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If you introduce your wife as [email protected]
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
If Dilbert is your hero (or if you enjoy reading The TechSide)
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
If you window shop at Radio Shack
If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
If you thought the concoction ET used to phone home was stupid
If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance -as-is-
If you see a good design and still have to change it
If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
If you spend more on your home computer than your car
If you know what http:// stands for
If your lap-top computer costs more than your car
If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
If Operating Systems Were Beers...
DOS Beer -- requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
Windows 3.1 Beer -- The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
Windows 95 Beer -- The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer un til their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
Unix Beer -- Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years.
The number you have dialed is imaginary.
Please divide by 0 and try again. This is a recording
