The Drak Pack --Drak, Jr., Frankie, and Howler-- and their girlfriends, Joni Harker, Reta Forest, and Frost, are in the Satelite of Love, having been teleported there by Dr. Dred and O.G.R.E.
Drak: What are we doing here?
Joni: I wish I knew. One minute we were fighting Dr. Dred, the next -- we were here. Whereever "here" is...
(Lights start flashing, and while everyone else is looking around the SOL for whatever it making the noise that started up with the lights, Reta finds the Hex Screen and pushes a button. Dr. Dred and O.R.G.E. appear on the screen.)
Drak: Dr. Dred!
(O.R.G.E. Island)
Dr. Dred: Greetings, Clack!
(SOL)
Drak: That's "DRAK"!
(O.G.R.E. Island)
Dred: Whatever! Glad to see that you're admiring your surroundings.
(SOL)
Drak: Just what are you up to, Dred? And don't give me that old, "We-need-to-have-a-secret-meeting-to-discuss- my-latest-evil-scheme" gag. You know as well as I that it won't work with us up here.
(O.G.R.E. Island)
Dred: As perceptive as always, Drake. Well, I and my assosiates have decided that we have taken enough of losing from you and your pack, so we have sent you to the Satelite of Love so we can send you the cheesiest, absolute worst fanfics and such to drive you mad!
(SOL)
Drak: That's the most rotten, low-down scheme I've ever heard!
(O.G.R.E. Island)
Dred: Well, get used to it. You'll be there for a long time. Toad!
Toad: Yes, Master?
Dred: Send them the first fic!
Toad: I couldn't find any!
Dred: What?!? (Raises the hand holding the flyswatter over Toad's head.)
Toad: (Cringing from flyswatter) I couldn't find any fanfiction, Master. But I found this instead.
Dred: What is it?
Toad: It was on the computer this morning, in your e-mail box. I think it's called, "SPAM".
Dred: "SPAM"? Of all the idiotic, stupid...Hmm...maybe it will do for a start...Toad!
Toad: Yes, Master?
Dred: Send the SPAM!
Toad: Yes, Dr. Dred! (Pushes a button, sending the SPAM e-mail to the SOL)
(SOL)
Howler: Hey, I've seen this show before. It's called, "Mystery Science Theater 3000". Some guy and some robots sit in a theater and watch bad movie sent to them by some really evil people. The guy and the bots make fun of the movies, and that keeps them from losing their minds.
Frankie: Maybe we could do tha same thing!
Drak: That's ridiculous, Frankie! Hey...I've got an idea!
Hower, Frankie, & the girls: What?
Drak: We'll do like the guy and the robots did on "Mystery Science Theater 3000", and make fun of the fics that Dred sends us. We can keep our sanity that way!
Joni: (rolls her eyes skyward): However do you think of these things, lover?
Drak: (Shrugs): I don't know. Just my incrediable genious at work.<.p>
(Lights start flashing, and the klaxon sounds.)
Howler: WE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!!!!!
(There is a mad rush through the doors and into the theater.)
/*\...=2=...{3}...[4]...(5)...|6|...
(They are seated in this order: Drak, Joni, Howler, Frost, Frankie, and Reta)
Drak: A SPAM mail. This can't be good...
Return-path: ([email protected])
Howler: Bounce: The fabric softener.
Date: 17 Feb 2000 04:47:41 -0000
To: [email protected]
From: Worldprints.com ([email protected])
Subject: Take a Virtual Vacation - Courtesy of Worldprints.com
Joni: I'd love to...If I wasn't stuck in this satelite reading SPAM!
You are receiving this special offer from Worldprints.com because you registered on one of our partner sites, DeliverE Sweepstakes or Excite,
Frankie: We did?
Howler: When?
and opted in to receive email from third parties.
Reta: Sounds like something a lawyer might send...
If you wish to be excluded from any future offers or would like to provide comments to our service, please scroll to the bottom of this message.
Frankie: Can we, Drak?
Drak: Don't worry, Frankie. It's really short. We should be done in a few seconds.
Frankie: Okay, Drak.
Howler: Wow!
Frankie: Yeah! Look at the color!
Howler: I was talking about the Free Desktop Images.
Frankie: Oh.
FREE Wallpaper/Screensavers from Worldprints.com
Drak: I wish someone would save us from this screen.
Joni: I'll take some from "Interview With A Vampire"...
Drak: You wouldn't trade me in for Tom Cruise, would you? (He looks at her, worried.)
Joni: Course not, sweetie.
Drak: Okay...(but looks unsure.)
Drak: What family photos? Vampires don't show up on film.
Howler: A little like...
Frost: Don't even say it, Howler!
Howler: Okay...
Reta: [As SPAMer] All availible from my cell in prison!
Joni: [As SPAMer] And watch you lose said friends!
Get your wallpaper images today at http://wallpaper.worldprints.com
Howler: Before the FBI closes this website down!
You are receiving this special offer from Worldprints.com because
Reta: You are such a sucker for these SPAM scams!
you registered on one of our partner sites,
Frost: [As reciever of SPAM]: One of my bigger mistakes...along with bookmarking Cons "R" Us as one of my favorite sites to visit...
DeliverE Sweepstakes or Excite, and opted in to receive email from third parties. If you prefer not to receive any further messages from Worldprints.com,
Drak: No, I would not like to recieve more SPAM, thank you very much!
please reply to this message and type "unsubscribe" in the subject line (not the body)
Frankie: What body? There's no body here!
Howler: He means the body of the e-mail, Frankie!
Frankie: Oh. Sorry.
and include the original message in your request. Or send an email to [email protected]. All other comments may be sent to [email protected]. Thank you.
Drak: No, thank you. And that's a wrap! Let's go, everybody!
(They leave the theater.)
|6|...(5)...[4]...{3}...=2=.../*\...
(Bridge of the SOL)
Drak: Well, that wasn't too bad.
(O.R.G.E. Island)
Dred: Just a warm-up, I assure you, Jack!
(SOL)
Drak: That's Drak!
(O.G.R.E. Island)
Dred: Whatever! You can be sure that next time, I'll have a real treat in store for you.
(SOL)
Drak: We'll survive that one, too, Dred.
(O.R.G.E. Island)
Dred: We shall see, won't we, Drip! (laughs evilly, and closes the connection.)
(SOL)
Drak: That's DRAK!!!
Joni: What are we going to do now, love?
Drak: Try to survive Dred's little "presents" while we figure a way back to Earth.
Howler: I hope it's soon. "Big D" and Aunt Beth will get worried about us.
Frankie: Not to mention, Draka, Vamprina, Dractina,...
Drak: We'll just have to survive their onslaught as best we can. Meanwhile, let's see if this place has anything to eat. I'll cook.
(At that news, Frankie, Howler, Joni, Reta, and Frost race to the kitchen to try and beat Drak there. Not because they like his cooking, but to keep him from doing the cooking. Scene fades as Credits roll.)