KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

A good looking chick walked into an orchard and found a lovely pool in it, and decided to swim. She looked around, didn't see anyone, and undressed.
Just as she was about to dive in, the watchman appeared from behind the bush where he was hiding all along and told her that swimming was prohibited.
-"You could have told me that before I undressed!" she scoulded him.
-"Hey! Only swimming is prohibited, undressing isn't" he replied.

A young french girl was visiting New York when her cash funds run dry and her visa expired. She met a sailor who agreed to stow her aboard his ship that was about to sail. Every day he would bring her food and drink and in return all she had to do was give him a bit of love, lacking much choice the girl agreed.
And so everyday the sailor brought some food and would get some loving in return. This went on for several weeks until the captain saw the sailor sneaking around with a tray of food and the whole affair was uncovered. The captain felt obliged to apologize to the girl:
"I'm very sorry about all that has happened to you, but you have to admit the sailor is smart. Do you know you're on the Staten Island Ferry?"

Q: How do you tell the age of a dead baby?
A: Cut off its head and count the rings.

Q. What's six foot long, grey and floats in the ocean?
A. Moby's dick

Q. What's the greatest drawback of the jungle?
A. An elephant's foreskin.

On the wall of a church was a sign,
"If you are tired of sin, come to see us!"
And right below it in nice rounded letters;
"But if you're not, my phone number is 341 3451"

- Hello!
- Yes, who is this?
- I'm Watt.
- What's your name?
- Watt's my name.
- Yes, what's your name?
- My name is John Watt.
- John what?
- Yes, are you Jones?
- No, I'm Knott.
- Will you tell me your name then?
- Will Knott.
- Why not?
- My name is Knott.
- Not what?
- Not Watt, I'm Knott.
- What?
- Shut up!

Ever wondered if your parking ticket would be blown away by the wind, or that it would be placed without regard to aesthetics on your windscreen wiper ? If so, this is the device for you. An all plastic parking ticket holder, which fits snugly on your windscreen is available for 9.95$. A wide range of colors to suit your car. You will never miss a ticket again.

A biology graduate student went to Borneo to take some samples for his thesis work. He flew there, found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. About noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. Being a city boy by nature, the biologist was disturbed by this. He asked the guide, "What are those drums" The guide turned to him and said "Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop."

Well the biologist settled down a little at this, and things went reasonably well for about two weeks. Then, just as they were packing up the camp to leave, the drums suddenly stopped! This hit the biologist like a ton of bricks (to coin a phrase), and he yelled at the guide

"The Drums have stopped, What happens now?"

The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said

"Bass Solo"

A man approaches his best friend's wife one day when her husband is at the office. "Will you have sex with me?" he asks.
"No. My husband wouldn't approve."
"O.K. What if I give you $1000?"
"Well, for a $1000 I think I will. Come back tomorrow afternoon when my husband is at work."

So the man shows up next day and slaps $1000 on the table and they do whatever it was they did(!!!). In the evening her husband comes home a little distraught:
"Was my best friend here today?"
"Y-y-yes." his wife says with concern.
"And did he leave $1000?"
"Y-y-yes." she says expecting the worst.

"Oh good, what a great pal he is. He came in this morning and asked if he could borrow $1000 from me and promised to return it this afternoon!"

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheelin' and dealin' they settled for $10000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

A company in the Foreign Legion had spend three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them all about it. After a week the private comes back all happy and relaxed. The whole company crowds around him waiting to hear of his great escapades.
"And on the third day..." he began,
"No! no! start with the first day." everyone yells out in chorus.
"And on the third day, " the private continues " she asked me to stop so she could go to the bathroom..."

There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel and offered hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner. After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him and reminded him he was a holy man.
"It's o.k.," he replied, "it's written in the Bible."
So after a wild night of you-know-what the hat check girl asked to see where in the Bible it says it's okay.
The priest picks up the Bible off the dresser opens to the first page where someone wrote in pencil - "The hat check girl puts out!"