On a Sear's Hairdryer
"Do not use while sleeping"

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside"

(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap"

(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost"

(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
"Do not turn upside down."

(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating"

(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body. "

(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
"Do not drive car or operate machinery"

(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
"Warning: may cause drowsiness."

(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
"Warning: keep out of children"

(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only"

(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use"

(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts"

(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: open packet, eat nuts"

(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands"

(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly"

(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood) belief.