By: Jo Ann/Dia
Disclaimer: Mighty Orbots belongs to TMS Entertainment. The MiSTing concept belongs to Best Brains. The SPAMS I got in e-mail. Please note that I have problems getting anything between greater-than and less-than signs to show up, so I have converted those to ( ), where there are such signs. For the purposes of the MiSTing, Dia knows that Rob Simmons is the Orbots Commander. She still won't date him in his "other" identity, so when they go out on dates, he's always the Orbots Commander.
Also, there was color in the SPAMs, so I have indecated the color in parenthasis.
(The Orbots, Rob, and Dia sat in the TV room, watching the zillionth airing of The Wizard of Oz. The Orbots are sitting around the huge TV --quite literally a tube--, while Rob and Dia sat together on the couch. Dia, quite content with her seat, is holding Rob's hand and has her head lying on his shoulder. Rob, for his part, has pretty much accepted the fact that he's Dia's boyfriend, --which is what he's really been wanting to be, anyway-- and is just watching the movie.)
(On TV)Wicked Witch of the West: I'll get you, my pretty! And your little dog, too!
(She disappears in a flash of flame and a cloud of black smoke.)
Boo: Ooooo...she soulds like she would make the perfect mate for Umbra! (She shudders at the thought.)
Tor: Yeah. And pretty soon, there would be little Umbras and Wicked Witches running around the Shadow Star --or whereever Umbra hangs his hat nowdays.
Bort: I don't think Umbra has a hat...or does he?
Oh-No: That's just an expression, Bort!
Bo: Yeah. It means where someone lives.
Bort: Oh.
(Sometime later, during the part right after Dorathy, Toto, and the Scarecrow meet the Tin Woodsman, and the WW of the East has appeared, threatened them, and disappeared again.)
Bo: Hey! The tube just went out!
Boo: I think it's worse than that! Look! (She points to the darkened TV.)
(Once again, a familier, five-eyed face appears on the tube.)
Umbra: Greetings, Orbots!
Rob: Hello, Umbra. What have you got for us today?
Umbra: Quick and to the point as always, Commander. It's a couple more SPAM e-mails. Dang! I hate those things!
Dia: You and us both, since we're the ones stuck having to read them.
Umbra: Well, as long as I'm getting them, you are reading them!
(Umbra fades from the tube, once again being replaced by a document.)
Bo: WE GOT SPAM SIGN!
Return-path:
All: o/~Follow the Yellow Brick Road, follow the Yellow Brick Road, follow, follow, follow the Yellow Brick Road...o/~
Bo: I knew there was a reason we were watching that movie tonight!
Tor: More Spammese...again.
Crunch: ::MUNCH!:: Yeah...Spammese...::MUNCH!::
From: [email protected]
Bo: YAHOO!
Rob: What?
Bo: It says "yahoo" right there in the addy.
Rob: Oh.
To: ([email protected])
Boo: "haf". Half? "steinn". "thor". "Half stein Thor"?
Dia: "haf". Have? Have stein Thor?
Rob: Why does the SPAMmer want Thor to have a stein?
(The others just shrug.)
Subject: Substantially Increase Sales Today!
All: ::GROAN!::
Bo: Not another one of these things!
Oh-No: OH-NO!
26080
Tor: Umbra's zip code?
Date: Wed, 30 May 2001 10:17:24 -0400
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
Dia: That reminds me: I need to get lots of missiletoe for the Galatic Patrol Christmas Party.
Rob: Dia, that's months away!
Dia: I know that, love. But why wait until the last minute?
(Blue)SUBSTANTIALLY INCREASE SALES TODAY
Crunch: ::CHOMP!::..Color...pretty!
(Blue)ACCEPT VISA / MASTERCARD IN YOUR STORE OR ONLINE
Boo: Rob, what are Visa and Mastercard?
Rob: Plastic cards used for buying things instead of cash or checks. Pre-credits era.
Credit Card
Dia: Which Visa and Mastercard are examples of...
processing for US and International Businesses.
Bo: What? No Intergalactic Businesses?
(Red)THE BEST RATES IN THE INDUSTRY STARTING AT 1.5%
Boo: Oooo...now it's RED! Very pretty!
Bo: Boo! You're complimenting the SPAM!
Boo: Oh. Sorry. But it is pretty. The color, that is...
Tap into
Rob: Spinal Tap!
Dia & Orbots: WHO?!?
Rob: A rock and roll group from the very late twentith century and early twenty-first century.
Oh-No: You and your "classic" --and I use the term loosely-- music tastes!
Rob: Hey!
the impulse buying of
Bo: Purfume!
Boo: Jewelry!
Bort: Phones! No...Books! No...uh...TV's!
Crunch: ::MUNCH!:: FOOD! ::CHOMP!::
Tor: Barbells!
Oh-No: Dolls!
Rob: Circutboards!
Dia: Engagement ring!
Rob: Epp! ::GULP!::
online consumers and increase
Tor: Customer irritation!
sales by an incredible 50% to 400%.
Bo: Proof Alcohol!
Rob: Bo!
Boo: Bo, where did you get that!
Bo: Try going here: Team Steel MiSTs SPAM V By: Jo Ann/Titania Steel.
Rob: Oh.
Stop losing valuable sales!
Oh-No: Check under the bed. That's where I usually find Rob's socks.
Rob: Oh-No! (blushes)
(Red)ZERO APPLICATION FEE
Tor: Yeah...a big RED zero.
Bo: Rightttt....
FOR U.S. MERCHANTS FOR THE NEXT 3 DAYS!
Dia: (As SPAMmer) After which, we hit you with a nice BIG application fee!
(Blue)For a FREE CONSULTATION CLICK HERE Today!
Bo: (Mike the TV) For only $99.99.99!
Oh-No: You've been watching ReBoot again, haven't you?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rob: A line of cars from the point of view from Mighty Orbots' head...
Crunch: :::MUNCH!:: Look like ants!
Bo: They may be ants, Crunch!
(Blue)Millions of businesses accept credit cards, because it works.
Bo: I don't think the Galactic Patrol accepts plastic...does it?
Dia: Not that I know of...
TAKE ACTION
Tor: Delete this SPAM!
and sell directly from your store or web site!
Bort: W...w..what if you don't h...h...have a store or a web site?
Rob: You're out of luck.
We will provide you with the tools you need to Accept Credit Cards.
Tor: And if we don't want to accept credit cards...?
Boo: Notice that "Accept Credit Cards" was capitalized?
Bo: They're really trying to sell the idea, aren't they?
FAST setup within 3 business days!
Oh-No: Or, SLOW setup within 3 buiness years!
Rob: How about NO setup within an eternity!
Dia: That'll work!
Close the sale now. No more wondering if "The check is in the mail"
Tor (getting up): I'll go check...
Oh-No: Sit back down, Tor!
Tor: Okay. (Tor sits back down.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bo: There are those ants again!
Tor: Anyone know the vid-phone number of a good exterminator?
Rob: To get rid of the ants?
Tor: No...to get rid of the SPAM.
Rob: Oh.
(Blue)Click on this link to complete the Free Consultation Form
Tor, Bort, and Crunch, (ala, Sha Na Na): o/~ Bluuueee Moonnnnn, I saw you standing aloneeee...o/~
Dia: Uh...yeah. Whatever.
Or call (337)310-2444
Bo: Umbra's phone number!
Boo: I don't think so, Bo...
Today!
All: NO!
To get off this list (Blue)click here
Rob: Which we never got on to begin with...
.......... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
Tor: And in a week the little eggs will hatch into little sea monkeys...
Bo: 1970's reference, folks.
Return-path: ([email protected])
Dia: "TV in noa"?
Boo: Noah had T.V. on the Ark?
Rob: Not that I've read, no.
Boo: That's what I thought...
To: ([email protected])
Bort: That's not our address!
Oh-No: Shhhh...Bort! Don't tell anyone!
Bort: Oh. S...s...sorry!
From: [email protected]
Subject: Lose 8-10 Inches IN ONE Hour Guaranteed! 15233
(Everyone turns to look at Crunch...)
Crunch: Huh?
Date: Tue, 29 May 2001 08:16:45 -0400
Bo: Tue, 29th of May2001? Umbra must have quite a backload in his e-mail box!
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
Dia: When it just HAS to be there by Christmas...
Lose 8-10 Inches IN ONE Hour Guaranteed.
(Blue)Breakthrough technology Helps you Lose INCHES, Tightens Skin, and Cleanses your Lymphatic Circulation.
Rob: Lots of capitalization, there.
Dia: They just want to make sure the reader notices.
Rob: I guess that's why the color, too.
Dia: Yep!
The heavier you are,
Bo: I'll take a shot: The more you weigh?
Boo: That would be my guess...
the more you will lose.
Dia: Your mind?
(Red)If you are 20 pounds or more overweight, you should
Bo: Go on a better diet.
(Red)EXPECT to lose 8 or more inches.
Oh-No: It's under the bed with Rob's socks.
Rob: Oh-No! I do not lose my socks under the bed!
Oh-No: No...just in the clothes hamper.
Rob: OH-NO! (blushes)
Women lose inches from their arms and thighs
Men lose inches in their belly area
Dia: What if the woman wants to lose inches in her belly area?
(Blue)For More Information Click Here
All: No thank you!
*************************************************************************
Tor: Your path to the stars!
Rob: Looks more like a path of stars....
Removal: (Blue)here with remove in subject line
Boo: This shouldn't have been sent to begin with!
Bo: Try telling that to Umbra...
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
Bort: G...g...gr...graves? (Starts shaking in fear.)
Rob: More like: plus, minus, plus, minus, plus, minus, plus, minus....
Dia: We get the point, Rob!
(The holovision dims and the lights come on.)
Tor: Well, we've survived another SPAM attack.
Rob: Yeah. This time.
Dia: And we'll keep surviving them.
(Umbra appears on the holovision tube.)
Umbra: Still sane, I see.
Rob: Yes, Umbra. We will never submit to you or your attempts to torture us.
Umbra: So I see. Prehaps we should go to "Phase 2".
Dia: "Phase 2"?
Umbra: Yes. Next, you will be forced to read a fanfic. A Mighty Orbots fanfic.
Tor: There are fanfics written about us?
Umbra: Oh, yes. A few, but they are out there. The one I have in mind is called, "The Captive Commander". According to the fic, the Commander --you, boy, not Rondu-- is captured and tortured before he is rescued. Should be quite entertaining to watch you read it. Good-bye, now.
<(Umbra's image vanishes)
Rob: That does not sound very fun...
Dia: I don't think it was meant to be fun, Rob.
Boo (Hopefully): Maybe it won't be so bad...
Bo: Or maybe it will...
(Rob, Dia, and the Orbots look at each other worriedly as scene fades.)
I hope you've enjoyed this MiSTing. The next MiSTing will be of my fic, "The Captive Commander", the first chapter of my Shadow Mirror Saga (I accidently called it the "Dark Mirror Saga" in the SPAM MiSTing at Fanfiction.Net. Sorry about that). You can find the orginal fic in the Mighty Orbots Room at my website, Drak Pack Headquarters --REBORN!. My Eudora e-mail isn't working, so please e-mail me at Draka Dracula: [email protected]