About_me

Wow!

I didn�t think anybody would actually click on this page.

Well, where do I begin?

I was born in Panorama City, California on July 25th, 1969, the year of Hendrix and badass cars.

My mother and father split-up when I was 3, but it didn�t really affect my life the way they portray it in the movies. My father joined the LAPD and my mother became a travel agent. I went to a private elementary school that allowed me do schoolwork while occasionally roaming the world.

I�d like to give a quick synopsis of adventures before my 12th birthday:

I had wandered around the Parthenon and St. Peter�s Square in Rome and stood upon the Roman Colloseum, imagining the gladiator fights they had there 2000 years before.

I watched small flying fish and dolphins play in front of the bow of the ship while crossing the deep, blue Mediterranean Sea, where Odysseus lost his way.

I rode smelly camels in the hot Egyptian desert to the great Sphinx, whose nose was shot off by Napoleon, then explored the secret passages and crypts within the Pyramid of Cheops.

I crossed the heavily armed border between Israel and Egypt during the Mideast War.

We entered the supposed tomb of Jesus and walked on the spot were he was crucified.

Ornately robed priests baptized me in a ceremony within the legendary town of Nazareth.
Then I explored the dark and musty Catacombs of the Dead beneath Jerusalem.

I had rummaged around the fallen Walls of Jericho in Jordan collecting rocks and collected salt samples of the Dead Sea; near the place they found the ancient scrolls.

We explored Minoan ruins on the island of Crete and the coast of Turkey and viewed the majestic city of Athens on a beautiful day from atop the famous Acropolis.

I snorkeled among brightly colored fishes in the reef off the South Sea island of Morea.

While they filmed the movie, �Blue Lagoon� on a beach not too far from our bungalow,
I collected exotic shells from the white sands and warm waters of the Bora-Bora islands.

I chased off hundreds of little crabs in Tahiti, the main island of French Polynesia,
Swam the crystal clear waters of the English owned island of Fiji, near New Zealand
And was almost eaten by sharks in the ocean off Maui, Hawaii.
(And this is just a quick summary)

I am fascinated with ancient cultures and history. My favorite study is Greek mythology and the tales of Homer. I think the time that I spent in Rome and Greece created a sense of admiration for their cultures and architecture. Before I fell in love with the South Pacific, the city of Rome was my favorite place in the entire world. Everywhere you go in Rome, there are ancient ruins standing next to modern buildings. Roman society is heavily influenced by art and is reflected in everything you see over there.

If there was one place on Earth that one MUST go, it is definitely the stunning islands of French Polynesia in the south Pacific. Since it is still French, there is no dress code for the beaches. You can go nude, if you desire. And there are a bunch of pretty things that do! There is no place more beautiful than the islands of Bora-Bora in particular. Club Med all the way, baby!

I lived in Mission Hills, CA most of my pre adolescence and rode my bike every day with my best friend, George. I was a little larger than kids my own age, so I got into more fights throughout my childhood. I guess the small guy always has something to prove and searches for the biggest kid to start a fight with. I don�t like to back down much but found that it�s a lose/lose situation with these little shits. If I beat up a kid smaller than me, I am considered a bully. If I get beat up by a kid smaller than me, I am labeled a wuss. Even if I don�t start it and the other kid is 3 years older than me, I always got stuck holding the blame. So I found that if some little fucking runt wants to start something, quickly sock the shit out of his larger friend. That way there will be two against one and you will come out clean in the eyes of authority. Heh.

My room was covered in plastic green army men. I had tanks, choppers, jeeps and fortresses scattered all over the floor most of the time. My mother would have a fit because she could not walk in my room and then I would have a fit if she moved them. You see, they were strategically placed and could not move until their turn. I created games that involved military toys, rubber bands and a scorecard. This was before I knew about board games. I would fire rubber bands from different sides to take out the enemy. I would also keep track of each soldier and promote him according to the number of men I could knock over from his position. Needless to say, I wanted to be a General when I grew up. I loved strategy and tactics in games and learned to play chess when I was six. By the age of seven, I could beat most adults that made the mistake of challenging me. My grandfather always gave me a run for my money and we would play one game of chess for three hours straight. My mom would have to physically pull us from our chairs when dinner was ready, because we were concentrating too intently on the game.

I asked my mother to look into sending me to military school, but the cost was too much for her. I had a plan of joining the R.O.T.C. in high school and then possibly going to a command school through some program they might have. If I joined early and became an officer before enlisting, then I would be half way there even before I graduated. The military also pays for most of your college, so it was a good plan. But it never happened.

Anyway, when I was 10, my mother moved to Chicago, which was friggin cold and windy. I did not want to live in 10 below, so I stayed in Southern California with my father. I lived in Canoga Park on Chase Street, near where the Railroad tracks cross Roscoe Blvd. After a couple of years, I moved back in with my mother, who had agreed that Chicago sucks and had moved to Las Vegas. Now that place rocked!

In the summer of 1981, I became a desert rat. I met most of my best friends in the 8th grade and still keep in touch with them. I did miss my classmates from elementary school and thought of them often. I felt like I had developed a strong bond with the kids that I would see year after year.

Suddenly leaving them and possibly never being able to see them again made me think of them even more. What bothered me the most is that I didn�t get a chance to say goodbye to them. It seems like there is always more that you want to say after you realize it�s too late.

Vegas is Sin City. Everywhere you turn, life is moving 100 miles per hour and it�s just my speed! Sleep during the day and stay out all night. At the age of 14, I lived practically alone as my mother lived at her boyfriend�s place most of the time, which gave me more freedom than most other teenagers. I was pretty well behaved between 12 and 15, played Dungeons and Dragons till 5am and rode my bike all over the city. I looked into R.O.T.C, but the only programs available were for Navy and Marines. What the Hell? This was Las Vegas, home of the most advanced Air Force base in the world. It is a friggin desert! Why would they have a stupid Navy program in the desert? No Army. No Air Force, which I might have considered second just to fly those cool jets. And I am not going to join the friggin Marines. Fuck that. I will just think of something else to do with my life.

I collected comics throughout 7th and 8th grade and hung out at the local bookstore during the summer. Some of my favorites were X-Men, Daredevil (Frank Miller series), much of the independent label stuff like Twisted Tales and Alien Worlds, and of course Groo the Wanderer. I still have a few books in a box in the closet. I have Conan #1, signed X-men #94 and a few others that I will probably hand down to my kids. The art is truly amazing in some of those books and inspired me to create my own artwork. When I was 12, I would recreate poster size comic book covers to hang on the wall of the bookshops. I thought about becoming a comic book artist at one time, but with age comes change.

1984
By 15 years of age, I became captivated by the music of rock bands. Quiet Riot, Rush, Motley Crue, Kiss, Iron Maiden and even the group, Duran Duran, played a big part in my evolution from comic books and role-playing games to Wild Thing.

I had wanted to play the bass guitar since I was in the 7th grade. I was already learning the trumpet in school at that time and could read tab. �Since I was doing fine on brass�, there was no reason for the teacher to approve my request to transfer to strings. Bitch!

My first guitar was a Yamaha classical G55A. This thing sounded sweet. So sweet, that my buddy, Tony F., borrowed it to record a song on his debut album and then took forever to get it back to me. His band was called Apocrypha, and supposedly did well overseas. They were cool guys, but I lost contact with them after High school. Tony is currently in the band Third Eye Blind.

I lived many times over in the year of 1986, most likely the best year of my life, socially. Right now I would like to apologize to a few of those girls out there for a lot of good times that didn�t last forever. 1987 was a wild ride and wouldn�t change a thing. Everybody in the city was either high or on coke, but I didn�t get into hard drugs. After feeling the addiction of nicotine and knowing that I can be Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide with just cigarettes, I took everything else at a slow pace.

I wanna give a shout out to all my crew from Hell�s Hole. Whattup Shane S., Tony J., Chris P., Diana and Lisa V., Bren, Darren B., Stacy D., my oldest buddy Joe T., Ron B., Earl the wheels, Red Chuck, Mike W., Diana D., Jeff L., Leah F., John T., Nev, Jan, Mike and Rick R., Mike P., Tony and Chris F., Saint J., Lobster Mike, James M., Jimmy, Mike and Dean L., Craig and Lisa T., Mike E., and all the other good friends that I haven�t mentioned here, yet. I hope you guys are doing well and I will always keep you in my heart. No matter what.

I watched a lot of my friends develop a bad grass habit. I ended up smoking it once in a while, but stuck to vodka and rum most of the time. Pot affects different people in various ways. It gave me a bad lung infection and also made me nervous. I also noticed some people have less personality while they are straight. Sort of like the rush of getting high brings on an overload of personality and burns it all at once, leaving nothing for later. I guess that�s what they call �Burn-outs�. Some people don�t get bad effects at all and go on to get their Master�s degree in Physics. I dunno, it just wasn�t my style.

I dropped acid once and they say I never came down. I love to mess with people who are on acid. There is nothing funnier than someone�s eyes popping out of their head. Try talking backwards and moving in slow motion around them or turn off the lights and get a glow stick or light fireworks. If you plan ahead, paint stuff all over your walls with Woolite. You can�t see it in regular light, but when you turn on a black light everything appears to glow. Heh. You get the idea.

After class, I would cruise the Vegas strip with my buddies in my first set of wheels- a 1975 Chevy Monza with a 350 small block. That thing was fast!

My lifestyle at home was influenced by:
      A. The movie Animal House,
      B. All the Cheech and Chong flicks,
      C. Wild Heavy Metal bands like Kiss and Motley Crue,
      D. The notion that I probably would not live past the next day, anyway.

Teenagers really have no concept of life after 20.
Most people have parties at their house every weekend, but mine had them every day.
At 5pm, carloads of kids would show up at my house and then leave 5am the next day. Sometimes I would just go out with a few friends to look for something to do while there was a party raging back at my place. These were all good friends and didn�t let any of us get into bad shit, like needles and crack. They called us the WolfPack. And like a pack, we would watch out for each other, make sure our friendships could overcome anything and just survive our parents.

My style of music was too abstract to click with a rock band at that time. I loved to see bands play and went to all the concerts that I possibly could. Now I knew what I could be in Life. I was going to be a rock star, or at least I thought I was�

People living in Nevada see a great deal of weird stuff in the sky. I am not sure what the government has been researching at Groom Lake, but I have seen crazy lights. Almost anyone who lives in Vegas can say that they have seen lights hover, drop and fly out of sight within a few seconds. We used to go hiking around the desert and Lake Mead at night and see lots of unexplained weirdness. My friends and I were even hit by a tight beam of bright light while we were in the middle of the city. Now that�s balls! I could just picture someone sitting in the upper atmosphere and looking down the barrel of a ray gun at us, grinning and chuckling just before shooting this blinding light on our heads. What kind of jokester is that? That�s not very low profile, buddy.

I didn�t take High School seriously enough. Too much crazy shit going on. I needed to concentrate more on becoming a rock star. I started to develop ties into the Vegas music scene and knew just about every musician in the city at one point. Some of my friends were getting record deals and once I found the right band, I would be next. There was no way for me to afford college and my mother who had remarried was moving back to California. All the H.S. grads that I knew worked at McDonalds, so I took my GED and started working construction at the age of 17. Of course, I had worked as a pizza delivery guy and other odd jobs while in H.S., but now I needed to pay rent and earn my own living costs.

My taste in Music matured into harder stuff like Metallica, Priest and Slayer. The more difficult life gets, the more you want people to stay out of your way. And nothing says that more than when you blast Slayer tunes in heavy traffic.

I had read an interview with Steve Harris and Bruce Dickenson from the band, Iron Maiden. Bruce said they realized how much the song, �Powerslave�, related not only to the Pharoahs and their lust for power, but it related to the modern record industry as well. He said that at first, you are a slave to the power of music and then, if you�re not careful, you become a slave to the powers of selling records. The band took it as a kind of warning to themselves; no matter how successful the band became, not to let it drive them crazy. Sound advise for Metallica. Those guys should have changed their name when Cliff Burton was killed. Cliff is going to slap those guys silly when they finally get down there.

My favorite all around food is lasagna. I once went to dinner at a little restaurant near the L.V. Convention Center called, Chateau Vegas. This place was fancy, fancy. It had tall, rounded booths for privacy, a couple other customers in pinstriped suits talking quietly across the room, a guy plucking the Godfather theme on a harp and an Italian menu fit for a king. We had the amazing �7 course Roman Feast� with a liquor cart brought to our table for dessert. I never have ever had food so good. Ever.

In 1987, I went steady with one girl for over 6 months straight! Then we broke up.

Then I went out with another girl for almost two years! Then we broke up.

The desert gets HOT in the summer. I would visit Huntington Beach, CA every summer to escape the 120-degree heat and any serious relationships. Around June or July, I would fly out there, get a job, find a small apartment close to the beach and just chill out.

H.B. is Surf City, USA, man. Picture a California coast beach with laid back people and lots of sunshine, no L.A. smog or scumbags, tons of girls with the perfect tan and the best nightclubs in the country. I could come home from work, get a huge burrito from Wimpy�s, walk to the beach and join any number of people enjoying a bonfire and a beer. At night there were parties in the streets and musicians playing guitar on every corner downtown. Main Street was made up of head shops, surf shops and nightclubs. This was back in the 80�s.

Now it is a thriving tourist town. All the head shops were torn down and replaced with huge resorts. The new police force �discouraged� folks from playing instruments in public or having parties. Of course police don�t bother the Jesus freaks, which have replaced the musicians on every corner.

In 1991, I got married to a beautiful little elf named, Laura. We had our first child and named her, Ariel. I figured that I should concentrate on raising a child rather than following some stupid dream of being a professional musician. I also figured that Las Vegas was not the place to raise a family. We moved to California in 1992.

California. What a great place! If you drive one hour east, you will find yourself in the Mojave Desert, drive one hour north and you�re in the pine covered mountains, one hour south and you are in Mexico and one hour west is Catalina Island by boat.

During the move, I watched in horror as all the artwork that I had done throughout my entire lifetime flew out the back of my truck on interstate 5. Paper sure flies on the freeway during high winds. It broke my artistic spirit and I stopped drawing for a long period of time.

Some of my friends from Vegas found that they liked Huntington Beach, and moved out there, too. I found my old buddy, Dean, was already living in Hollywood and rekindled our friendship over the next few years. He had a daughter the same age as Ariel and was trying to work things out with his ex, Persia. She is on the show, Girlfriends and thrives in the Hollywood lifestyle. He is recording songs and possesses the ambition to make it in the industry someday.

Southern California has the best Deep-sea Fishing. My buddy, Alex, liked to go out for Mako. Tastes like swordfish. Hunting sharks can get dangerous if you let down your guard, but it�s a little more exciting than chasing tuna. We caught a hammerhead one magnificent day off of the Newport coast. When we entered the harbor, we found that it was only the second caught on record for those waters.

After a few quite years of family oriented life, I started to get into the party mode once again. More friends moved out to our little paradise and our weekends were booked solid through 1999. If there were no parties going on, we would head down to Mexico or maybe see a concert (like Limp Biscuit open for Primus at the Palladium) or go see Jimmy Buffet at Irvine Meadows. I never really got into Jimmy Buffet�s music much, but his pre-concert parking lot bash is fucking incredible! It�s like Spring break wherever he goes.

I found that even though hard rock was not mainstream music on MTV, Heavy Metal was alive and kickin� in CA. Iron Maiden rocked the Forum with Rob Halford and Queensryche opening the set. Ozzfest kicked ass with Slayer, Primus, Rob Zombie, System and Black Sabbath, to name a few. Whew! I know it will be the shit next year. People are getting sick of punk and pop is always going to be around as long as there are record execs (aka vampires).

I was disappointed in the turn of the millennium. I think we were ALL hoping the big corporations would eat shit or at least lose our credit card records.

Looking back, it seems like 80�s right-wing politics had oppressed the American public into hating each other. Somehow it created the need to fit into social clicks or �labeled� groups or even gangs just to protect ourselves against other groups who wanted to dominate people.

In the 90�s, politics shifted drastically. I don�t know if it was the fact that people saw a kind of goof ball President Clinton who they could relate to or what. He did resemble the typical guy, one that made the same mistakes anyone would make. I think people finally got tired of moral leaders and groups crucifying others for the sake of family values, the same leaders and groups who had no values in their own home (ref: Rev. Baker, Falwell, etc.).

Ever since George Washington lied his ass off during the revolution and told folks never to lie themselves, Politics have always been geared for the hypocrites. Even the democrat, Al Gore, was really no different than any GOP or Nazi for that matter. In the 1980�s, he and his wife, Tipper, spearheaded the campaign to hold rock bands criminally liable for music put on their albums. Furthermore, they wanted to ban all rock music that they personally found offensive. Since this is STILL AMERICA, bitch, the courts finally settled on only rating albums for content. I guess I am getting a little off track�
Lets hear more about me. Where was I?

Ah, the year 2000!
Things were looking good. I was running a company, lived in a big house, had my cool cat Tempest and my family was in good health. Lots of good friends came over and we jammed on guitar all the time. But all good things must come to an end.

By 2001, the company had to close due to situations beyond my control.
I had bought a townhouse that year, but got friggin shafted on the loan by my Real Estate agent/Loan Officer and so-called friend, Charles Crites (the Crook). Watch out for that prick.

Laura became pregnant, which is great because a really wanted a son before it was too late to have more kids. But the timing was really bad for us and she had to be placed on disability for most of her pregnancy. It was then that I realized how important it is to have a college degree when looking for a decent job. I had worked with computers for years, and could build a system blindfolded, but if I didn�t have a piece of paper saying that someone else had taught me, then there�s no way any company would hire me in that field. So I worked building boat docks throughout 2001 in the beautiful harbors of Newport, Huntington and Long Beach. I worked with great guys who made good money. We worked around million dollar yachts moored next to million dollar homes, with million dollar ladies sunbathing on the porch. Heh. (I hope Laura doesn�t read that part.)

She had my son, Jonathan Tiger Laws on October 8th, 2001. He is the cutest baby that I ever saw. I might have said the same thing when Ariel was born, but he will charm you faster than a puppy. He has a website, too. The name Tiger was kind of a joke that I made before I ever thought that I would have a son. Tiger Laws or Tiger C. Laws just sounded cool to me. So I mentioned that I would name my son Tiger. I wasn�t serious at the time, but the name seemed to grow on everybody. When he arrived everybody knew deep down inside, what his name was going to be. His first name is Jonathan because Laura likes the name Nathan and I don�t. I think the name Jonathan will provide enough diversity in his future. For example: Jon Tiger Laws, Jonathan Laws, Jon, Johnny Laws, J.T., Jack L., Tiger Laws, etc.

2002
We sold our townhouse and decided to get away from California for a while. We hired another goddamned leach for an agent to sell our place. I decided to take a quick vacation to Oregon and loved it. We traveled by RV up to Seaside, OR and hugged the coast all the way back through the Redwoods. The cost of living in Oregon is half that of California, so we decided to move there for a year or two. Call it an extended vacation. We will move back down to So Cal when the cost of living is not way overpriced and there have been enough decent earthquakes to make some folks want to move away. I figured a year or two in Oregon will not only be good for the kids, but will prevent me from choking the next money-sucking leach that I encounter. Yes I am a little sour.

But I am better, now. How refreshing it has been to meet people who are genuinely nice to each other. I do miss much of California and what it had to offer. All my good friends, rockin� radio stations and lots of things to do.

Up here, in the Pacific Northwest, thar is only a-hunting, a-fishing and a-whoopee to do, unless your car needs a tune-up. I have been anxious to go find Sasquatch in the hills east of me, but the rain this winter has prevented us from making the long hike in the sticks. I have been fascinated by the legend of Bigfoot since I was a kid. There have been a few reports around the area, so I will put together an expedition for June of 2003. Anyone who wishes to join me can contact me anytime. I love to hear stories or watch programs about the creature of the Northwest.

I also enjoy werewolf movies, too and any kind of monster movie where people get eaten. I don�t like watching the Jason type of horror flicks. They are usually stupid. If someone were coming after me with a machete, I would just shoot them or leave. Every American should own a gun, even if they never use it. I have one, but never use it. Thieves would think twice about robbing someone (or worse) if they knew there was a gun in the house. I know it would be more fun to beat a burglar to pulp with a baseball bat, but the idea of someone having a gun would deter predators. Guns don�t kill people; people kill people. They will always find a way, even without guns. Because people suck.

I would not want to leave you on a sour note. Currently I am taking courses at the community college in Astoria, OR and will be building up credits toward a Computer Science AA degree. Hopefully and with any luck, I will transfer down to USC or UCLA for the finale!

I will keep you up to date on my current activities on my news page and hope you have gotten to know me a little better today. Please go to my favorites or pictures pages to see a little more me.

The Long Version

About the D