| IN THE BEGINNING... |
| IN THE BEGINNING... IN NOVEMBER OF 1987 MY EX-HUSBAND AND I SEPERATED ...AND THREE LITTLE CHILDREN AND I DROVE FROM VIRGINNIA BEACH, VIRGINNIA TO SPRINGFIELD, MASSACHUETTES...TO THE SAFETY OF MY PARENTS AND FAMILY... I WAS A LITTLE GIRL THEN, AT THE AGE OF 32 YEARS.� YES, I COULDN'T THINK FOR MYSELF HALF THE TIME AND I WAITED FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO MAKE THE DECISIONS FOR ME.� MY BROTHER ,TOM ,GAVE ME A PLACE TO STAY IN HIS RENTAL HOUSE .IT WAS SO SMALL THAT IF SOMEONE SNEEZED EVERYONE HEARD IT.� WITH ONLY A COMMERCE HIGH SCHOOL EDUCATION ...I ENDED UP ON THE WELFARE LINE.� BUT I BEGGED THEM FOR SOME SCHOOLING TO BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY ON MY OWN.� THEY GAVE ME TRAINING IN BEING A NURSES' AIDE. I WORKED FOR A GREAT HOSPITAL AFTER (AND IN 1988), A HOURLY RATE OF $6.97 WAS BIG MONEY TO ME.� I DISCOVERED AT THAT TIME,� HOW GIVING TO OTHERS GAVE ME A FEELING LIKE NEVER BEFORE.� IT FILLED MY HEART WITH WARM FUZZY FEELINGS LIKE YOU DREAM ABOUT HAVING AS A CHILD ...� IT GAVE ME THE WARMTH ,AND THE FEELING THAT GOD WAS PRESENT IN MY LIFE AND WAS WORKING HARD AT MAKING AND CREATING THE PERSON HE WANTED ME TO BECOME.� THATS WHEN I DISCOVERED I NEEDED GOD MORE IN MY LIFE THAN ANYONE ...BEING BROUGHT UP CATHOLIC GAVE ME MIXED FEELINGS ON LIFE .� THIS� RELIGION GAVE ME BOTH WARMTH OF HOME AND FAMILY (AND THE LOVE� AND BELIEF MY GRANDMOTHER ,NINA, HAD GIVEN ME), AND QUESTIONING IF GOD TRULY LOVED EVERYONE, EVEN IF WE SINNED.� THAT FEELING OF WONDERING IF WE COULD TRULY BE LOVED AT ALL CAUSE WE HAD MADE SO MANY MISTAKES IN THIS LIFE . THAT NOT EVEN GOD COULD FORGIVE US . COULD GOD FORGIVE A WOMAN THAT WAS GOING THROUGH DIVORCE FOR A SECOND TIME IN HER LIFE ?� COULD HE FORGIVE ME FOR NEVER REALLY FOLLOWING HIS COMMANDMENTS IN THIS LIFE?� COULD HE FORGIVE SOMEONE LIKE ME THAT COULDN'T STAND ON HER OWN TWO FEET AND TAKE CARE OF THINGS IN THE RIGHT WAY AS AN ADULT , AND MOTHER SHOULD?� I WAS SO CONFUSED AND LOST .� AND THE KIDS WERE JUST AS LOST AS I WAS...MAYBE EVEN MORE SO SINCE THE PARENT IS SUPPOSED TO LEAD THE WAY FOR THEM IN THIS LIFE... DID MY PARENTS HAVE THE RIGHT ANSWERS?� MAYBE IF I FOLLOWED THEM IN THE BEGINNING I NEVER WOULD OF GOTTEN IN THIS PLACE IN LIFE AND ...AND....AND....� End of page 1.........�������������������������������������������� |
| to be continued... written 3-17-2001 |
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