A JOHNNIE THROUGH-AND-THROUGH
(to the tune of "A Wand'ring Minstrel, I" from "The Mikado" by Gilbert & Sullivan)

JOHNNIE:
A Johnnie through-and-through --
Well schooled in proofs and lemmas,
Philosophical dilemmas,
And sophistical hullabaloo!

I've learned a vast extent,
Through every theory ranging,
And to your humours changing
I'll alter my argument!
I'll alter my argument!

Are you of a Platonic mind?
I'm just that kind!
Oh, me too! Me too!

Is Aristotle more your style?
Lets chat a while!
Oh, me too! Me too!

I'll tell your willing ear
Just what it longs to hear,
If, when you call for beer,
You buy me one too!
Oh, me too! Me too!

But if I find your intellect is lacking,
I'm only more than happy to supply
A reason to send all your cohorts packing
And keep me ever present by your side!

Together we will climb the corporate ladder
While those above us somehow get the sack.
Still, you shouldn't be surprised if when you get
To the top you find my dagger lodged right in your
back!

CHORUS:
You shouldn't be surprised that if and when
you e'er get to the top
You find his steely dagger lodged right in your back!

JOHNNIE:
And if you call for underhanded sophistry
I'm a sophist by training too.
A Q.E.F and a Q.E.D
Are mother's milk to a [guy/girl] like me
Though alien to you.

CHORUS:
Q.E.F and Q.E.D are alien to you!

JOHNNIE:
To utilize conventional thought
Might suit a layman's needs,
But the argument a Johnnie will turn to
Quite often must
Be fallacious and unjust
Though appearing to be true, (AHA!)
Which then justifies all their deeds.

CHORUS:
Then hire a Johnnie if you know
Your position to be untrue,
For Q.E.F and Q.E.D
Are both quite alien to you!

JOHNNIE:
A Johnnie through-and-through --
Well schooled in proofs and lemmas,
Philosophical dilemmas,
And sophistical hullabaloo!

JOHNNIE & CHORUS:
Sophistical hullabaloo!
Hullabaloo!