beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
a day without sunshine is like, u know... night
above all else: sky
665:neighbour of the beast
I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!" - Homer Simpson
It's all coming back to me now", said the blind man as he peed into the wind.
5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.
And God said, "Let there be light", and there was light. And everyone said, "Hey, cool! Do You do parties?".
Absence makes the heart grow fungus.
A wolf in sheeps clothing needs professional help.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
Be alert - the world needs more lerts.
Bill & Hillary are on a sinking ship, who gets saved? The nation.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. 
DCLXVI - Roman numeral of the Beast
Do you sleep on your stomach? -no?- Can I?
For people who like peace and quiet - a phoneless cord.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
Here at First National, you're not just a number - you're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash, and another number.
I have spent most of my money on women and beer. The rest I just wasted...
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
- Douglas Adams
"Only two things are infinite. The universe, and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
"Sarcasam doesn't work well in text, does it?" - Faeroph
"Everytime you masturbate, God kills a kitten... PLEASE think of the kittens!" - TheSindrome
"You're the most annoying person in the world!"
"Thats not true. Have you met everyone in the world?" - Unknown
"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit." - W. Somerset Maugham 
"You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart." - Fred Allen
"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity." - Albert Einstein
"I am the emperor, and I want dumplings." - Ferdinand I - Emperor of Austria
Sheep don't fly so much as plummet.
Some people have a way with words, while others... erm... thingy.
Streakers beware: Your end is in sight!
The British have a reputation for keeping calm even when there is no crisis.
The early bird still has to eat worms.
There's no future in time travel.
Time flies when you're in a coma.
Those nicotine patches seem to work really well, but I heard it's kinda hard to keep em' lit.
Today's subliminal thought is:
Two people in every one is a schizophrenic.
We reserve the right to arm bears.
When all else fails, admit I'm right and kiss my ass.
When Mary had a little lamb, the doctor was suprised, but when Old MacDonald had a FARM, the doctor nearly had a heart attack!
Why be difficult? Put some effort in and be impossible.
You can't have everything... where would you put it?
You say tomato, I say ketchup.
You're just jealous because my cereal only talks to me.
A cpu does not have honour so there's no need to be chivalrous.
When playing a Console to PC conversion, which button qualifies as the START button?
Online RTS games are pretty much all the same. You build a base, deduce a brilliant strategy and start building forces to execute that strategy, only to be annihilated 10 minutes in the game by a rusher.
It doesn't matter who you are, where you come from and how good you are, lag makes all men equally pissed. 
Join the military. Meet interesting people. And kill them. 
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
You May Stop me.....!!BUT YOU CANT STOP US ALL!!...
Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF (or better yet, just avoid Fortran).
C program run. C program crash. C programmer cry.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
"#define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb)) - Shakespeare."
29A, the hexadecimal of the Beast.
A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
Computer possessed? Try DEVICE=C:\EXOR.SYS
Cause its a jungle out there
Another megabytes the dust.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Are w#e b.ug free yet?!@!
If only women came with pull-down menus and online help.
kill -9 irc
In /dev/null no one can hear you scream
Unable to join #real_life (You're banned)
USER ERROR: replace user and press any key to continue.
Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once...
Real programmers use: COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE
If God had intended Man to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports.
'Despite all my rage i'm still just a rat in a cage..'
WOMAN.ZIP: Great Shareware, but be careful of viruses...
WOMEN.ZIP: A great program, but it doesn't come with documentation...
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
Not for rent.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
[Unix] is not necessarily evil, like OS/2. - Peter Norton
User abort with 5 Ctrl-C's
Any program that runs right is obsolete.
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
Buy a Pentium II so you can reboot faster.
2 + 2 = 6 for extremely large values of 2.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
"My software never has bugs. It just develops random features."
Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
Who's Peer & why did he reset my connection?
Press CTRL + !@#$#@^#$&!@%& to continue ...
APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key.
shutdown -h now
E-mail returned to sender: insufficient voltage.
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Hit any user to continue.
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
Cannot join #real_life (invite only)
A)bort, R)etry, I)gnore, V)alium?
Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
Killed (ChanServ (You've been online too long))