Mystery ReBoot Theater Theme
(SOL)
Mike: Hi all! And welcome to another episode of Mystery ReBoot Theater.
(Tom and Crow are playing a game of Mancalla, while Bob is trying to referee.)
Bob: Crow, I keep telling you, "If you land in an empty space on your side of the board, you get to take your stone and your opponent's stones that across from the space you last landed in." Tom made a legal move when he took your stones.
Mike (coming up to the group): What's going on, Bob?
Bob: Tom made a perfectly legal move and Crow is steamed about it.
Crow: He cheated! Tom CHEATED!
Tom: I did not!
Crow: You did too!
Tom: Did not!
Crow: Did too!
Tom: Did NOT!
Crow: Did TOO!
(Crow takes the Mancalla board and brings it down on Tom's head, scattering the pieces everywhere. Tom ends up with a pair of "gemstone" eyes as a red piece and a blue piece become lodged in the cracks of his glass head.)
Tom: Sayyyyyyyy, these look good! What do you guys think? Do they make me look cool, or what?
Mike (regarding Tom's new eyes thoughtfully): Hmmm...They do look very nice, Tom. Quite distinguishing, really.
Bob: Very.
Mike: Maybe that's what Tom's been needing...eyes...Opps. The Brady Bunch is calling...(Turns on Hex Screen.)
(Widowmaker)
Pearl: Hi, Nelson and assorted characters
(SOL)
Mike: Hello, Pearl
(Widowmaker)
Pearl: We've got a really bad fic lined up for you this time and ... (just notices Tom's new "eyes") Tom, what happened to you?
(SOL)
Tom: Well, Crow and I were playing Mancalla, and Crow got mad and hit me over the head with the board, and there I am. A pair of new, gemstone eyes!
(Widowmaker)
Pearl: Very nice. As I was saying: Megabyte and I have found a little fic that will tear your little pea-sized brains apart!
Megabyte: Indeed. It's a Mainframer-goes-to-the-Userworld-and-meets-the-User fic.
(SOL)
All: Oh, no! Not one of those fics!
(Widowmaker)
Megabyte: Oh, yes! Do enjoy. Observer!
Brainguy: Yeah? What do ya want?
Megabyte: Send the fic!
Brainguy (grumbles): Oh, all right! (pushes the buttons that sends the fic to the SOL.)
(SOL)
All: WE HAVE FANFIC SIGN!!!!!!!!!
/ * \... = 2 =... > 3 <... [ 4 ]... ( 5 )... | 6 |...
Mike (Dr. Frankenstien): IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE!
Bob (Dr. Franken-binome): IT'S COMPILED! IT'S COMPLIED! IT'S COMPILED!
Tom: You fellows are starting to worry me...
Bob: "A_Einome"? What's that? A new kind of binome?
This interesting story
Crow: THAT will be a matter of opinion.
is about a storm overloading a computer with Mainframe in it. A tear forms,
All (Singing): Tears on my pillow, pain in my heart, caused by yooouuuu.....
someone (not telling) gets sucked into it,
Crow: Those vacums really suck...
Mike: Don't even think it, Crow!
and appears in Userworld. Phong and the others
Tom: Throw a party?
Crow: PARTY! PARTY! PARTY!
have one kooky time getting her back!
Tom: "Her". Let's see, that means it's either Dot, AndrAIa, Mouse, Hex, or Princess Bula.
Mike: I'm betting it's Hex.
Tom: I'm goin' with AndrAIa
Bob: Dot.
Crow: That leaves either Mouse or Princess Bula for me. (Drools over Mouse) I'll...take...Mouse...
Read on! (I will not be writing in script format this time, BTW)
The storm was quickly rolling in.
ALL (singing): Rollin', rollin', rollin'...
John and Mike were on their computer, playing Jedi Knight.
Crow (Obi Wan Kenobi): Use the Force, Mike!
Inside, the Mainframers were in the game, fighting back.
Tom (Obi Wan Kenobi): Use the Force, John!
"Watch it!" Bob said, blocking the User's lightsaber move.
Mike (Obi Wan Kenobi): Use the Force, Bob!
Bob: If I could, I'd be back in Mainframe by now!
"I know!" Matrix said, shooting the User, watching his life go down.
Crow: Who's Matrix supposed to be? Han Solo?
Bob: That would make AndrAIa Princess Leia.
Mike: And if you're Luke, that would make you AndrAIa's brother.
Outside, John and Mike were stunned.
Mike: Boy! Interactive games nowdays are so real
Bob: Games have always been real to me.
"Mike, these games get harder each time I play them!" John said.
Bob: I should hope so! My folks are deleted data if they aren't!
"You're right. Let's work on something else," Mike said, closing the game.
Bob: YES! YES! WORK ON SOMETHING ELSE! NO MORE GAMES! NO MORE GAMES!
Crow: Wow! And I thought Little Enzo was hyper...
"Game Over" the computer said, and the purple cube lifted up and away, dropping Bob and Matrix.
Tom and Crow (as Bob and Matrix): OW! OFF! OUCH! YEOW!
Crow (Matrix): Does the User have to drop us so hard?!
Tom (Bob): Spite damage for causing him to lose the game.
Hack and Slash came rolling up to them.
ALL (singing): Rollin' on the river...
"I think we did a fine job!" Hack said.
Bob: What do you mean, "we"?
Mike (Matrix): Yeah...we did all the work. Where were you two?
"Yes, we did good." Slash said.
Tom: ACK! Incoming Hack and Slash dialouge! Take emergency action!
(Bob, Mike, Tom, and Crow assume the "crash position" and cover their heads.)
"Great."
"Excellent"
"Stupendous"
"Wonderful"
"Guys, will you stop?" an irritated Matrix said.
Mike: Thank you Matrix!
"Would you really call hiding from the User helping?" Bob said.
Crow (as Hack): No.
Tom: So that's where they were...hiding!
"No." Hack said.
Crow: See?
"Not at all." Slash said.
Tom: And Slash agrees!
Bob: Slash always agrees with Hack.
Crow: Not always. They can never agree on whose turn it is to press the button.
Bob sighed. "Let's go to the Diner."
Mike (Bob): And get some munchies!
Outside of the computer, John and Mike were writing their school report.
Mike: What they should have been doing instead of playing the game.
Bob: Strong second!
"Mike, will we finish this before that storm comes?" John said.
"Yeah. I mean look!" Mike said, looking out the window. A bolt of lightning striked. "Forget what I said."
Crow (John): What'd you say, Mike? I forgot...
Without warning the computer frizzled and sparked and overloaded.
Bob: AAAHHHH!!!!!!!!! MY HOME!!!!!!!!!!
"See what happened?" John said.
Crow (John): You fried somebody's house!
In Mainframe, they were feeling the damage. The ground shook and some small buildings toppled. Bob was wondering what was happening.
Tom (Bob): Are building suppose to topple?
"Bob, what's going on?" Matrix said.
Crow: He asks in his own, little way.
"I don't know..." Bob said. A Vidwindow popped up. Phong appeared.
Mike (as MC): Aaannnddd now, preeeesentinggg: Phong, the Amazing Magicain! Watch him suddenly appear out of thin air!
"Bob! Come to the Principle Office! We are...overloading!" the old sprite said.
Mike (Phong): With Beanie Babies�! We are up to our transistors in bears!
By now they had reached the Diner. "Be right there, Phong." Bob said. The window closed.
Tom: And yet another fun-filled second of hanging out at the diner is spoiled by more of the User's stupidity!
Bob: Good one, Tom! You're getting the hang of Mainframe time pretty well.
Tom: Thanks, Bob.
"Bob!" Dot said. "What's happening?"
Bob: Oh, nothing much...
Crow: Mainframe's just crashing...
Tom: Again!
Mike: That's all...
(Pause...)
ALL: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"The system is overloading." Bob said. Another tremor shook. "We've got to go to the Principle Office!"
Tom (Bob): We have to talk to Phong!
Crow (Dot): Will we have to play his favorite game again?
"Okay, let me just finish things up here. See you in a nano." Dot said.
Mike: Yes, even when the system is CRASHING, Dot Matrix is cool under pressure!
Bob: Hey, I've always thought of her as a jewel! (grins)
(Mike, Tom, and Crow groan.)
"Bye." Bob and Matrix started to speed off, but then a Tear appeared right by Dot. It turned into a Portal.
Tom: Tears: Better than travel agents.
"Dot! Get away from there!" Bob said. Another tremor shook, and Dot was thrown in.
Crow: Tears: Mainframe's landfills.
"Sis!" Matrix said. The Portal closed. "Where did she go?"
Tom: Notice that even when they ask a question, all they do is "said". No "asked", "yelled", "screamed", etc.
Crow: Yeah. A_Einome needs to use a little varitiy in his dialouge.
"Good question. Let's go to Phong." they sped off, heads hung low.
Crow: And they instantly crash into a brick wall.
Mike: Those things have a way of sneaking up on you.
Tom: Tell me about it!
"This is great! Our dumb computer is frozen!" John said. "My thesis will never get done now!"
Crow (Mike): We could, like, use pen and paper?
Tom (John): Pen and paper...of course! Mike, you're a genius!
Mike (modestly): I know...I know...
Crow: Not you, Mike. The Mike in the fic.
Mike (chestfallen): Oh...
"Relax. Let's go to my house. Maybe my computer is working." Mike said. They started to get up, but then the computer made a weird sound, and something like a bubble appeared next to the computer.
Tom: Glinda!
"What the heck is that?" John said.
Tom: It's Glida, the Good Witch of the North! She's come all the way from Oz for a visit!
The bubble wavered, and Dot fell out. The bubble disappeared.
(Crow sneaks up behind Bob with a balloon and a straight pin. Quickly, he pops the balloon.)
Bob: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! (Turns around and catches Crow with the pin and the remains of the balloon.) I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT, CROW!!!!!!!!!
Crow: TRY IT, BLUE BOY! (Runs off, with Bob close on his...uh...heels.)
"Wha... where am I? Wait a nano... this isn't Mainframe!" Dot gasped.
Mike: At last! Something besides, "The character said..."!
"Nano? Mainframe? You okay?" Mike said.
Tom: Annddd we're back to "The character said..."
Mike: Nuts! And just when I thought the quality was picking up, too!
Inside, Bob finished telling Phong the bad news.
Bob (from somewhere to the right): Your subscription to Playboy ran out today.
Crow (also from somewhere to the right) (Phong): Awww...and next month's centerfold is...
Mike: CROW!
"So she fell into a Portal? I must scan for this." Phong said. He typed onto a console. "The last Portal led to... wait, no that can't be right."
Tom (Phong): Dot's gone to Disneyland!
(Bob and Crow return to the seats. Both are a little dirty from their little fight. Bob has some scratches and bruses, while Crow has some scratches and several dents. Crow also has the remains of the balloon tied around his beak, held on by the now bent pin, effectively sealing his mouth shut. Bob wears a smile of satisfaction on his face.
"What Phong?" Matrix said.
Mike (Phong): Phong is Phong, my child.
"Child, the Portal led to... the Userworld!"
Mike (singing): A User girl in a Userworlddd...
"This is bad. Very bad." Matrix said.
Bob: Hey, that's my line!
"Hey, that's my line." Bob said.
Bob: See?
Dot was slowly recovering in John's bed.
(Crow is finally able to remove the rubber stretched around his beak.)
Crow: Her clothes all over the floor...
Bob: CROW!
"What happened? Where is Mainframe? Where is this?" Dot said.
Tom (Dot): Who are you? How did I get here?
Mike (Dot): When did I get here? When did you get here?
"Well, you're in Midstown, New York." John said.
Mike (John): Right between Hightown and Lowtown.
Tom (John): Or even between Righttown and Lefttown.
"Midstown? I don't recall a system of that name. Can you get me a drink? I'm low on energy."
Crow (Dot): I/O shot, please.
"Energy? You need energy? We can get that." John said. "C cell or D cell?"
Crow: She asks for something to drink, and they offer her batteries?
Mouse was confused. "Can you repeat that, sugah?"
Tom (Mouse): Even though you never said it tha first time, sugah?
"Mouse, we need you to hack into the Userworld." Bob said.
Bob: Then we can raid their fridge for munchies.
"Now how am ah supposed ta do that?"
Crow (Bob): If we knew how to do that, we wouldn't have asked you!
"I don't know. You're the hacker."
Tom (Bob): Do that hacking thing that you do.
"Well, ah might as well give 'er a try." She pulled up to a console. "Sugah, what do ya want me to, anyway?"
Crow: Wellll...you might want to take off that shi...
Mike: CROW!
"Get some video or audio transmissions."
ALL: NETCAM!
"Okay, ah'll see what ah can do."
John and Mike watched Dot putting the batteries up to her body, getting the energy she needed. "Thank you."
Crow: And the two teenage boys are just drooling all over her...
Bob: ::sighs:: I'll say it, this time: CROW!
Mike: Thank you!
Bob: No prob.
"Now, you say you came from Mainframe?" John asked.
Mike: Once again, someone says something in some other way other than "said".
Bob: Huh?
Mike: Well, you know how this fic has dialouge, but with no variations on how it was said?
Bob: Yeah...
Mike: Well, while you were chasing Crow, there was a line that actually had Dot gasp.
Bob: Really?
Mike: Yeah. This is the second time someone spoke, and it was something other than "said".
Bob: Well, at least there is some variation in dialouge type.
"Yes, I'd like you to get me back." Dot said.
Tom: "Back" where?
Mike: "Back" for what?
"I can try." John said.
Crow:...
Mike: Don't even try, Crow.
"John! I found something!" Mike said.
Tom (MIke): The last M&M!
Mouse was typing away. "Ah think ah got somethin'!"
Tom (Mouse): The last M&M!
"What Mouse?" Bob said. Matrix and Phong crowded around her.
Mike: That Mouse.
"It's an audio file. Ah'll play it."
Crow (singing): "Harry the hairy ape made his escape from the citaaaayyy zoo..."
Others: (Looks at Crow strangely.)
Crow: What?
She typed in a command. The speakers blared with the User's voice.
ALL (covering their ears): AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"JJJohnnnn! I founnnnnnd sommmmethingggg!" the voice said, pausing in spots.
Crow: It'll never make Billboard's Top 10.
Tom: It'll never make Billboard's Top 100.
Mike: Face it. It'll never make Billboard, period!
Bob: Agreed.
"Can you get better quality, Mouse?" Bob said, excited. Phong put his hand on Bob's shoulder.
Mike (Bob): GAHH! Don't DO that, Phong!
"Bob, do not forget User time is deacelarated."
Bob (Phong): The User is as slow as a low-energy null.
Phong said. "Mouse, you can try to speed the file."
Tom: Is that a question or a statement?
Bob: Looks like a command to me...
"Okay, sugah." She typed in another command. The voice came up again.
Crow (Voice on phone): You have reached Dial-a-Po--
Mike: CROW!
Crow: --em. "Roses are red, Violets are blue, I like girls. How about you?"
Mike: ::sigh::
"John! I foundddd something!"
Tom: Still too slow, but getting there...
"Ah think I got it streaming, and ah'm playing it, now." the voice played out, pausing every once and a while.
Crow: It's William Shatner!
"What Mike? John, something's happening with our computer. What is happening? Have you found Mainframe?"
Mike: Run-on sentance! Who said that last part?
"Dot!" Bob said.
Mike: Oh.
"John, something just popped up on the computer.
Tom: It's Jon Bon Jovi!
It was our sound recorder and..."
Bob (Mike): And we just played a Madonna CD for the Mainframers.
Crow: Madonna...(drool)
Mike: You shouldn't have said that, Bob...
Bob: Uh...oh...
Mike started to say.
"Must be your imagination. Come on. We've got to help this girl who has amnesia or something." John said.
Bob: "Amnesia"? She doesn't have amnesia!
"Okay, okay."
"Mouse, can you get video?" Bob said.
Mike (Mouse): VHS or DVD?
"Lemme see, sugah." Mouse typed up commands. "They don't seem ta have a video card."
Tom (Mouse): They do have a Mewtwo card, though.
"Cursors!" Bob said.
Mike: No more of that, young man, or I'll wash your mouth out with soap!
"Hold on! Ah've found out I can... communicate with the User!" Mouse said.
Mike: Can you communicate with aliens, too, Mouse?
Bob: I wouldn't be surprised if she could, Mike.
"This is great! Mouse, tell them something that won't...startle them." Phong said.
Crow (Mouse): Hey, Users...wanna see somethin' kinda kin...
Mike: CROW!
Crow: What?!?
Mike: Don't DO that!
Crow: Do what?
Mike: ::sighs:: Never mind...
"Well, why don't you? Ah'm putting the microphone on..."
Tom (Mouse): WKRP in Cincinnati...
Mike thought he heard a voice in the computer room. "Did you hear something?" he said.
Mike (singing): Do you hear what I hear?
Crow: No...what did you hear?
"Yes. Oh no! Someone must have broken in!" John said, rushing into the computer room. When he got there, he heard a voice coming from the computer.
Tom (HAL): Hello, Jonathan...
Crow: Did HAL ever say that?
Tom: I don't think so. But what other computer can you think of that is that interactive?
"Hello? Are you there? We come in peace." the voice said.
Mike (Voice): Take us to your leader!
"Um, hi." Mike said.
Bob (Mouse): Howdy!
"Oh! You are there! Thank the U... well thank you!"
Mike (Mike): No, thank YOU!
"Well, um, who is this?"
Crow (in woman's voice): It's the Avon Lady!
"Oh, I cannot tell you. But, do you have a spri... er...is there someone named Dot there?"
Tom (Mike): The lady named after a kind of printer? Yeah, she's here.
"Yes. Hey, Dot? Someone is here to talk to you!" Mike yelled.
Crow (Dot): I hope it's my travel agent. I have a few choice words to say to him...
"What is it?" Dot said.
Bob (Mike): It's a funny, robot-looking old man...but that's not important right now!
"Dot!" the voice said.
All: DASH!
"Phong!" Dot said.
Tom: I thought that was Mouse.
Bob: No, Mouse didn't want to do it, so she asked Phong to.
Tom: Oh.
"Phong?" Mike said.
Bob: Yeah. Phong. Very old wise guy.
Mike (Johnny Cash): I walk the line...
"Dot! We are so glad to hear you!" Phong said.
Mike (Phong): You sound so different over the phone, my child...
"What happened? Where are you? Where am I?" Dot said.
Tom: A What and two Wheres...what happened to "Who", "Why", and "When"?
"Child, you are in Userworld."
Crow (Madonna): Living in a User World, and I am a User Girl...
"Userworld?"
Mike (Phong): No...I said "You are in Disney World"...
"Yes. We are trying to find a way to get you back into Mainframe."
Bob: How about a portal?
"I think I have an idea, Phong." Bob said.
Bob: How about a portal?
"What, child?" Phong said.
Bob: We make a portal.
"Maybe one of us could go into Userworld and birng her back."
Crow: No portal, Bob.
Bob: Spam.
"What??? Are you random???"
Bob: No.
"No."
Bob: See? Even I agree with me. (pause) That sounded sooo weird...
"But Bob, if we could send you into Userworld, we could then just create a portal and then Dot could come back much easier."
Bob: Didn't I just say that? No one listens to me any more!
Crow: That's because you are so very basic.
Bob: Oh, shut up.
"Yeah Bob, what are you saying?" Matrix said.
Tom (singing): Oh, we're off to see the User, the Wonderful User of Oz...
"Phong, Matrix, I want to see the Userworld. I want to see the User. I want to tell him what happens when he downloads Games and upgrades. Please Phong. I want to see Dot."
Bob: Yeah! Go me!
Crow: You are so strange...
Phong sighed. "Yes child. Mouse, can you generate a Portal to Userworld?"
Crow (Mouse): Do Ah look lyke a hacker?...Oh, yeah. Ah am a hacker. Sorry.
"Sugah, you're asking too much of me. I can't do three or four tasks at once."
Tom (Mouse): I ain't Dot, ya know!
Bob: Thank the User...
"Sorry. Can I have the microphone back? I need to tell Dot this."
Crow (Bob): Yo, Dot! I'm comin' for ya, baby! Whoo hooo!
"Sugah, you already did." Mouse said, pointing at the microphone light. It was green, and on.
Bob: Well, at least I won't have to repeat myself...
"So they're coming for me. They're going to bring me home!" Dot said, starting to cry with joy.
Mike: She cries with diswashing liquid?
"Wow. Hey yes! My computer unfroze!" John said. "Now I can start my thesis!"
All: One track mind!
"User!" Phong's voice emitted from the speakers.
Mike (Al): What?!?
"Huh? What is it?"
Mike: I just asked that!
"Please, tell me, do you have a video card?"
Tom (Phong): If you do, will you trade a Eevee card for it?
"Yes."
Tom (Phong): Good! Here's the foil card.
Crow: No! Don't trade that one! Trade the other Eevee card!
"Mouse, what happened then?"
Bob (Mouse): Well, it was a dark and stormy night...
"Sugah, ah don't know. Do y'all have a video program working?"
Tom (Mouse): Maybe Cool World?
"No. Would you like me to start one up?"
Crow (Mouse): Yeah. How about the Sports Illistrated Swimsuit Issue CD-ROM?
Mike: CROW!
Crow: You're no fun anymore...
"Yes, User."
Tom: Isn't that the same as saying, "Yes, Master."?
Bob: Not really. Depends on one's point of view.
John started up Quicktime. After he was done loading he spoke once again. "Okay, it is done."
Mike (John): That cake I made is ready.
"Thank you User. Bob, go to the place where I told you too. Mouse, get some video conformation."
Tom: Shouldn't that say, "...where I told you to"?
"Man, is it just me, or is this really, really weird?" John said.
All: It's you!
Inside the computer Bob zipped away to Floating Point Park. he landed on the island Phong had told him too. He turned on the device Phong had given him. "Phong, I'm at the center island."
Bob (Bob): I don't see Gilligan or the Skipper.
Mike (Bob): No sign of the Millionare and his Wife, either
Tom (Bob): And likewise, no Professor.
Crow (Bob): Wouldn't mind seeing the Movie Star and Mary Ann, though.
Bob, Mike, & Tom: CROW!
"Excellent. hold on! We are able too see the User! Please excuse us. We will have the Portal open soon."
Tom (Phong): It's one of those Port-a-Portals, my children.
Bob waited on a bench patiently. He felt a presence, but he didn't know what it was. He spun around and found Hex with Enzo.
Tom: Which is akin to finding TNT with caffine.
"Hello Bob! I was just taking this little sprite for a ride!" Hex said.
Mike (quickly): Don't say anything, Crow!
Crow (sulking): Party pooper.
"Bob! Hex is so random! She spun me upside down and almost knocked me into a building!"
Tom: Enzo said that as if he enjoyed it...
Crow: Enzo Matrix the masochist.
"Hex, why did you do that?"
Tom (Hex): Because he makes such a cute little top!
"I was bored. I did make some biscuits!"
Mike: Hex's Guide to Cooking With Your Friends
Bob: And we do mean with your friends...
"No thanks. Can you please leave? Phong's about to open a Portal to the Userworld."
Tom (Bob): And I vant to be alone...
"The Userworld? Cool! Alphanumeric! Can I go? Huh? Can I? Please?"
Tom: Shouldn't that be more like, "THEUSERWORLD?COOL!ALPHANUMERIC!CANIGO?HUH?CANI?PLEASE?"
"No. It's too dangerous."
Crow: And we wouldn't want Little Enzo to get hurt, right? (nothing) Right? (still nothing) RIGHT?
Mike, Bob, and Tom: Uh...Right!
"What about me, Bob?"
Mike (Tarzan): Me, Bob. You, Dot.
"Hex, do you think a User would like a Virus in his home?"
Crow: Hey, I wouldn't mind having her in my home!
Tom: Yeah. Virus or no, she is quite the looker.
"No. But I'm going anyway."
Bob: Why am I not surprised...
Bob sighed. It was hard to stop Hex when she really wanted something. "Okay, but don't infect the User. That would get us all in trouble."
Bob: Logic Error! Hex can't infect!
John was seeing this gold thing talking to him through his computer, showing him various things.
Mike (Phong): And this is the picture of Bob and Dot kissing. Their first kiss. ::wink, wink::
"This is Mouse. She is the one who allowed us to speak to you." John saw the view change to a woman with purple skin and bright orange hair.
Tom: She's real easy to spot in the dark.
Mike: With that hair? You could spot her if the two of you were deep in a coal mine, with absolutely no light of any kind.
Crow: I wouldn't mind being alone with her in a dark coal mine...
"Hi Sugah!" Mouse said, winking.
Crow (John): She winked at me! She likes me!
"And this is Matrix. he used to be a small sprite, but going through your Games has made him compile faster." The view once again changed, this time to a green skinned person with green hair. He had a goatee, and had a yellow ball for his right eyeball. "Oh yes! I almost forgot. User, open a Game. Anyone."
Mike: LET THE GAMES BEGIN!
Bob: (gives Mike a strange, wide-eyed look)
Mike: Sorry, Bob. I...I...don't know what came over me.
"Okay." John opened Jedi Knight again. "Now what?"
Tom: Watch and learn.
"Listen." In the background a voice could be heard. "WARNING: INCOMING GAME. WARNING: INCOMING GAME."
Bob: (Instictively jumps out of his seat and leaps toward the screen. Mike pulls him back.)
Mike: Easy, Bob. It's only in the fic. It's not really happening.
Bob: Just a fic...just a fic...just a fic...just a fic...just a fic...just a fic...
"Good. Child, go out and you can show the user what happens in a Game."
Bob: Yeah, Matrix. Show the User what happens in Games.
John saw the green skinned person run out the door. John thought he saw a giant purple cube coming down. Then he saw Phong talking to Bob through a window.
Mike: Stained-glass or regualar.
Tom: I'm assuming that it's regualar glass, Mike.
"Bob, do not go into this Game. This is for demonstrative purposes only."
Bob: You know, that's almost impossible for a Guardian.
Mike: What is?
Bob: Not going into a Game Cube. It's in the programing. And we can't go against our programing.
"Okay Phong."
Bob: Not okay, Phong.
"Now, User, please watch your screen."
Tom (Rod Sterling): Do not adjust your T.V. set. We control the vertical. We control the horizonal...
Mike: No comment, Crow...
Crow:...
John watched and started his game. he walked around, doing pretty much nothing but looking out for a green haired enemy. He found one and waited. And waited. And waited.
Tom: And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited...
"Come on, do something!" John yelled out.
Crow: Got a chick?
Mike: Alright, Crow! That's IT! (Bonks Crow on the head with the clown hammer. Crow is knocked out, stars and planets revolving around his head)
Matrix waited for the User to move.
All but Crow: And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited...
"Come on, User." Matrix was growing more and more impatient. He couldn't tkae it anymore. He fired his gun.
Mike: "Tkae"? What's a "tkae"?
Bob: Just the word, "take" misspelled.
Mike: Oh. For a moment I thought either me or the author was dyslexic.
Tom: Strong indication that it may be the author.
"Finally. Yep, that must be Matrix." John moved his character into a wall. He kept banging the head into the wall.
Tom: The origonal "headbanger"
"What is that User doing?"Matrix said. "Forget it." Matrix took John's character out.
Mike:..to a little cafe in the Super Compter.
Tom: At which AndrAIa, in a jealous rage, deleted them both with her nails.
"What the-" John started to say.
Tom: Don't finish that thought, John!
"Hush, child." Phong said.
Bob: Thanks, Phong.
John closed the game. Through the speakers he heard, "GAME OVER. GAME OVER."
Tom: Let's pretend that Crow made a "USER WINS" joke, and that Bob reacted, and Crow got bonked again.
Mike: Agreed.
Bob: Okay.
"So this is what happens..." John said, dazed.
Bob (solemnly): Remember this scene well, User.
(Crow wakes up and takes his seat.)
Crow: What'd I miss.
Mike: Nothing special.
Crow: Okay.
Hexadecimal was playing with Nulls.
Crow (Hex): Here, Nulls! Fetch the stick, boy! Fetch the stick! (pretends to throw an imaginary stick at the screen.)
"Now spin, and drop. Spin, and drop. Oh this is so fun! Spin drop. Spin drop."
Tom: Null tops, the newest toy sensation.
Bob (Mike the T.V.): At the nearest toy store for 99.99.99!
"Hex, what are you doing?" Bob asked.
Tom (Hex): Just playing with Nulls. Here, Nulls! Come here, boy!
"Oh just having fun. Now fly!" Hex threw the Null over the island. He fell all the way to the ground and landed with a plunk.
Mike: Null lesson number one, boys and girls: Nulls can't fly!
Tom: Not unless Peter Pan or Tinkerbell comes along and sprinkles fairy dust on them and the Nulls think happy thoughts.
Bob: Nulls can't think, period.
Tom: Then there goes Peter's first flying student flunk-out.
"Oh well. There goes another." She called another one over to her. "Now spin, and drop."
Tom: Nulls -- Better than Play-Doh.
Bob sighed. Suddenly a Vidwindow appeared.
All (Vidwindow): ::POP!::
"Bob, we are about to open the Portal." Phong said.
Crow: Couldn't Glitch-Bob do that, himself?
Bob: Not to the User World, he can't!
"Okay Phong." The window closed.
Tom: Interesting. A talking window...
"Oooo, now?" Hex dropped the Null. "Forget that!"
Mike (Null): Forget what?
Back in Userworld, Dot was getting nervous.
Mike: John had said something about a game...
Crow:...called Strip Poker! And she was losing badly...
Mike: Crooowww...(gets out the clown hammer.)
Crow: (cringing) I'll be good...
"They haven't gotten me back yet. Is osmething
Tom: Another bout of dyslexia...
wrong? I hope not. C'mon Dot, you're the planmistress. Think, think!"
Mike (Winnie the Pooh): Think, think, think, think, think...
She heard a voice. "Dot, come here! Phong has something to say."
Crow (John): But get your clothes back on first...::BONK!::
Mike (holding clown hammer): You were warned, Crow...
Yes! she thought. She ran into the computer room.
Tom: Tripping on the rug along the way...
"Dot, we are about to open a Portal."
Mike: This is a "Portal", mind you, not a "portal".
"Thank you Phong. I can finally go home."
Tom (Dot): I have a system to run!
"Bob will come out of it, and bring you home."
Mike (singing): Home, home on the range...
Even better!
Bob: You better believe it!
"Hold on Phong." Bob said.
Tom: Hold on to what?
"What is it, child?"
Mike (Bob): Viral transport.
"One minor problem. Hex is coming."
Mike: Which is what I said.
"Hex?" Phong, Dot, and John said.
Mike, Bob, and Tom: Yes...Hex.
(Once again, Crow wakes up and takes his seat.)
Mike: I hope you've learned your lesson, Crow.
Crow: I'll get you for this, Mike.
Mouse was typing away.
Crow (Snoopy, typing): It was a dark and stormy night...
"Just a few more nanos, then this baby's mine." Mouse stopped. "Ah'm done!"
Tom (Mouse): That new dress is finally finished!
In Floating Point and in John's computer room, a Portal appeared.
Tom: Let's play Connect-The-Portals!
"Good luck, Bob." Phong said.
Crow (Phong): Break a leg!
Bob: Crow! That's a terrible thing to say!
Mike: No, Bob..."Break a leg" is Show Biz talk for "Good Luck".
Bob: But why...?
Mike: I don't know. It just is.
"You too Phong." Bob jumped into the Portal, followed by Hex.
Mike: Bungiejumping into a Portal. New Mainframe sport?
"Now all we can do is wait." Phong said.
Tom: And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait...
Bob fell out onto the ground. He felt like he had been partially erased.
Mike: What does that feel like?
Bob: You feel very weak, and as if you aren't all there.
"I feel so, weak." Bob said.
Tom: Maybe some Boost?
"Bob, what's wrong? I feel great! Of course you're not the one with transfinite power."
Mike: Hex, the Energizer Virus.
"Oh no. Um, do you need energy?" John asked.
Bob (sarcastic): No, I like feeling like a null's lunch.
"Yes... I do." Bob said, weak.
Crow: I thought you didn't want any energy...
Bob: I was being sarcastic.
"Coming right up!" John got some C-cells out. "Here you go, Bob."
Tom (Bob): Got any D-cells?
Bob put them to his body and felt the energy come into him. "Thank you."
Mike: As opposed to just eating the batteries.
"Now who is this?" John asked.
Mike (Bob): This? This is Miss America.
"This? This is Hexadecimal, a virus."
Mike (Bob): That was my second guess...
"A Virus?" John asked.
Tom (John): You mean like a cold?
"She's a random one, one who won't do much harm unless you really tick her off."
Crow: Mainframe rule number --whatever--: Never piss off the chaotic virus.
"Exactly, Bob."
Mike: He doesn't look like an "exactly"...
"Then I guess my worries are over." John said. Dot rushed into the room.
Crow: Wearing a very...
Mike (warningly): Crow...
Crow: ...pretty yellow dress, with red roses and pink bows and...
"Bob!"
Tom (Dot): You've got mud all over your armor!
"Dot!"
Crow (Bob): You're...undr...
Mike: ::BONK!::
"Oh I'm so glad to see you! the Userworld is weird, isn't it?
Bob: Very.
"I don't know. I've only been here a micro."
Mike: Which in User-time is...
Bob: A minute. Actually, having just got there, it would have been a nano.
"Well, we'd better get back. We don't have all cycle."
Bob: All second!
Mike: Unoffically.
"First, I think we'd better have Hex look around."
Tom (Hex): Oooooo...I get to run around the User's house! Goody!
Hexadecimal ran into the kitchen. "Now what are these?" She picked up a piece of bread, and tasted it. "Yuch! Too stale." She went into the bedroom. "A bed!" She layed on it. "I could stay here forever!" she said, laughing.
Mike (Bob): Okay. Have fun.
"Hex? We don't have all cycle! Let's go back to Mainframe." Bob said.
(Crow again recovers and takes his seat.)
Crow (Bob): I'm homesick already!
"Fine, fine. Do I get to keep the bed?"
Mike (Hex): I have a wonderful spot in my garden for it!
"No, Hex."
Bob: Let the nice Users keep the bed.
"Pity." She walked back into the computer room.
Crow: More like sauntered into the computer room...
"Well, nice meeting you Users." Bob said.
Tom (John): Come again some time!
"Yes. We'll be more careful when we play Games. We'll only fight the Game sprites, and when we see you we'll be sure not to win. Right Mike?" John said.
Bob: You do that.
"Um, yeah. Bye!"
Bob: Mike didn't seem so sure...
Bob, Dot, and Hex jumped into the Portal. It shrunk and disappeared.
Mike (Mike, the T.V.): The Amazing Disappearing Portal! It shrinks and vanishes before your very eyes! And it's only 99.99.99!
Bob: You scare me, Mike. You really do...
In the P.O., Phong, Matrix and Mouse were greeting Dot, Bob and Hex.
All: Hi, Dot, Bob, and Hex!
"So, Dot, what is the Userworld like?" Phong asked.
Crow (Dot): They look very pale, and they got me into a game called Strip Pok...
Mike: CROW! (Goes to bonk Crow with the clown hammer, only to get bonked himself.)
"Well, they have round things that give you energy. They're easy to carry around, and they have lots of them."
Tom (Dot): They're called, "batteries"...
"They also have comfy beds and stale food." Hex added.
Crow (Hex): I wish we could have brought the bed back for my garden.
"Yeah, sure Hex." Bob said.
Tom (Bob): Maybe I'll get you a bed for your next birthday.
"Well I'm glad my sis is back." Matrix said.
Bob: You're not the only one!
"Wait a nano!" Mouse said. "Hey! Ah found out when we were talking to the User, Mainframe's speed was deaccelerated!"
(Mike recovers)
Mike: Mainframe slowed down?
Bob: Looks that way...
"I did not notice a change. It must have been without our knowing." Phong said.
Mike: Lots of stuff seems to happen "without their knowing".
"Well, it had to be, since ah just found out about it now, right sugah?"
Tom: True.
"Um, yes. You're right, Mouse." Phong said, blushing.
Mike: Turning Phong a deep shade of orange.
Tom: Which, on gold, looks like copper.
In the Userworld, John and Mike were getting over the shock of what just happened.
Crow (Pikachu): PIKACHUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!! ::ZAP!::
"I think I just had a dream." John said.
"If you had a dream, then I had one too." Mike said.
Mike (errie voice): Are you sure it wasn't a nightmare, boys?
"Ah, it was just a dream. Let's play some more Jedi Knight!" John stopped. "Nah, let's work on my thesis."
Bob: NO MORE GAMES! NO MORE GAMES! NO MORE GAMES!...
"Huh? You're always up for a game of that!"
Crow: They forgot already?
Tom: Talk about your short-term memory!
"I know, but something makes me want to not play games."
Bob: YES! No games, boys! Just do your homework and leave Mainframe alone.
"Oh well. Let's get cracking!"
Tom: Fried, poached, boiled, or scrambled.
Mike: Tom, what are you talking about?
Tom: Cracking eggs.
Mike: Finally! Let's go!
(They leave the theater.)
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