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| More Gross Jokes |
The builder This man is driving down a winding country road when he sees a barn.But not just any barn,the most beautiful barn he'd ever seen.Beacause of that,he was compelled to stop and tell the farmer how nice it was.He gets out of his car,and walks up to the old,rickety house.A man in a straw hat and overalls opens the door and walks out just as he approaches the porch.The farmer asks if he could help the man.The man replies,"Well sir I just had to stop and tell you how nice of a barn that is.The farmer thanks him and says,"I built it with my own two hands.But do they call me a barn builder? NO!"The farmer continues,"Remember seeing a bridge a half mile back?"The man said,"yes,and as I recall,that was one hell of a bridge,too."The farmer again said"Thank you,I built it with my own two hands.But do they call me a bridge-builder?NO!"The farmer continues,"But you fuck one goat!" BUNDA a chinese, black, and a white guy get lost in the amazon forest. they are discovered by an great amazon tribe. the leader of the tribe says "you are walking on sacred land and now you have two choices either death or bunda". well the chinese guy doesnt want to die so he says "bunda". so a bunch of amazons take him and fuck him in the ass then let him go. then they ask the black guy. he doesnt want to die either so he says bunda. so they take him and fuck him in the ass too, then let him go. then they ask the white guy. he says "i would rather die then get bunda" so he says "death". then the leader says "death by bunda" I only have a dollar and im really horny this man walks into a whore house, go's up to the pimp and asks him what kind of pussy can I get for a dollar. the pimp replys you cant get any pussy for a dollar. the man tells the pimp "I only have a dollar and im really horny". the pimp says fine, you see that girl passed out over there on the pool table, you can have her for a dollar. the man says thanks and takes the girl in the back room. he comes out of the room about an hour later. and says to the pimp, hey while i was fucking that girl she started to foam at the mouth. the pimp replys thats fine ill take care of it, as the man is leaving he hears the pimp say, "hey Ed the dead girl is full go pump her out again". A sour wind This joke takes place back in the old south. A young couple were planning on getting married. There was a tradition that required the groom to have dinner with his fiance's parents before they were married. So, one night, he went over to her parents house. Her whole family was there: her parents, her grandparents, even the old family dog Rover. They were sitting around the dinner table, and about 15 minutes in, the guy had to fart. He thought to himself, oh man, I can't start off with a bad impression like this. So he tries to squeeeeeeeeze it out, and he does it. The fart drifts around the room for a bit, and old Grandma gets a whiff of it. She shouts, "Rover!", yelling at the dog who happened to be lying under his chair. The guy chuckles to himself because the dog got blamed for his fart. A few minutes later, he has to fart again. He's thinking, "Oh man, not again." He tries to squeeeeezze it out, and he manages again with no sound. It drifts around the room for a bit. Old Grandma gets a whiff of this fart too. She shouts, "Rover!", yelling at the dog again. The guy is about to laugh out loud. He can't beleive the dog got blamed two times for his farts. So finally, dinners over, and they're all sitting around chatting. The man has to fart again, but this time its a huge one. The guy can't beleive his bad luck. Three farts in one dinner! So, he tries to squeeeeeeze it out, but he has no luck this time. He rips one so loud it almost blows grandma off her rocker. Old grandma gets up, runs over, and kicks that old dog, and shouts "Rover, get out from under that man 'fore he shits on you!!! Guy In Mexico(funny shit) A Guy went to mexico and watched a bullfight. After watchin the guy kill the bull he goes to a restaurant across the street. He is watchin another guy eat some soup and he asks the waiter what it is. The waiter tells him its bull testicles. Cuz everytime the bull dies in the fight he is recycled for meat. And the testicles are the best tasting part. So the guy says "can i have one of that". The waiter answers "Sorry but there was only one bull today, tomorrow i can reserve some testicle soup for u" The guy says "Ok ill come back tomorrow" The next day he comes back for his soup and he eats it. He then remembers that the guy from the restaurant had bigger testicles in his soup. So he asks the waiter "Why is my soup testicles smaller than the guy's soup yesterday" Then the waiter answered "sometimes the bull wins" The penguin in the desert A penguin is driving through a hot desert when his car acts up. He pulls into a small town garage to get it checked. The garage owner says he'll have to take it inside and check the transmission so the penguin can wait in the air conditioned office. Even there the penguin is hot as hell. He sees an ice cream machine in the corner and gets a vanilla bar to cool down. With his short wings he can't eat it very well and gets ice cream all over his face. About then the garage guy steps in and says it looks like you blew a seal. The penguin yells no that's just ice cream. Tattoo A man walks into a tattoo parlour and asks for a hundred dollar bill tattoo on his dick. The tattoo artist says, "Okay, that's $1000." So as he's doing the tattoo, he says, "If you give me 3 reasons why you want this tattoo, it's free." So the guy says, "Okay. Number 1, I like to play with money. Number 2, I like to watch money grow. Number 3, if my wife wants to blow a hundred bucks, she can do it at home." BEEF STEW A guy takes out a girl known to be an easy lay. After an evening of dining and dancing, they end up in the back seat on the side of the road. The guy goes down on her, only to find a piece of carrot. He thinks, "is this chick strange, but at least its a piece of ass". So he goes back down and this time finds a piece of potatoe. Christ is this broad strange, but at least its a piece of ass. Licking her for the third time, he comes across a piece of roast beef. This blows his mind, he pokes his head up and says "are you sick"? The girl replies "no but the guy I was out with last night was". |
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