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This room is just for pure "silliness!
Why is it that.......
*... we drive on 'parkways' and park on 'driveways'?
* ..."phonetic" isn't spelled the way it sounds?
*...there are 'interstate highways' in Hawaii?
*...they put braille dots on the keypad at drive-up ATM's?
*...when you're driving and looking for an address,
you turn down the volume on the radio?
(Don't you ever wonder about stuff like that???)
MOMS PRAYER
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind.
I pray I find a little quiet
Far from the daily family riot...
May I lie back--not have to think
about what they're stuffing down the sink,
...Or who they're with, or where they're at
and what they're doing to the cat.
I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)
To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no... another goldfish dead!!)
Some silent moments, for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)
And that I need not cook or clean...
(well heck, I've got the right to dream)
Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know--
I must have lost them long ago
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
Dam!
What do prisoner use to call each other?
Cell phones.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours"
Nacho Cheese. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk! Why are so many "Smith's" in the phone book?
They all have phones!
"He was only a Chocolate Chip Cookie,
but I loved him..."
I met him at a party. There he was at the end of the buffet... a loner, the last one on the plate. He had a certain something... a sweetness, a sensuality. He was one hot cookie.I felt as if I'd always known him, always hungered for him. When he looked at me with those warm brown eyes, I melted. Before I knew it, I had my hands on him, my mouth on him...and in public! After that night, we were inseparable. With him, I could be myself. He didn't seem to care what mood I was in, how I looked, or even if I gained weight. Together, we had the recipe for happiness. No one satisfied me like Chip! Then things changed. My friends said he was no good for me. He started to give me heartburn. I felt crummy, but I knew then it had to end. Now we've gone our separate ways. I hardly think of him anymore. Oh, If I see a certain TV Commercial, a particular magazine ad, a coupon for 10 cents off... that old longing returns. And when we run into each other in the supermarket, we nod. We're friendly. But it's over.
"My Get Up and Go Has Got Up and Went"
How do I know that my youth is all spent?
My get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went!
But in spite of it all I am able to grin
When I think of where my get-up has been!
Old age is golden, so I have heard said,
Yet I sometimes wonder when I get out of bed...
with my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup,
my eyes on the table until I wake up.
As sleep dims my eyes, I say to myself...
"Is there anything else I should leave on the shelf?"
But I'm happy to say as I close my door,
My friends are the same - perhaps even more.
When I was young, my slippers were red,
I would kick my heels right over my head!
As I grew older, my slippers were blue...
Still, I could dance the whole evening through.
Now I am older, my slippers are black...
I walk to the store and puff my way back!
The reason I know my youth is all spent...
My get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went!
But I really don't mind, I think with a grin
Of all the grand places my get-up has been!
Since I have retired from life's competition
I busy myself with life's repetition.
I get up each morning and dust off my wits...
Pick up the paper and read the "Obits".
If my name is missing, I know I'm not dead
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
(author unknown)
"Face in the Mirror"
The face in the mirror isn't wrinkled or drawn...
The house isn't dirty, the cobwebs are gone!
My garden looks lovely, and so does the lawn...
I think I might never put my glasses back on!
Grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change things I cannot accept,
And the wisdom
To hide the bodies of those people
I had to wipe out today because they
ticked me off.
And also,
Help me to be careful
Of the toes I step on today as they
May be connected to the butt
That I might have to kiss tomorrow.
Always give 100% at work.......
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Friday
And remember .......
When you're having a really bad day and it seems like
people are trying to tick you off, remember it takes 42
muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your middle finger.
Now get back to work....
�Koi Collins
"What's Your Sign......??"
* On Electrician's Truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
* Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best Place In Town To Take A Leak."
* In a non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking, we'll
assume you're on fire and take the appropriate action!"
* On a Maternity Room Door: "Push - Push - Push!"
* On a Front Door: "Everyone here is a vegetarian ~ except the dog!"
* In an Optomestrist's Office: "If you don't see what you want -
you're in the right place!"
* In a Podiatrist's Window: "Time wounds all heels."
* On a Scientist's Door: "Gone Fission"
* On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."
*In a Restaurant Window: "Don't stand out there and be hungry,
come in and get fed up!"
* In a Bakery Window: "Get your buns in here!"
* Outside a Hotel: "Help Wanted - We need Inn-experienced people."
* Sign on a Garbage Truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got."
* Electric Company: "We'll be delighted if you pay your bill, and if you don't - you will be!"
* At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet
is to miss a car payment."
* In a Butcher Shop Window: "Let us meat your needs."
* Used Car Lot: "Second Hand Cars in First Crash Condition!"
* Veterinarian's Waiting Room: "Be With You Shortly.... Sit, Stay!"
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