Disclaimer: Hexadecimal belongs to Mainframe Ent. User Guardian 1 is my ReBoot avatar, and Lotus is my benevolent chaotic virus avatar and is a cousin to Hex. Rab is Hex's boyfriend in my User Guardian 1 ReBoot fics. Wild Card is my (as User Guardian 1) fanfic husband.
(Hexadecimal is sitting at a computer, reading her e-mail as Jo Ann, Lotus, Rab, and Wild Card walk in.)
Hex (disgusted): SPAM!
Rab: What is it, Hex?
Hex: I just told you: SPAM!
Jo Ann: Yuck! I hate SPAM!
Wild Card: Yer not the only one, darlin'!
Lotus: MiSTy, MiSTy!
Rab: Pokemon? Where?
Hex: Not that Misty! She means "MiST", as in "Mystery Science Theater 3000".
Jo: Why not? SPAMS deserve to be MiSTed!
Hex: Okies!
(The five crowd around the terminal for some SPAM MiSTing.)
From: "Save Money"
Hex: "Save Money"? What an unusual name!
Rab: I'd call it "Stupid"...
bigcatlotto
Wild Card: A lottery for lions, tigers, cheetahs, and other big cats...
@reply.mb00.net
Hex (Eyes turning red, claws unsheathing, and screaming): MEGABYTEEEEEEEEE!
Lotus: He's not here, Hex. He's back at the Tor.
Hex (returning to "normal"): I know that, dear!
| Block Address
All: Yes...PLEASE!
| Add to Address Book
All: NO THANK YOU!
To: draka_dracula
Jo: They got your e-mail addy wrong, Hex!
Hex: And yet, I still recieved it.
Rab: Amazing!
@yahoo.com
Wild Card: YAAAHOOOO!
Jo: What?
Wild Card: It says, "yahoo".
Jo: I know.
Subject: Get a Low Interest
Lotus: We already have!
Jo: "Low Interest" in this SPAM, that is!
Loan or Mortgage!
All: Don't need it!
Date:
Rab: Already have one!
Wild Card: Married to mine!
Lotus: FAQ! I don't have one!
Hex: Don't worry dear; you will someday. In the meantime...
(Hex produces a bowl of fruit.)
Hex: Care for a date.
Mon, 08 Apr 2002 13:42:01 EDT
Rab: Uhh...
Hex: Never MiST the date. Besides, it's been done to death.
Rab: Okay...
Lendbetter -
Wild Card (As SPAMer): Bettin' on just how much money we'll be lendin' ya."
better by leaps and bounds
Hex: o/~Here comes Peter Cottentail, hoppin down the bunny trail...o/~
Lotus: o/~...Hippity hop and Easter's on its way...o/~
Mortgage Loan -
Rab: The Loan Ranger!
Wild Card: Rab, that's "The Lone Ranger"!
Rab: That's what I said: "The Loan Ranger"!
Apply Now!
Hex: "Apply Now"? Alright. Just let me get my paintbrushes. What color is it?
Jo: What color is what, Hex?
Hex: Now. What color is the "Now" that they want us to apply?
Jo: Looks black to me.
Hex: Okaies!
As Quick,
Lotus: Quickbooks.
Simple,
Jo: Simplicity Patterns: A.K.A., Sewing for Dummies.
Lotus: I thought that was McCalls...
and inexpensive as possible.
Rab: ::CHA-CHING!!::
Wild Card: Or is it, ::KHA-KHING!!::?
We have excellent programs for
Wild Card: They're holding programs captive? And as slaves? Let's go free them!
Jo: Err...Wild Card...Do you know where they are?
|
Wild Card: Uhh...no...
Jo: Then how will you find the programs?
Wild Card: Lucky guess?
- refinances
Hex: I'd rather refence. My garden needs a new one!
Lotus: Try a hedge fence. They're fun.
- second mortgages
Rab: And if you don't have a first mortgage?
- home equity loans
- home improvement loans
Rab: Ready? One...Two...Three...
All: IT'S TOOLTIME!
Wild Card: Or KEYTOOLTIME, if ya'd rather have that...
Jo: Our tribute to Jerry the Cow, ladies and gentleman!
Right now is the perfect time to
Hex: Bake some biscuits?
Everyone else: NO!
Hex: Oh, pooh!
refinance your mortgage.
Hex: Oh.
http://www.lendbetter.com/mortgage.asp?Advertiser=2
Rab: Now we know where to find those captive programs!
Jo: Why don't we just report it to Turbo?
Rab: Okay.
Copyright (c)2002 LendBetter.com. All rights reserved.
Lotus: They've copyrighted a SPAM?!?
Privacy Policy - http://www.lendbetter.com/privacy.asp
Lotus: They should have kept this thing "private" to begin with...
Terms of Agreement -http://www.lendbetter.com/terms.asp
Wild Card: An' watch tha reader come ta terms with tha "Terms of Agreement"...
(Note: Pattern of "less-than", "greater-than" signs. These do not show up well in my editor.)
Jo: "Net Native" patterns!
* To remove yourself from this mailing list, point your browser to:
Rab: Here, Browser! Nice Browser! See that SPAMer? Sic 'em, boy!
http://i.mb00.net/remove?bigcatlotto
Hex: Yes, please remove me from this list...or whatever it is...
* Enter your email address ([email protected] )
Wild Card (ala, Bela Lugosi): "I am...Dracula..."
in the field
Lotus: Where the daisywheels grow...
provided and click "Unsubscribe". The mailing list ID is "bigcatlotto".
Rab: Big cats who win get a lifetime supply of bigcat food.
OR...
All: "OR..."...
* Reply to this message with the word "remove" in the subject line.
Hex: You should tell us this before you decide to bore us with your SPAM!
This message was sent to address [email protected]
All: We know!
X-PMG-Recipient:
Hex: Only one X?
Rab: Uhh...Hex...
Wild Card: This is rated PG...
Hex: Oh, pooh!
Jo: Yeah...we've seen this already!
(Note: Another line of "less-than", "greater-than" signs.)
Lotus: The Net Native again...
pmguid:148.217j.4t7d7
Wild Card: Spamese?
Rab: "Spamese"?
Wild Card: See the Mighty Orbots Spam MiSTings for details...
Lotus: And that's all, folks!
(Everyone breathes a sigh of relief.)
WIld Card: May I have this, Hex, to give to Turbo? I need to report the capture of those programs to the Guardians.
Hex: Of course, dear.
Wild Card: Thanks.
(Wild Card takes the e-mail, and he and Jo Ann leave.)
Hex: Maybe we'll do this again sometime.
Rab: But not every SPAM...
Hex: Of course not! Just a few...special...SPAM mails...
Lotus: Okay. Later, then. Bye-bye.
Hex: Bye, Lotus.
Rab: Yeah...bye!
Hex: Now...let's do something else...Biscuits?