~J o k e s~

Q: What goes ha, ha, ha, plop?
A: Someone laughing their head off!

Q: What has no beginning, no end, and nothing in the middle?
A: A doughnut!

Q: What always ends everything?
A: The letter 'G'!

Q: What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
A: Look round!

Q: What always falls without getting hurt?
A: Rain!

Q: What word is always pronounced wrong?
A: Wrong!

Q: What is full of holes yet can still hold water?
A: A sponge!

Q: Which is the fastest, cold or heat?
A: Heat; you can catch a cold!

Teacher: Mike, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?
Mike: No, Miss.
Teacher: Then stop acting the fool!

Q: What do sea monsters eat?
A: Fish and ships!

Q: How do electric eels taste?
A: Shocking!

Q: What is Father Christmas's wife called
A: Mary Christmas!

Q: Where do spiders play football?
A: Webley!

Q: Why is it hard to play cards in the jungle?
A: There are too many cheetahs!

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a fish?
A: Swimming Trunks!

Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter ?
A: I can't tell you because you will spread it.

Q: Which side of a hen has the most feathers?
A: The outside!

Q: Which meringues always come back?
A: Boomerangs

Q: What is tall,sweet and french ?
A: The trifle tower!

Q: Where was the Queen of England crowned?
A: On her head!

Q: What did the snail say when he got a ride on a turtle?
A: WEEEEEEEEE.

Q: What did the glove say to the ball?
A: Catch ya later! lolololol

Q: How do you stop fish from smelling?
A: Cut their noses off.

Q: What's black and white?
A: a newspaper!

Q: WHAT DO FISH SAY WITHOUT EYES?
A: FSH!

Q: Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
A: To get to the second hand shop!

Q: A man rode into town on Friday,
he stayed there for three nights
and he rode back home on Friday. How?
A: Because his horse was called Friday!

Q: What large, grey and goes around and around?
A: An elephant stuck in a revolving door!

Q: what is a cats favorite take away?
A: egg fried mice!

Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A PERSON THAT'S KEEPS ON TALKING
EVEN WHEN OTHERS HAVE STOPPED LISTENING?
A: A TEACHER!

Q: What does a magician and a footballer have in common?
A: Both do Hat tricks!

Patient........Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pack of cards?
Doctor.........I'll deal with you later!

Patient........Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains?
Doctor.........Pull yourself together!

Patient........Doctor, Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me?
Doctor.........Next please!   

Patient.....Doctor doctor I think i'm in invisible!
Doctor.....What?Who said that?

Patient:..........Doctor Doctor I feel like a snooker ball
Doctor:.......... Go to the end of the cue!

What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?
The banana split

What does Batman's mum call when she want's him to come in for dinner?
DINNER dinner DINNER dinner, DINNER dinner DINNER dinner BATMAN!