Editor’s Note:
This
article came out a couple months after the newspaper that published it, The
Stamford Advocate, had released its annual list of the highest-paid city
workers. This list — which includes the school
painter who made $121,000 in 2006 — is always a shocker for the Stamford
residents who have to foot the bill for these salaries. And many of the
taxpayers question how it’s possible for these people to work the amounts
of overtime they’d
need to put in to be so handsomely compensated. However, the municipal unions’
gouging of citizenry is like the weather — everyone complains about it, but no
one does anything about it. I realize this article is probably of little
interest to anyone outside the southwestern Connecticut area, but, every now and
then, I feel like doing a local story.
Life in Fairfield County:
Traffic and Taxes
No matter how much Americans have, we always want more.
And nowhere is this attitude more prevalent than in lower Fairfield County.
Governor Rell and the Democrats in the State Senate want
Connecticut’s residents to have universal healthcare. Unfortunately, they have
no idea how to raise the $450 million/year this would cost. Some Democrats have
suggested a millionaire’s tax, but, here on the Yankee Riviera, that’d be as
popular as a surcharge on Botox. Besides, good Republican that she is, Governor
Rell has already pledged to veto any such measure.
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The governor’s also seeking large-scale increases in
education funding. Other than lifting the spending cap, that was imposed in 1992 to
facilitate the passage of the state income tax, there’s no way to pay for
that either.
If you’ve seen The Stamford Advocate
list of the highest-paid city workers, you might wonder if our schools
really need all that extra money: It might be more cost-effective to
encourage students to join a municipal union and live off the largesse of
the taxpayers. But that’s probably impractical and certainly cynical.
One way to free up some additional funds would be to
impose a spending cap on unionized workers’ wages, but that’ll happen
on the same day Joe Lieberman concedes that invading Iraq was a bad idea. |
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| Besides, taxpayers who object to police
officers’ quarter-million-dollar salaries and school painters with
six-figure incomes need to realize it’s good fiscal management to have
city workers put in that much overtime … even if it’s hard to see how
it’s possible to fit that many hours into a seven-day week. |
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This little drawing
was done by my wife.
Prior to running in the Stamford Advocate,
it
also appeared in the Norwalk Hour’s “Stamford Times” edition.
It drew
at least one angry letter from a union representative ...
but anytime you piss
off one of those guys,
you’ve done your job. |
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But before you get the idea that raising new revenue is
impossible, here’s a modest proposal for Stamford that doesn’t increase
taxes or antagonize any unions. It’s self-financing revenue enhancement that
only affects bad drivers, body shops and the slimy ambulance chasers who
advertise late at night on Channel 5. How about enforcing our traffic laws and
collecting some fines?
Ever tried driving down Summer Street at rush hour?
It’s more hazardous than the commute from Baghdad airport to the Green Zone.
How about hiding a few radars along the route and ticketing that yuppie lawyer
who changes lanes at 60 mph and rides up your tail in his Audi because he’s
rushing to file a malpractice suit against a cosmetic surgeon for performing
substandard liposuction?
The police could also conceal a few radar cars along the
Merritt Parkway, where law-abiding citizens who drive the speed limit get passed
like they’re going in reverse. Ever driven 55 mph in the right lane? The
stockbrokers who whiz by in their BMWs glare at you like you’re wearing white
after Labor Day.
What if we actually fined motorists who run red lights?
Many local drivers speed up at a yellow light and don’t stop unless it’s
been red for a really long time. These days, parents teaching their children to
drive need to stress that, if they don’t want to wind up the hood ornament on
a Cadillac Escalade, then they should make sure the light’s been green for at least
three seconds before they start across an intersection. (It’s easy to estimate
three seconds: That’s the time it takes three SUVs to cross the intersection
while running a red light.)
Cameras synched up with stoplights are probably
expensive. But mount one where Second Street runs into Bedford, and it’ll pay
for itself in a week.
And how about Stamford drivers’ disrespect for stop
signs? Ever since right-on-red went into effect, motorists have come to regard
stop signs as worn-out speed bumps. Whether making a right turn or going
straight, most drivers just slide on through, especially if they’re
simultaneously narrating their activities into their cell phones.
I’d like to see the $100 fine for cell phone use in a
moving car increased to $1,000 … and how about enforcing it? In fact, a law
that makes it a crime just to have a cell phone inside a car is okay by me.
I’m willing to relinquish a few Constitutional
protections against unreasonable search and seizure to designate Connecticut
license plates as probable cause for searching suspect vehicles. I’m probably
in a lot more danger from a soccer mom driving an eight-ton Hummer while
ordering her children’s Ritalin prescriptions over the phone than I am from a rabid
Shi’ite wielding a bag filled with anthrax.
Besides, such measures would provide gainful employment.
I’d love a job with the traffic court, handing out fines. And if Stamford’s
school carpenter can settle for $156,000/year, so can I. Just call me “the
hanging magistrate”— and throw me a little overtime.
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