SOMETHING TO LAUGH AT 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 . 3 and 1/3:
CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH EDITION

Just when you thought you could escape from the wrath of this section, it has resurfaced like that immortal dog pee stain on your living room carpet. Woo hoo, another fun filled installment of "Something to Laugh At" for your reading (or puking) pleasure. If you are offended by this then you probably watch Big Comfy Couch and PAXTV. Get the f**k off my website! Yeah, that means you, pansy, get off! The only reason I blocked out the letters in the word fuck was because People like you have a little hissy everytime someone says fuck. Just take your little "Nutscrape" or "Anal Explorer" and press the fat arrow that says "back." The rest of you who have the balls to stay are in for a fun filled thrill ride of epic proportions. Remember, it's only pixels on your monitor screen, and no number 0's, or 1's were hurt in the production of this masterpiece.



NINTENDO DEATHMATCH: MARIO VS. LINK
Announcer #1: "My oh, my, oh my, we have a title bout scheduled tonight between two characters that have been wanting to get at each other's throats since day one. Here we are ringside for the clash of the titans. In the left corner, we have the Plumber from Brooklin New York, named Mario, who has starred in such games as Super Mario Brothers, Dr. Mario, and Yoshi's Cookie.
Announcer #2: "Good God Phil, look at the size of the gut on "fat bastard." He has so much blubber he makes Free Willy look like an Ethiopian!"
Announcer #1: "You know why you don't see Luigi around anymore right, well Mario got hungry one day and ate him. "
Announcer #2: *laughs* "and then he wanted seconds so he ate yoshi meatballs too on a bed of linguini!"
Announcer #1 and #2: *Laughs out loud."
Announcer #1: "And who the hell is that in the other corner warming up? Leonardo DeCaprio in stockings and a Green skirt?""
Announcer #2: "No, Phil that's Link, Mario's arch nemesis."
Announcer #1: "Is it St. Patty's day? He's all in freaking green! He looks like an a jolly leprichan." *stands up and begins screaming* "HEY YOU WHICH WAY TO THE POT OF GOLD YOU FREAK. FROSTED LUCKY CHARMS THEY'RE MAGICALLY DELICIOUS! "
Announcer #2: "Ah, shaddup!"
Announcer #1: "Shut your hole."
Announcer #2: Link appeared in such video games as "The Legend of Zelda" where he saves a girl from a big pig and she never thanks him or gives him some time in the sack.
Announcer #1: "Poor dumb bastard."

[We go down to the Ring]

Link is sharpening his Master Sword in the corner while Mario is eating a bowl of pasta in the other. Peach: "Mario, if you win I will bake you a cake!"
Mario: Mama Mia! Dat be REAL GOODIN' like."

Zelda: "Link you must defeat him. If you win I might show you my boob!"
Link: "For thy showing of thee flesh to I tis more reward than I shalt ever coveth."

The fighters stand up, and walk to the center of the ring. The crowd cheers.

Ref Mills Lane: "All right boys I want a good clean fight. Since they're are no rules, I guess anything goes, so hitting below the belt is permitted. I don't want to see any holds barred. Okay, when the bell rings, that means go." When I say Let's get it on, it's time to get it on!

Mario: Mama Mia!
Link: Thou shalt die! Ja!

Ref Mills Lane: Let's get it on!

*BELL RINGS* -DINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG!-

Announcer #1: "I wonder who is going to strike first?"

Link: "Tis thou, forth with, I hath been plaged by thee. Thy incessant eating. Tis thee art gluttonous. Tis thee that hath appeared in more games than thineself. I shallent hesitate to plunge the Master Sword abreast your sinews!"
Mario: "Yo, did you say PLUNGE!" *Whips out a Plunger from his butcrack*

Announcer #2: Where did he have that hiding!
Announcer #1: It's like the grand canyon back there!

Mario: "Yo Link, you ain't gots the cojones to takes me on, ay. Yo Guido look at da gibroni!"

Link runs up to Mario and lunges the master sword into him. The Master Sword vanishes beneath the rolls in Mario's stomach with Link's arm caught inside.

Mario: "Hey yo, dat tickles!"

Announcer #2: Did you see that! Mario absorbed Link's Master Sword into his fat!
Announcer #1: The Michellin Man is in da house!

Mario: "I thinks yo drains might be clogged!"

Mario rams the plunger around Link's face and starts plunging, and plunging, and plunging. Link struggles, but alas his hand is wedged within the gelanous folds of Mario's bloated body. Link's eyes turn bloodshot, and he manages to struggle loose, with the plunger still stuck on his face. He rips the plunger off his face to reveal that his lungs and stomach are hanging out of his mouth. He quickly shoves his organs back down his throat and tosses the plunger aside.

Link: *gurgle* "Thee hath made me AN-GER-Y! *gurgle* I shant alloweth an imbecile like theeself defeat the Legendary Hero!"
Link takes out the Bow and sets an arrow and fires at Mario's head. The arrow lodges itself in Mario's eye. Blood squirts everywhere.

Mario: "Ah, ya baststad! Mama Mia, I got a splitting headache. "

Announcer #1: "You know Dan, he's probably going to be feeling that tomorrow."
Just then Navi flies in.
Navi: "Link! Listen! Use Z to targe----muumpft mummmumpft mumft" *CHOMP!* Just then Mario Eats Navi and belches.

Mario: "Get a load a dem apples, da cockroaches in dis building is oomongus!"

Link takes out the Megaton hammer. "Thou shalt pay for thy transgression against fair and free Navi. Tis thee hath committed crime unspeakable! Take THIS!" Link swings the hammer and smashes it on top of Mario's head with the arrow sticking out of it squishing it flat like a pancake.

Mario: "So youze wants to play 'ammas ay? I gots ya 'amma right che'ah! I'll put a beatin on ya like I did wit dat friggin' monkey!" Mario takes out a big wooden mallet and clobbers Link about the knees with it. Link's right leg dislocates and collapses beneath him. "I gots sometin I bin savin' for ya!" While LInk is on the ground Mario plants his smelly stinky ass (_|_) in Link's face. He lets loose a massive fart that reverberates thoughout the stadium. A putrid green smoke fills the air.
Mario: "Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Dat felt real goooooooood!"

Announcer #1: "DID YOU SEE THAT! He gave him the stink face! Awe yuck, what a stench!"
Announcer #2: *pukes on the microphone* X_X

Link staggers around a on the verge of passing out his compound fractured leg spewing blood all over the ring. He is about to keel over when suddenly Zelda contacts him telepathically! ~ Link, use the triforce... the triforce.... Link...Link...LINK! Hey LINK! Hey you dumbass! HEY Mr. Greenpants! Oh hell with it! .... ~ She picks up the Ocarina of Time and chucks it at him knocking him in the head. *CONK!* Link comes to. "Forsooth! I have befallen thy odius magick of thee vile demon."

Announcer #1: "The little green man is back in the game! ...Hey you okay over there Dan?"
Announcer #2: "uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....uh..."
Announcer #1: "Well it looks like he's down for the count folks, but let's get back to the match."

Mario: "Hey yo, ya friggin' pansy wimp, come get ya' beat down."
Link: "I shall vanquish thee!"

Mario: "I thinks I gonna smash ya like a koopa troopa!" Mario's head is flattened down, his eyes bloodshot disks, with his big nose and mustache pertruding from this grotesque mass of flesh. He Jumps up 10 times his hieght in the air to the astonishment of the audience. He attempts to land on top of Link. Link rolls out of the way just before the impact. Mario comes crashing to the ground with an incredible body slam. His blubber has more jiggles than Bill Cosby's favorite J-E-L-L-O. "Yo! Ya mudda was a five dolla' bitch!" he taunts.

Link: "Thy insolense hath bequeth upon I, the burden of thy death. Prepare to perish vile demon. My vindication from thee nemesis beith at hand!"

Mario: Mocking link he says: "Oh, looksie, I'm just shakin' in 'da feah."

While Mario was rubbing his rolls and drooling on himself, Link managed to place a bomb inside of a piece of meat. He remembered back to the time when he gave the Moblin the meat and he couldn't resist taking it. Perhaps his gluttonous opponent would fall for this trick as well. *CLOMP-THUDDDDDDDDDDD!*

While Link was concentrating on the bomb and the meat, Mario knocks him upside the head with a Raccoon Tail. He has donned a suit that looks like a Raccoon with his ample belly spilling forth from the suit. "I gots me a secret weapon, isa be mah Tanooki Suit! Ain't I a sexy bitch!"

Crowd: Crowd Boo's and jeers Mario's new even more groteque appearance. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "Fat ass!" "You have so many rolls you could put the Pillsbury doughboy out of business!" "Lard ass!"

Announcer #1: It doesn't look like the crowd likes Mario's new costume, in fact they find it revolting, wouldn't you agree, Johnny? Ahh, Dan... "
Announcer #2: Puuuuuahhhh %$&#$&*(#$(*&)#@+$*!^@!*#&%((% *splat* *splat*
Announcer #1: You just let it ALL out Dan. Back to the Ring!

Link is collapsed on the ground in a pool of blood, his leg broken and his face bruised with his jaw dislocated. Will it be the end for our hero! Will Link be able to save himself from being sat upon by the man with many stomachs? Tune in next week to an exciting episode of Celebrity Deathmatch: Nintendo Edition to find out.





































Just Kidding.

































































Or maybe I wasn't





































































Are you still scrolling?



















































Jackass!


















































Scrolling...Scrolling...Scrolling....








































































Keep them mice a scrollin...
























































Rawhyde...
































































SUCKER


































Okay, I SUPPOSE, I'll let you finish reading, so I'll save you from anymore of my pointless attempt at a dryly humorous interlude. It's not like you can't just click on the scroll bar and move it all the way to the bottom anyway right. Duh! and Duh! again. *hits himself* SHIT! *hits himself again* BiTcH! They say the Torret's Syndrome is only going to get worse. Perhaps I'm getting internet sickness and need to visit www.zipit.com, or www.youneedalife.com. or www.getoffthedamncomputerandgooutsideforachange.com



Link: "I shall deal with thee no further! Die vile demon! I know kung fu!"

Link takes out the hookshot and aims at the Turnbuckle reeling himself toward it in the blink of an eye, then in mid flight retracts the hookshot and fires it at the other turnbuckle and he flys across the ring again, and again, and again.

Added Camera Effect (Yeah, I know I stole it from the Matrix): We slow time down and spin the camera around 360 degrees zooming in on link, to show you Link's bug eyed mad-dog insane look on his face and then we capture the concussive circular force waves of the hookshot hurling though the air.

Link continues flying around the ring turnbuckle to turnbuckle, all this spinning is making Mario dizzy.

He spins around and keels over onto the mat with a thunderous collapse. Link flys toward Mario and issues him a double roundhouse to the head with the broken half of his leg flying from his body into the corner of the ring. He hobbles over to the corner hopping on one leg, and picks up his own leg. "Tis art beith hungry. Then here! EAT THIS!" and he shoves the bloody stump down Mario's mouth. Link picks takes out a bomb and shoves that down Mario's throat. "Tis thee want hot sauce with that!?" and he stands back, takes out a fire arrow, and fires it right at the unmissible target of Mario's bloated belly."
BOOM!


Mario's guts go flying everywhere on the audience. His famous red cap comes drifting down to the center of the ring, and then an eyeball plots down on top of it and rolls around a bit before coming to a stop.

Ref Mills Lane: "We Have a Winner!"

[Crowd Cheers]

Announcer #1: "What a competition! That was amazing! He put the smackdown on the portly pasta plumber! It looks like Nintendo will have to find another mascot." Announcer #2: "Thank God, I can breathe now that he has left the room.

Zelda: "LINK! I am VERY mad at you! Why you! YOU! My dress has blood on it now! No boob for you. Humph!"

Link: "Well Excuuuuuuse me princess!"

Announcer #2: Join us Next week as we watch two other Nintendo legends battle it out in the ring for the title of Celebrity Deathmatch Champion. We are putting the ever electrical Pikachu versus the Damsel of Droids, Samus Aran in what looks to be a very shocking experience!
Announcer #1: That looks to be a real heavyweight competition Dan.






Thanks's goes to the following sources for my inspiration to make this:
MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch
The Matrix
MAD Magazine
South Park
The Tom Green Show
The Legend of Zelda Cartoons
The Super Mario Brother's Super Show
Austin Powers and the Spy who Shagged Me
My Own Insanity





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