SOMETHING TO LAUGH AT

This section is intended to provide a humorous tangent to the serious Zelda site. You will find much satire and comedy on this page. Be warned, if you find it offensive TOO BAD!

JEOPARDY! HYRULE TOURNAMENT OF SAGES

FINAL JEOPARDY

The Picture Below is submitted for your approval, by Video Gamer X. It's an Impa "Butt Cam" pic. You can definately get a good look at Impa's posterior in this most revealing image. I bet the programmers had been locked away a little TOO long in their cubicles when they made this cinema. Look at the wide-eyed expression on Link's Face. Just what is he staring at anyway?

YOU KNOW YOU"VE PLAYED TOO MUCH ZELDA WHEN...

• You're room is littered with a one foot deep layer of pizza boxes and coke/beer cans.
• You're neigbors call the police because they think you have died.
• You are fired from your job due to excessive abscense.
• In your science class you grab one of those meter sticks and re-enact Link pulling the master sword out of the pedistal, pick up your textbook, pretend it's a shield, and threaten the teacher that if he/she doesn't release Zelda, they will be destroyed by the Master Sword.
• You leave your house and cannot see for an hour.
• You need a thumb transplant.
• Your pet dies.
• You notice that your clothes smell like a locker room on a bad day.
• All the letters in your alphabits cereal spell ZELDA.
• The only color in your wardrobe is green, red, and blue.
• You walk around the neighborhood picking up boulders looking for secret grottos.
• You go to the local cemetary and push over all the gravestones looking for Dampe's Ghost.
• You hum the Hyrule Overworld Theme every waking hour.
• A message appears on the TV that says "Do you have a life?"
• You actually believe every single one of those ludicrous Triforce rumors.
• The Electric Company turns off your electric (from non-payment, played Zelda so long) and you hook your N64 and TV to a generator.
• You constantly walk around with a magnafying glass in front of your face because you think it will reveal an invisible treasure chest.
• You robbed a Toys R' Us truck en route to a store on Nov 21, just to get a Zelda 64 before anyone else.
• You make a pair of Iron Boots, put on some blue clothes and sink yourself to the bottom of a deep lake because you swore there was a Heart Container Piece down there.
• You go outside and put all the bugs you find in bottles.
• When the clerk in a store asks if you are paying by cash, check, or charge you say "Rupees."
• You have an N64 up on blocks. (Don't ask me why I put this here - I figured it kind of goes)
• When your mom tells you to go to bed, you say "But I've only been playing for 3 weeks!"
• There's an butt-shaped imprint on your chair.
• People use you to hang their clothes on.
• You call your girlfriend Zelda, and when she questions you about it, you say Ganon has her under his evil spell.
• You talk to a tree and wait for it's mouth to open so you can find the dungeon inside.
• On an application where it says Race/Ethnic Origin you put Hylian.
• You continuously talk to funny looking rocks thinking they are Gorons and call them "Brother"
• You keep the Gold Version of Zelda 64 in a safe-deposit box at the bank.
• You actually eat, sleep on, and (heh...heh...) Zelda.
• When someone sits next to you on a park bench you say, "Lafe is like a Bombchoo Bowlin' Game', you jus' neaver know what yure gonna to git."
• You build an elaborate colonaded shrine and put your Zelda cartridge on the alter.
• You take apart the cartridge because you know for a fact that the Triforce is in there, and Nintendo has to be hiding it somewhere.
• All the months on your calendar are marked with two words in Big letters, "PLAY ZELDA."

Did you know you can actually get a Tyrannosaurus Rex in Zelda 64! And ride him too! It's true, my second cousin's friends' roomate works for a guy who knows someone who works for Nintendo. I have the proof right here sitting in front of my face in BIG - FAT - PRINT. Hell, if my second cousin's friends' roomate who works for a guy who knows someone at Nintendo finds out about this there could be bigtime trouble, so you just keep it a secret between you an me okay. Well here it goes.

You must have all 100 Gold Skulltulas and 20 Heart Containers to do this trick. You must have already beat ganon six times, and played the scarecrow's song in front of Darunia as kid link.

Step 1: You must make all the Gossip Stones (Except the ones in front of hte Temple of TIme of course) turn blue by first putting a bomb in front of them and then hitting them when they turn blue before they blast off. If you mess up you will have to start over. Make sure to keep track of the stones you turned blue.

Step 2: I will only tell you step two after 1 month, 2 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 44 minutes, and 11 seconds from the time this is written, but I won't tell you if you Spam me or call me a liar, got that. That mean you!

Step 3: You know those stones that say that Ganondorf Rides a Black Gerudo Stallion, well this is clue, you have turn Epona black. To do this you must travel back in time and go to lon lon ranch. If you bash into the tree by the house and walk around it in a circle 9 times you will hear that "You found something sound." Now talk to Ingo and he will say he will sell you a very special bean called the "Black Bean" for 500 rupees. Buy the bean from him, it will replace the magic beans, so be sure to use all those up first. Now find epona and play epona's song. Take out the bean by her, and with C show it to her. She will neigh 3 times. You must give her the bean after the first three neighs or it's all over, Epona dies and you will have to start the whole process over. If done right Epona will turn black, and Malon will teach you the Incantation of Sages.

Step 4: Go back to the future and call epona, she will still be black. Now Play the Incantation of Sages in front of her and she will neigh 6 times. Ride Epona into Gerudo and play the Incanctation of Sages in front of the Running Man. He will give you the Bunny Hood and challenge you to a "Fair Race" as he calls it. If you beat him in under two minutes, he will be angry and give you a mask called the "Lizard Mask." and ask for the "Bunny Hood" back.

Step 5: Find any Lizilfos and fight it with the Lizard mask on. When defeated he will teach you the Chrciendo of Lost Worlds. Left c, Left C, up C, down C, A, down C.

Step 6: Now go to the Temple of Time and Stand on the Shadow Medalion near the Master Sword Pedistal. Play the Chrciendo of Lost Worlds 7 times and the Owl will appear in the window blocking the light. The Owl will tell you how Hyrule used to be ruled by great lizards, and if any man could harness the power of these lizards he would rule Hyrule for a milenia. But he said these Lizards were killed when a giant "Sun From the Sky" fell on them and killed them.

Step 7: Now after talking to the owl play the sun's song, and then get Navi Stuck at the Medallion ALter. Now Play the Chrciendo of Lost Worlds one more time in front of the master sword. A bright light will appear, the blue teleportation beam will appear, and a Tyrannosaurus Rex will appear on top the triforce. The Dino will start chasing you into Hyrule Field, you must call Epona and feed her to it in order to ride the T-Rex.

Trust me this code works, I don't care what anyone says, and I have the screenshots to prove it. Just you try to say I'm lying. THere can be no doubt, and I want to be famous. Oh and I don't have a girlfriend (Yet?)

Video Gamer X says: Well, its all summed up here! What can I say all the speculaton is over. The T-Rex is definely in Zelda 64!

One day link walked up to the Owl and asked, "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop." And the Owl replied, "Click Here for Answer."

BILL CLINTON TAKES OVER HYRULE

Yes the president of the United States appeared for a day in Hyrule. He wanted to thank Link for getting rid of that menace to world peace, Saddamdorf, and bringing tranquiltiy back to the people. The King of Hyrule even turned the Triforce upside-down in honor of the president's arrival. (see screenshot) When Hilary wasn't looking he was caught winking at the princess Zelda herself! A member at the reception overheard this statement, "I could give you a tour of the Oval Office - if - you - know - what - I - mean sweetie. (wink wink, nudge nudge)" We don't know if the Princess took him up on his offer, but sources tell us that there was a man watching the president very closely, some said his name was Starr. Link shook Mr. Clinton's hand and gave him a wet willie afterwords as a token of good gesture. Neither one of them inhaled...we think.

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