE IS SHE!!?!?!" snake yelled, and stood on her back, and he was stomping around
yelling "WHERE IS SHE WHERE IS SHE??!?!" over and over and then the Codec beeped again, but this
time, it wasn't Campbell, nope, it was Otacon
"snake!" Otacon yelled
"huh? snake can't come to the Codec right now" i said with a giggle
"who are you?"
"im...im snakes new girlfriend!"
"oh..um.. i need to talk to snake!"
"i'll let you talk to him on one condition, you do the face thingy again!"
"oh, you mean this?" Otacon's face went all big and flat as he yelled "LOOK OUT SNAKE! THE GUYS
WHO STOLE MY STEALTH PROTOTYPES ARE IN THERE WITH YOU!!!!" (download sound)
"YES!!" i yelled as i laughed so hard, there was tears in my eyes. So then i imbedded the Codec
back in snakes ear and Otacon, kinda liked saying the look out the guys who stole my stealth
proto-etc. and so otacon's face went all big and flat as he yelled
"LOOK OUT SNAKE! THE GUYS WHO STOLE MY STEALTH PROTOTYPES ARE IN THERE WITH YOU!"
"...." snake didn't really know what to think this time
"Snake, to turn off the Stealth Camouflage you have to slap the boob like area" Otacon told
snake
"WHAT?! YOU EXPECT ME TO--" snake said but was cut off
"no, snake, she has to do it" snake was relieved,
"but how am i supposed to get her to do that? shes invisible!"
"well, you know shes infront of you if you tripped over her, so just feel it out, i guess" Otacon
said and he was gone.
"hey, snake" i said as i looked up at him
"yeah?" he said
"i think...you're standing on her"
"why would you say that?"
"well...only because you're off the ground" i said as i pointed to his feet and the distance
between them and the ground,
"oh yes, i see" he said as he looked down, he stepped off her and started feeling around, "IS
THAT YOU?" he said loudly as he poked her in the eye because her head was side-ways
"OW MY EYE!" d yelled
"okay, so i believe that's her head" i said. Snake took his hand away and looked at me
"whoa! who'da thunk?" he said sarcastically, "uh oh, i forget where her head is.." he said looking
around, so he poked at random "is that your head?" he said as he stuck his finger in her ear
"thats...my ear" she said
"YAY! YOU FOUND HER EAR!" i yelled happily, snake just looked at me cock-eyed, so we guessed
her head would be side-ways, then we decided that she was on her stomach. We guessed where her arm
would be and we pulled her, but she just dragged along because we were pulling her
arm that was closer to us, we realized it wasn't working, so we finally got her other arm and
pulled her onto her back
"hey d, you have to slap your boob area to make the stealth go away" snake told her
"rugrh" d said, and soon after she did what she was told, and we gave her the other ration, but
then, liquid came out of the Fortinos and was shooting at us again, snake grabbed the stinger, d
grabbed the Nikita and i grabbed the psg-1 sniper rifle, d and i shot at him before he'd go
inside the Fortinos to wait for a good attack time, and snake shot at him whenever he wasn't in
there, and liquid kept shooting at us, but we survived, and then, he shot a final missile at us,
because we had just about defeated him,
"DIE!" liquid yelled as he flew far out into the sky "EAT THIS!!!" it blew up the exit from the
roof on the far side of the building "HAHAHAHAAHA! EYAH!" then his hind went hurtling towards the
ground. "COME ON! FLY!..DAMN!" liquid yelled between the grunts while trying to make the hind fly
"SSSNNNAAAKKKEEEE!!!" liquid yelled as his hind crashed and smashed into the ground.
"see you in hell....liquid." snake said while walking towards me and d "that takes care of the
cremation." (download sound)
"so cold.." d said while rubbing her chin
"yeah...gotta love it." i said
then we ran to the other exit off the roof into the store, we walked around the store getting
some grub, we didn't have to buy anything because everyone was dead, so we stole a bunch of candy
and junk and such, so then we ran back to the mine field. D did the hoo hoo hoo hoo thingy (which
is just running like that football player for that mouse pad add) through the field, for some odd
reason she knew where the mines were, so snake and i imitated her and followed, snake was still
shirtless, so we went back to my house, and James (my brother) was on the phone with someone, as
usual, but he was on the phone with his girlfriend, Sam, they were just saying bye when we walked inside.
"who the HELL are you?!" James yelled pointing at snake. "how old are you?! why aren't you
wearing a shirt?!?!" james continued yelling
"He's a friend of ours" d said
"well deanna and brittany, its not good to have an older shirtless man in the house.." james was
giving us a lecture about having older shirtless men in our house. Snake was becoming impatient
because james kept talking and talking and talking and it was really boring so snake punched
james in the stomach "OOWW!!" james yelled as he fell towards the wall, oh yeah, and he was in
his underwear, (as usual) "dammit, im getting fat" he kept saying, cuz he always says that, snake
punched him again and he fell to the ground, he was still lecturing us as this happened, it was
pretty annoying, so we just looked at each other and walked up the stairs and sat on the couch,
my dad was still traumatized about his tv, but now he was holding the remote control and aiming it
at the busted tv and trying to change the channel, it was kind of funny....no, it was REALLY funny
"uhh...when are you taking me back to Alaska?" snake asked
"Never" d and i said at the same time while staring at him because he's good looking
"well..where will i sleep?" snake asked trying to think of a good plan to escape
"my room" d and i said at the same time (again) staring at him (still) because he's good looking
"hmm..he can sleep on the top bunk of my bed" i said while grinning
"yeah, and he'll end up beside you in the morning!" d yelled because the bunk bed is busted.
"yeah, that's my point" i said as i slapped her upside the head
"i see.." she said as she rubbed her head,
"I'VE GOT IT!" i yelled as i stood up and pointed at the roof "Um right, wellllll we can sleep in
A TENT! OUTSIDE!"
"...." snake wasn't very suprized, knowing my stupidness,
"WHAT A GOOD IDEA!" d screamed and then we discussed it for a few more minutes, then we decided
to raid the fridge again, we grabbed a bunch of junk and started chowing down, on the stuff from
the store and stuff from the fridge, that's when snakes Codec went off again, it was Otacon,
"OTACON!" snake yelled
"snake! good news! i was leaving the island because i realized you weren't coming back, i had got this underwater ship thingy or something, and i was about to get in it when i looked back to remember the memories of us in that horrible place, when it all exploded! ITS ALRIGHT SNAKE! YOU'RE NOT NEEDED BACK IN ALASKA! THE WORLDS SAVED!" Otacon screeched for joy
"OH MY GOD!" snake yelled "I'M NEEDED THAT MUCH!?! YOU NEED ME RIGHT NOW?! ILL HAVE TO COME BACK TO ALASKA RIGHT AWAY!" Snake yelled trying to convince us that Otacon was calling him to tell him
he was needed, Otacon was confused so he went away, "okay, i need to go back to Alaska," snake
told us,
"..no" d and i said at the same time while staring at him because he's good looking (sounds kind
of familiar, no?) snake sat back down took off his bandana, put his head on his hand and tapped
the table, a few hours passed, snake acted like he was having a good time, eating and such, then
it was like 1 in the morning so we decided to build the tent, so we could go to sleep, well, we
went in the front yard and had no clue on how to make it,
"we could just use ski poles and a sheet and screw drivers as pegs like we did that time" d said
"FOR OUR SPECIAL GUEST?!?! I DON'T THINK SO!!" i yelled, so about an hour passed of us thinking
of a better way to make a tent, "I'VE GOT IT!" i said and i smashed my hands together,
"WHAT? COME ON TELL TELL!!" d and snake said excitedly
"....we do what d said.." i said slowly, so after finding ski poles from the depths of our garage
we shoved them in the ground and got one of my brothers good hockey sticks, and put it through
the straps by the handles so it would hold the sheet up, then we put the sheet over it and grabbed a bunch of
screw drivers and pushed them into the ground making holes in the sheet to hold it there, so it then resembled
a triangular prism then we got some clothes pins and two more sheets, we pinned them to the triangular sides
so they would be the doors. Our tent was successful.
"Our Tent" D wrote on the side of it in marker.
"its a pretty good tent considering the circumstances" i said trying to look smart, which i did
not. snake went in the tent and closed the doors,
"hey what about us?" i said,
"my master always says "change your underwear frequently" so im changing my underwear SO DON'T
COME IN!" he yelled out at us. (download the masters underwear advice)
"..ok" d and i said at the same time while wanting to stare at him because he's good looking.
he came out a few minutes later
"im gonna go get my bandana, as my master says "70% of your body heat is lost through your head,
you should wear some kind of hat." and a bandana is better than nothing." (download the masters hat advice)
snake said as he walked into the house IN HIS UNDERWEAR might i add. me and d were a little confused
because it was hot out and you wouldn't need a hat, so then d went in the tent and noticed snakes pants and
boots and such, and since she was wearing his other clothes, she decided to put them on underneath,
so she took off his clothes she was wearing and put the ones that he was wearing on, then she put
the other clothes back on over top, then she laid there, hardly moving, when snake got back, he
went in the tent,
"WHERE'S MY CLOTHES?!" snake yelled
"sleep like that" d said as she attempted to roll over but she failed because it was so hard to
move
"but but but....ok ok fine" he said as he closed his eyes and that's when i got seemingly closer
to him it was around 2:30 am now, we were all pretending to be asleep, although nobody
knew it, that's when snake slowly got up and started toward the exit of the tent, he stubbed his
toe on the ski pole
"ow!" he whispered as he grabbed his toe and hopped in one spot attempting to open the door, he
slowly let out a relieved sigh when we didn't wake up, or so it seemed, since we were already awake, well
then he slowly snuck out and started running towards the end of the street, he was still in his
undies, so i got up and d also did, she got up slower since she had all the gear on, i started
chasing him, i was catching up, but d was still at the end of our lawn when
"uh oh, i think i heard a toilet flush...maybe somebody lost a turtle..AHHHRRURHGGGH" d seemed
to gurgle as she fell down and rolled about because all the gear was really heavy and such, well
i had almost caught up to snake
"COME BACK HERE YOU! YOU SEXY THING YOU!" i accidentally yelled at him, but i didn't stop to think
about what i said, i just kept running and then, i grabbed his arm and started pulling him back
to the yard, i finally got him there, i decided not to take any chances, so i went in the garage
and grabbed a chain, it was a fairly big chain, so i tied it around snakes neck, loosely, but not
loose enough to get it off without making alot of noise. so i shoved snake in the tent and took
the other end of the chain and tied it to the fence, now he was chained to the fence, now he
wouldn't be able to escape, and we'd have snake....forever::echoes::...

To Be Continued...