A Chicken is not a Bird, And Other Bedtime Stories -
Bartram,
Alligators,
Capons,
Pet chickens,
Free Trade,
Small Towns,
Darwin's Fish,
Mullet,
Egrets,
Hot Chili Peppers,
Archie and Mehitabel
Directory,
******
A Chicken is not a Bird, And Other Bedtime Stories -
The good folks in government in Bartow Florida have decided that a chicken is not a bird and therefore not covered under ordinances that protect fowl from abusive treatment. The whys and wherefores of their decision needs some explaining.
Bartow like many small towns throughout the country has a citizenry that still regards having and keeping animals as a God given right. It's the "keeping" that comes in for some discussion. Certainly if you have a pet lion or skunk, some regard for neighbor's feelings is necessary if you are to remain in high regard at the local barbershop or hair parlor. But, where do you draw the line for other animals. A long list of creatures that can be kept can be made and not offend anyone, and occasionally when they escape you can expect assistance in catching them. Of course there is the issue of so called "feral" cats; wandering felines that have taken it upon themselves to live the good life - free. Even these animals usually know where the pickings are good and stay pretty much in an area where they from time to time can panhandle a free meal or dish of milk.
In a small town, it's not the exception to find someone still keeping chickens in the backyard. Usually they are for the eggs or meat or maybe just because. For the most part this causes no problem and the neighbors get accustomed to them when they from time to time get out of their pens and go awandering. Being comfortable with domestic life, most return at dusk for food and protection against things that come out in the dark. However, a few go far from home and have to make it on their own. Regardless of which type we are writing about, chickens do have some characteristics that are unwelcomed by some people. Chickens do leave their droppings where the occasion demands. They do enjoy scratching and rolling in the dirt and they do invade gardens looking for bugs. They even are known to "graze" on tender offerings that may or may not be the season's planting. Mostly this can be forgiven, even the crowing that roosters (and some hens) are known for, might be music to some ears. However, as small towns are growing and as property changes hands, newcomers, unacquainted with country life, want to change the communities image (and perhaps increase their property values along the way.)
So it is inevitable that one or more individuals will express outrage about chickens free-ranging in town, and demand that elected officials do something about it. Typically once the word goes around that there is a trouble maker afoot, that person is gently reminded to mind their own business, get a life, or get out of town. For most people that's enough since they came here for a reason and really like the small town atmosphere. However, there are those that take it as their mission in life to change things for the good, and they ignore this advise. They complain to the sheriff or police who have more important things to do that pass out tickets for chickens not kept and not abided with. Having met with no results obvious to the eye and ear, the offended person attends a public meeting of the City Commissioners and lodges a complaint. Here it gets tricky.
Seems the City of Bartow has an ordinance on the books declaring what a friendly place this is to live and that birds, squirrels and the like are entitled to a free and easy life. Further, those that cause the animals hardship will be dealt with firmly. This sanctuary protects blue jays, cardinals, pigeons, crows, black birds, grackles, wood storks, sandhill cranes, cow egrets, etc., against hunters who might discharge a shotgun or rifle inside the city limits. This poses a problem because, yes, a chicken is a bird and the ordinance does not specifically include or exclude any species.
In the great wisdom of politicians, the city fathers decided to exempt chickens from protective custody. That decision requiring just three of the five elected officials was easily made. But unfortunately chickens, smart as they are, never learned to read, so they continued to do what a chicken loves to do best. It was time for action, and when it became the responsibility of the Sheriff and his men to capture the offenders, they wisely after thinking that those same chicken owners might be someone that they would be sharing a Church pew with on Sunday, wisely decided that they had more important things to do and besides their job description didn't include capturing chickens.
Money in a small town is always a problem and it amazed all that funds could somehow be found to employ a chicken catcher. And while no one has been hired to date, defenders of the free-range chickens did not stand idly by. No sir, they ask the hard question, if you catch the chicken what are you going to do with it? Answer, catch the chicken, return it to its owner and if it gets free again, fine the owner. Simple. Not so. Supposing no one claims the chicken, who do you return it to and more important who gets the fine? After some scratching of the head it was decided that since these animals are no longer protected birds, they could be taken to the country and released. The chicken catcher would capture these offending critters and dump them in the country.
Alas, it seems the rural folk have had enough of kittens and puppies being foisted upon them and are fighting back. They have had their say before the Commissioners, and it is a resounding No! The wits and those only half as smart have had a field day with the issue. Some have suggested that the United States Congress (or at least the Florida state legislature) will probably be called into action to implement anti-dumping legislation. Lawsuits while popular with lawyers are not so with politicians and it may require a revisit of this matter if and when Bartow actually hires an individual who can capture these animals.
Meanwhile, the chickens continue to greet the morning with their crowing, making themselves at home wherever they find good pickings, scratchings and dustings; and doing what they do best, which is to remain free.
Lest you think that the Bartow Commissioners have stepped in something left on the front door stoop, be reminded that they are just following what has been established as law. Seems that while chickens are not birds by their analysis which is to say the least, peculiar; if you review past court cases in Florida you discover that an honorable judge ruled that mullet are not fish; but are instead, birds. The issue is not as clear cut as one might suppose. The "fish nor fowl" decision was based on the mullet's feeding habit since evolution provided it with a gizzard to digest the grass on which it feeds. Since birds have a gizzard and mullet have a gizzard, ergo, mullet are birds! Defendants in the case who were caught netting mullet to feed their family, supposedly treated the judge to a fine fish dinner that may or may not have included mullet as the main dish.
The Bartow commissioners sidestepped the issue somewhat by ruling that chickens are domestic fowl and therefore not to be protected as wildlife. You may question if any of the Bartow Commissioners has ever tried to run down and catch a chicken, and it is likely that these "free ranging" chickens will be just as elusive or more so than the barnyard or penned variety, wild they are!
Free ranging fowl even if not a chicken, have certain rights, just ask residents of Longboat Key in Manatee County Florida who have a problem with peacocks. For those that don't know or understand, a pea fowl is a rather large and very attractive animal, especially the male when he makes quite a show of his feathered backside. As a part of his performance to attract the opposite sex, he has a characteristic sound that when emitted is enough to raise the dead (or instill fear in erstwhile competitors.) If that isn't enough, he is brash enough to attack anything that resembles another male peacock, even if it is just his own reflection. That really wouldn't matter except when it happens to be the side of your shinny new luxury car, sports utility vehicle or whatever. Those scratches are permanent! They need not fear, the battle lines have been drawn; a support group for peafowl has been formed on Longboat Key to be sure that this part of the island's heritage is not lost.
The vagrancies of chicken raising and their contribution to enlightening humanity are many, as example:
Like a chicken running around with its head chopped off
- (It could be just as easily said; as a chicken with its head wrung off which is just how it used to happen when the bird was on his or her way from the yard to the kitchen.) It's true that the chicken does continue to navigate, but not very well, and does manage to run around mostly in circles. The nerve centers controlling balance and locomotion must dwell somewhere other than in the brain(?) Perhaps one will question the actions of the Bartow city commissioners as being a bit "chicken-like."
Finger-licking good
- Certainly applies to chicken (well maybe Southern barbecue as well.) Here in the last vestiges of Florida's Old South, chicken is a popular dish. Isn't it strange that the Commissioners didn't consider this option?
Chickens as missiles
- Scientist have used chickens (both frozen and fresh, but not alive) as missiles to test airplane engines and other things that just might encounter a bird. A cannon has been developed which fires the chicken at the airplane engine to determine what happens if a bird gets sucked into the jet while the plane is in flight. It really wasn't necessary to go this extreme, as many examples of buzzards and other fowl have already demonstrated what a mess can be made when striking an automobile windshield, etc. There is a chance that the Bartow chickens may actually find themselves thrust into this activity as they are bold enough to cross busy streets and can wing-it for a considerable distance.
Vacuum up the chickens
- Since Bartow's city fathers have decided to hire a catcher, it remains to be seen whether they will permit him (or her) to purchase suitable equipment for the task. Here the pathway to perfection is clear. Large broiler farms still use hand labor to catch the birds but as it is extremely stressful on both the bird and the catchers, American ingenuity has risen to the occasion and provided a mechanical means for the "harvest." It's a king-sized Hoover as the Brits call them.
No chicken pluckers need apply
- Rubber fingers have taken over the job that once proved employment for thousands. Here we find another example of technology advancement putting people out of work. As Mehitabel might say' "where will it end?" All those juicy "fresh" chickens and their assorted parts came from a well-feathered bird (Ignore the Israeli scientists that have developed a featherless bird. No self respecting chicken would ever have romantic notions about such. The mystery of what's underneath still excites.) As noone wants to take a chicken home for a plucking, the poultry industry has done it for you. How it works cannot be adequately described.
Chicken lice
Lice are such friendly fellows, but chicken lice aren't. (Actually all bird lice are pretty much the same). Seems if you are handling a group of hens and such, it's not uncommon to discover that something very small is crawling about in your hair and other parts. But no need to reach for the DDT or other pesticides to rid yourself of the critters, no, they don't like you just as much as you don't like them. For some reason, they don't stay aboard a human no matter how friendly and by the next day are long gone. Where? Don't know but they are gone. While DDT would have been the product reached for during the second world war, and was used on the troups to rid them of head lice, banning DDT seemed to open up a can of worms for pesticides. Now there is a mirad of products on the market that will control human head lice and are in your friendly drug store (grease, combs, head wraps, and of course pesticides). Regardless of what approach you take, a pesticide is the best way to get rid of lice. But of course, none are really required if you happened to have the chicken variety.
Two chickens in every pot and a car in every garage
- This saying didn't make it for the other Hoover. And, it is unlikely that the Bartow chickens will ever show up in any pot
Buffalo wings
- Sure and maybe ersatz cheese and other goodies are there for your eating pleasure. If buffalo have wings, then perhaps the Commissioners are onto something. Why not just declare the Bartow offenders are cows and cows, sheep and goats not being permitted in the city (no more than one per acre, that is) can be removed. While they are at it, maybe they can explain how horses don't qualify as a domestic animal and instead are classified as pets (along with snakes, spiders, pot-bellied pigs and such.)
Chicken soup
- Good for everything and everyone, except the chicken. This may be the fate of these range chickens. They have developed a strong constitution and like runners and bike riders don't have a surplus of fat. Chew the soup carefully.
Spent hens
- There really is a market for spent hens (politics excepted.) While some female politicians have all the beauty of a spent hen, at least Campbell soup doesn't have a care for them. (Remember the movie; Soylent Green) Yes Virginia, someone actually wants those old laying hens when their time has come. The soup manufacturer needs something that will withstand the processing/canning of soup and not turn to mush. The spent hen is tough enough for the challenge.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Now here is the nugget of the Bartow problem. Once these feathered creatures had a real home and were cared for, but alas, they crossed the road. Some would say it's to get to the other side, but more than likely there is a deeper reason. Chickens can be hypnotized by placing their beaks on a line. Once done they stay there, immobile for a short time. A possible answer is the road department in their painting of lines; dividing roads into smaller and smaller lanes for larger and larger cars and trucks, may have inadvertently mesmerized the chicken, and the chicken being a highly intelligent animal, isn't going to be fooled twice. (They can be taught to count, you know.)
Chicken Little
- It's politics as usual in predicting when the sky will fall and who's to blame. It may well be that the individual that complained mightily and got the attention of City Fathers is the Chicken Little in this story. She was annoyed by all the things that chickens do naturally, and "naturally" as a politically correct member of the community, couldn't leave well enough alone. Once she has cried "the sky is falling" or "ecological disaster" or some other outrage one more time, the community will have had enough of her and simply suggest that perhaps the chicken catcher target her and put her out in the country and leave the chickens alone.
Meat recovered from ground-up chicken bones
- Don't blanch but this is what's in those delicious hot dogs! Sort of makes the deep-fried, heavily-battered chicken with heaps of potatoes and gravy and a side helping of turnip greens boiled with chunks of sowbelly sound heathy. Calling the product, "mechanically deboned chicken" doesn't add much to its glamor.
Chicken flying contest
- (Maybe this should have been included with the cannonball chicken.) Here's how the game is played: It's easy; climb to the top of high building and toss your chicken into the air. Winner is the one that goes the farthest. (Reminds me of the WKRP television series where the station owner sponsored a giveaway where live turkeys were dropped from a helicopter as "gifts"for the holiday. Mr. Carlson said, "As God is my witness, I thought that turkeys could fly.") Well maybe this "turkey" of an idea by the Commissioners about corralling free chickens wont fly either.
West Nile fever sentinels
- While some advocates are beating up on the poor chicken, perhaps it's good to take a moment and thank them for their community service. They are there to protect us all as they are kept in cages where mosquitoes can feed upon them. Taking blood samples from the chicken gives a clue as to whether the virus is present in the mosquito population. Of course we could use human volunteers for this important work (Does anyone come to mind?)
Blood from a turnip
- On the above subject, at least getting blood from a chicken is easy, since a rather large needle can be stuck into the beating heart, a blood sample removed, and no harm seems to have been done to the chicken. The IRS and local governments seemed to have adapted this technique and solve most "taxing" problems by buying the latest, biggest needles available and hiring additional staff to collect the blood, without considering the feelings of the donor. Of course the Bartow commissioners have the responsibility to oversee local government, but they have been involved in this most important issue involving - chickens.
Chicken man
- Enough attention to the caricature of a chicken has been paid. While Benjamin Franklin thought the turkey should be our national bird instead of the eagle, it appears that the chicken should now be considered. No one would even think of eating an eagle and after seeing turkey converted into some of the most amazing products, maybe not a turkey either. (Eagles are protected and even products made from cast off feathers seem to be off limits as well. Mrs. Clinton got one of her fans in deep do-do when she received as a gift, a token made with feathers that were judged to have come from an eagle. Hilly-Billy was outraged. We all should be, but at HRC.)
Dancing the Chicken
- You're on you own on this one.
Sesame Street's big bird
- A generation of children who are now approaching middle age, have strange thoughts about chickens. Maybe this is the problem with the protestors who want to take away freedom from this poor Polk county bird.
The mascot
- How a chicken can humble itself to being a team mascot, I don't know. They actually do bond to people and seem to accept people for what they are? But there is entirely too much adoration given to the sports who participate in athletics. However, it one of the Bartow schools would adopt the free ranging chicken as a mascot, it would certainly put a different twist in things.
Chicken feet, a favorite food for sailors aboard an ocean going tanker
- Having been offered free passage on an ammonia tanker to Trinidad, I jumped at the opportunity. Fortunately, I discovered that the main fare in passage was to be that Chinese delicacy, chicken feet prepared in Oh so many ways. I was unable to make the trip.
Chicken feathers - What to do with them?
There's lots of money to be made by the person that can discover a way to convert chicken feathers into something of value. Landfilling them or making food for cattle out of them denies the high economic potential. In days past, some individuals said, "chicken feathers," when suggesting that something was a bit of fluff.
Chicken offal
- The ultimate recycling is where chicken waste goes to the feedmill for feed manufacture. Other chickens get to dine on their brothers and sisters who have gone before. Offal rhymes with awful.
Vaccine production from eggs
- The lowly egg once inoculated with a virus can be host to the virus and permit it to replicate freely, once the virus reaches the proper stage of culture, it can be harvested. Thank the chicken for saving the population from otherwise devastating diseases. While some people have an allergic reaction to eggs, that's a small price to pay.
Synthetic eggs
- After the worry warts got all upset about cholesterol and fat, they were able to convince the gullible public that eggs were not good for them and artificial eggs were just the ticket. Well they were wrong and eggs are back in fashion, but a few diehards (including the companies that make substitutes) persist and these products remains on the grocery shelves. Maybe if food companies spent as much time and money on worthwhile projects, they could come up with something really important; how about synthetic chickens - then the free range ones would be left alone.
Genetic engineering to make useful proteins in eggs - By inserting a genetic code for a particular protein into the DNA of chickens, the egg can be made to contain quantities of a particular protein. Collecting the eggs, separating the protein from others in the albumin and purifying the genetically engineered protein excites a lot of biotechnology freaks. And, they may be on to something that will benefit us all.
Breeds of chickens
- Along comes a report out of China that they have discovered the skeleton of a long dead bird that had feathers on its feet. Unfortunately, the scientist could have made the same discovery by attending a county fair and admired the chickens from India that have these self-same features. Of course it's a lot more broadening to go play in a sand box in China.
Kentucky Colonel Sanders
- When Nobel prizes are passed out, the Colonel should be given one. He did more to improve the chicken's image than did any other person.
Hilly Billy's adventure in stock market investing
- Trading in the futures markets require knowledge and money (if you don't have the knowledge, you won't have the money for long.) While this seems a logical enough thought, politicians and their spouses can avoid both of these limitations as long as they have friends in the right places. How else do you explain the missus taking a thousand dollars, entrusting it to a friend and collecting one hundred thousand dollars or so. Of course this is small potatoes when you can write a book that explains nothing and removes some twenty or so dollars from the pocket of a million fans or so. Makes chicken plucking look tame.
Tyson foods - Behind every great politician is an investor that has his own interest at heart. So it is when Don Tyson was the Arkansas Chicken King. He should not be confused with the boxer that shares the same name, although their approach to success is pretty much the same; surround yourself with an adoring group that will overlook any of your obvious faults.
More chicken consumed than pork or beef or fish
- Credit farmers throughout the South with providing a product that has become more popular than beef or pork. Never mind that chicken sells for more than it's worth. When you pay some two dollars or more for a pound of chicken, remember that the bird converted corn and soybeans that cost about a nickel per pound into a product that is mostly water. Who gets all the money? Certainly not the grower who is lucky to see his end(s) covered.
Major export to Russia
- While we are concerned with our balance of payments and United States businesses are complaining about trade with China, there is one bright spot in the world market. Russians love our chicken - no wonder, it's sold cheap to them. If we could figure a way to re-import chicken from Russia like we re-import drugs from Canada, the household budget would be a lot closer to balance.
Chicken for Sunday dinner with all the fixings (and the minister to boot)
- In olden times, say back in the 1940's and 1950's chicken was the best of the best and reserved for Sunday dinner. And of course, having a guest for dinner was to be expected. In those times, consumption of chicken was at the level of ten pounds or so per capita per year. (Now it is sixty to seventy pounds, according to the Department of Agriculture.) Those chickens were mostly free range chickens that were raised by farmers that might have a hundred or so. Compare that to today's broiler producers (no longer called farmers) who have ten thousand or so in an individual house. (Which is why the chicken catcher and plucker becomes a part of this epistle.)
Free range chickens for eggs and meat
- That's the way it was and until you have crawled around under the house or up in a hay loft trying to find a hen's nest, you really can't appreciate the wiles of a hen who is intent on keeping her secret brood to her self. Of course she had her own interest in mind because if it was thought she was a slacker and not producing, she might just find herself invited to Sunday dinner. Thought of chicken and dumplings still makes the mouth water.
Fox in the hen house - Yes indeed there was, back on the farm, concern with a fox getting into the hen house. And the bad news was that once Brer Fox got into the house (more properly just a shed with a door that could be latched at night) he developed a blood lust and would kill many of the chickens. The farm dog had a responsibility to keep the fox away and kill him if he came near. In today's modern fables, it isn't the fox of old that we are concerned about, but individuals practiced in the art of accounting. And, of course the regulators, dogs that they are, seem to be asleep most of the time.
Chaucer's Chanticleer
- Geoffrey Chaucer knew human nature and perhaps his rooster was a stand-in for fops of the day. Certainly when praise is given, heads are turned and quick as a wink, the fox has got you again.
A pound of chicken produced from less than a pound of feed
- Sounds impossible until you consider how it's done. Corn and soybean mixed with just the right blend of vitamins, minerals, growth promoting substances, natural coloring agents to make the skin a golden yellow rather than the color of an accountant too long kept under his shade, perhaps an antibiotic or two and some synthetic chemicals that are "natural" enough since they are the same that Nature provides, are offered to the bird, to be eaten when he wants. Since a pound is a pound, and weight watchers are convinced it's true, when you eat a cookie, it goes straight to the waist, why shouldn't it be true for chicken (turkeys, ducks, geese take note) as well. But we all know there is inefficiency, entropy and the like to be reckoned with, and the bird has to play by the same rules.
Here's how he (and the broiler grower) beats the system. Those grains etc., are mostly dry-matter being about ninety percent solids and ten percent water. When the bird is finished, he (maybe the women libbers will like this - calling the bird a he, since we all know what his fate is) is mostly water, about 90 percent water and ten percent solids (muscle, skin, bones, blood, guts, feathers and substances you really don't want to know about). The conversion is actually pretty bad. At one hundred percent efficiency it would be possible to produce an eightyone pound bird with a pound of feed. Science has a long way to go.
Alligator tranquilizers
- Here's something that "Billy" Bartram could have really used in his traipsing around Florida. An aligator (as he called them) likes a square meal like all the rest of us and he just happened on the scene at feeding time. Had he been a little less successful in avoiding their advances, we would not have his records of the way the great Country was in the late seventeen hundreds. Smart keepers know that keeping "tame" alligators satisfied is by feeding them lots of chicken
Whistling girls and crowing hens, always come to a bad end.
This saying has a lot of truth to it. Announcement of her presence by crowing drew just enough attention to her so that the hen would be first on the list for dinner. If she was wasting time crowing she surely wasn't producing eggs which was what God put her there for. Draw your own conclusions about girls that whistle. Men who lived the gay life in days of old were called fops and had suitable companions called croquettes. These silly girls who in the eighteenth century were all ruffles and tuckers, plunging necklines and hair piled to the ceiling were the rage. The French, as in many other matters, have a better understanding of descriptive words than their English cohorts. Croquette is no doubt derived from French from the base word meaning to "crow," that is to utter shrill sounds expressive of delight, or perhaps to be boastful, and of course to humiliate oneself. And as Webster defined, "to utter the shrill cry of a cock" which brings us back to the whistling girl and crowing hen.
Hogs - the ultimate garbage disposer for dead chickens
- How else do you make hundreds of dead chickens disappear daily when you are in the business of producing tens of thousands of chickens. There's basically nothing wrong with these chickens; they just died of what in human terms might be defined as a premature death; but they become a big problem that must be faced each day. So, as friend Dick Phillips often said when referring to waste from the kitchen, "put it in the hog" which of course was the garbage disposer, and so it is with the broiler producer and his real "hog."
Hasn't scratched yet - Bon Ami
- The product, a mild abrasive, was (and is) promoted as gentle to the surface that needs to be cleaned. Like all solutions to life's problems, it's a matter of degree. And I doubt that Bartow's good city fathers, have scratched the surface of the problem of how to rid the community of chickens.
Oyster shells to make hen eggs
- Actually, the chicken folks were ahead of their time. They discovered that all those eggs that Mother Nature intended to be produced placed a major burden on the hen, and a good source of calcium that could go a long way toward meeting the requirements was a waste product from oyster producers. Now some fifty years later, we find this product in health stores for milady. She doesn't lay as many eggs as her avian counterpart but has the same needs for calcium. (Present company of the County Commissioners being excepted, one member does seem to lay a lot of eggs.)
Day old chicks for Easter
- In the past (at least in our country), stores around Easter, often had pretty little chicks, died all sorts of pinks and blues and greens. The chicken could always be eaten when it got to a suitable size. Can you imagine animal rights people's embracing this idea? Concerned individuals finally put a stop to this practice, denying children any association with chickens.
Chickens actually make fine pets; they bond with other animals, including man. But before you rush out and buy one, there is one problem you should consider - they aren't responsible when it comes to house keeping, the world is their litter box.
Sex - as it applies to chickens, the two finger approach or pin feathers
- There are essentially two groups of chickens; one grown for meat production and the other for eggs. Each is specially bred and as so often the case in today's society, there just is no place for the male in certain jobs. This is especially true when it comes to egg production, and since Nature seems to strive for equality, an equal number of male and female chicks are hatched. The male obviously can't lay eggs and is no of enough muscle mass to be desirable for meat production, so what to do with those who happen to be y-chromosome challenged? They get drowned or otherwise made to meet their maker early. Certainly it makes no economic sense to allow all those males, cockerels by name, to hang around until it is obvious that as they pass puberty, they are not of the female persuasion. It's better to send them to their fate at an early age. But how to do the selection process? Clever people these individuals that spend their time studying chickens. They discovered that there is actually a difference between the way the legs are attached to the body (an analogy can be drawn with our own breed of animal.) This difference, although slight in a day-old chicken can be sensed by some individuals who in days of old became pretty good at sexing chickens, with a success ratio of about 99 to 1. To be on the safe side, 19 out of 20 was acceptable. Once sexed, the chicks went on their way to their fate. Now that seems like a good business approach, but it is difficult to train chicken sexers and who wants that to be on their resume anyway. There was a need to find another way. It was determined that by careful breeding, day-old male chicks could be produced that would have pin feathers while the female would not. These pin feathers, as distinguished from the fuzzy down usually seen made it easy to spot the males. Alas, this still didn't solve the problem of what to do with that half of the population, a problem still to be addressed.
Fighting cocks
- Some individuals just seem to have disagreeable dispositions. In sports this is rewarded, so it is with those that enjoy a good cockfight. This sport is not for those with queasy stomachs, it gets really bloody (not unlike the game of war). As in war, it is desired to inflict the greatest amount of injury on the opponent, so it is with cockfighting; participants are outfitted with metal spurs to increase damage. (As chickens reach maturity, they develop a good sized projection on the back of the leg which aptly enough is called a spur, so man in his inimitable way is just helping the process.) Nature may well have intended spurs for fighting, not unlike horns on deer during rut.
Bantam roosters
- In the barnyard it is observed that these small fowl are very aggressive. In a way the term has been used to refer to small pugnacious men, but is seen as sexist, discriminatory and a perhaps a good way to earn a punch in the nose.
How to make chickens lay more eggs
- An old recipe has been discovered in a mid 1800's book. Feeding chickens chili peppers was claimed to increase egg production. Sort of a "Spanish Fly" effect, which is reappearing in tv advertisements directed at the human breed of animal, nowadays.
"Ways to skin a cat"
- As it turns out there are several ways to skin a cat and when it comes to making a bird kitchen ready, there is a way of avoiding the feather mess. Hunters of quail and dove long ago discovered that skinning the bird was a lot easier than plucking feathers. The same applies to chicken. All that is necessary is to make an incision along the breast, pull the skin away, and then with a sharp tug the carcass emerges clean as a whistle. Cutting the head and feet off finishes the job and you have a bird now ready for de-entrailng and the kitchen.
Playing Chicken
- A game has evolved which requires two combatants to take a position and then charge head-long at one another. The one that swerves at the last moment is the "chicken." Boys (and maybe some girls) have played the game for years with bikes. As they grow older, some use the family car for the same game. And when they get much older they play the game only then they are often times national leaders. Perhaps JFK was romancing the idea when he said, "We were eyeball to eyeball and the other side blinked." (Maybe this isn't the direct quote, but the meaning is clear.) While it is easy to assume that this is a game devised and enjoyed by the current generation, it is good to revisit the days of knighthood when jousting was in vogue. In the book, The Once and Future King, a joust between King Pellinore and Sir Knight Grumoore is well described. Members of Congress play the game to pretty much the same effect as did T. H. White's combatants; that is after the fray they pick themselves up and go off together on fact finding missions to foreign lands.
Fresh Chicken
- Everyone is gratified to note that the chicken sold at the market is labeled, "fresh." It takes a governmental agency to decide exactly what this means, and as usual with regulations intended to protect the public, there is room for playing with words. That chicken sold as fresh has supposedly not been frozen, other than that, just how fresh is subjective. Fresh chicken has been iced or chilled to prevent spoilage, and here is the neat trick the provider plays on the unsuspecting buyer. If the chicken is kept in icey water, there will be no product shrinkage and perhaps even a bit of gain in weight. (Ever note the amount of bloody drippings that are kept in that little pad of paper in the bottom of the tray.) This may not seem like much, but if a package of chicken weights a bit over two pounds, say 1000 grams and if say some 10 grams of water just happened to go along for the ride (that really is a negligible amount you say) then so what. When chicken sells for two dollars a pound you just paid about four dollars for your "fresh" chicken and about a nickel of that was for water! When you consider that we consume some fifteen billion pounds of chicken every year, one percent of that is one hundred and fifty million pounds of water, sold to the public at two dollars a pound. Clever; these poultry and egg people.
Rubber chickens
- Where the idea came from or what was the intent, is unknown to me. Certainly the novelty of a rubber chicken amuses everyone and a bunch of them are sold. If you visit a meat market in some areas, you see a real life example of rubber chickens (and you don't have to go to a lesser developed country.)
A rabbit is a chicken
- We began with the good commissioners of Bartow Florida trying to define a chicken as anything but a bird, and we end with another government body trying to figure out what to do with rabbits. One of the major rabbit producing areas of the United States is in Arkansas, home of Tyson Foods. When it became necessary to develop rules and regulations for the slaughter and handling of rabbits, it seemed easy to just modify those that apply to chickens and use them for rabbits. So if in reading the regulations, you come across something about gizzards, just remember the mullet story and mark it up to another successful bureaucratic solution.
How to amuse a child with a chicken feather
- A small child can be entertained for a time by putting a dab of honey on the index finger of each hand and then sticking a feather to the finger. It's almost impossible to get rid of the feather as the child will discover.
The white stuff in chicken droppings
- If someone happens to ask what that is in the black and white world of chicken excrement, you need to have a ready answer. In the evolution of birds, conservation of water became essential, especially if sea-going, yet elimination of waste as a body function is necessary. The bird solved this by a neat trick; waste nitrogenous products would be made essentially water insoluble and therefore could be concentrated and excreted along with unadsorbed food material. Uric acid is what appears as the white stuff, an alternative to urea which mammals excrete.
Don't Count Your Chickens Before They're Hatched
- An old saying with a new meaning. Just ask anyone who invested in the stock market, or perhaps has some CD's that are paying one or two percent.
Wishing on the Pulley Bone
- Don't know where this originated, but it sure didn't bode well for the chicken. There are some whose only wish is that they get the biggest part of the bone and therefore get their wish. Or said differently; "Be careful what you wish for."
Chicken song
- It's said that all good things must come to an end, and so it is with our discourse on chickens. Sometimes in1980 or so, a song was performed, that included all sorts of barnyard sounds, not the least was that of chickens in all their glory. These same performers gave us the haircut song, a little ditty about the human cannon ball, the dos-and-don't of wrestling, and other timely treats. Of course Ray Stevens of Nashville was the source.
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sjmahtrow
8/2/03