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"Miles Peterson was a man who had it all: Wealth, Status, Success. Still, something was lacking. Then, in his darkest hour, the word of a single book gave Miles Peterson the burning desire to know God. Now, transformed by the Word of the Lord and empowered by His strength, Miles Peterson lives out a pledge to fight evil in the name of God, under the identity of the Mighty Avenger of Truth known as Bibleman!"
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...and so begins the holy tale of Bibleman! With his "sword of spirit," his "helmet of salvation," and his "breastplate of righteousness," Miles Peterson (played by a formerly washed up & reborn Willie Aames, Scott Baio's best bud of Charles in Charge and Zapped! fame), along with his occasional sidekicks Coats (played by Who Gives a Shit), Cypher (played by Replacement for Who Gives a Shit) and Biblegirl (played by Cute Young Chick Meant to Improve Little Girl Demographic), fights evil in the name of Our Lord and Savior, quoting scripture as his primary weapon against a multitude of incredibly ridiculous villains (many of which are various aliases of the shows main villain, Luxor Spawndroth) in a series of home videos and live tour shows (which are, of course, primarily aimed at child audiences, the most naturally impressionable market of all).
Of the several colorful villains Bibleman must do battle with in the name of selling Christianity, many of them include:
The Fibbler, who possesses the dastardly, unspeakable power of, uh... telling a fib!
The Gossip Queen, who uses her gossip spreading ability and "beams of bitterness" to keep children from praying!
Shadow of Doubt, who likes to cast spells on children discouraging them from their faith!
Master of Misery, who attempts to steal joy from children's hearts!
Dr. Fear, the fearful doctor of making you fear! With fear!
El Furioso, who spreads fury and rage across the globe with his newest creation, "gold fury dust"!
Prince of Pride, who has the ability to inflate your ego using his mega-volt ego-enhancing ray!
Luxor Spawndroth, who basically plays every above previously mentioned villain who ISN'T a chick!
And finally, Ludicrous, Luxor Spawndroth's incredibly useless sidekick of incredible uselessness!
I don't think I have to tell you what your average Bibleman episode is like; it's pretty much what you would expect from a show starring a former cokehead who prances about in a purple and yellow outfit made of low-grade vinyl, wielding around a very plastic light saber as he attempts to teach children the power of the supposedly unquestionable gospel. Based on the beliefs of the Good Book, many of the views presented on the show will naturally come off seeming fairly judgmental, although the entire affair actually manages to become mind numbingly worse once the silly superhero novelty wears off and your brain's self defense mechanism kicks in as it attempts to deflect the headache inducing brainwashing rays of unabashed Christianity.
Originally created in 1996 as The Bibleman Show, production on the obviously very low budget series continues to this day, with brand new videos and a live nationwide tour done a couple times every year or so. Of course, people who are unable to either purchase the videos or attend the live shows can still sample a taste of the religious insanity firsthand by visiting the official Bibleman website. Oh, and while you're at it, don't forget to take the "Combat Manual" quiz to see if you qualify to kick ass for the Lord:
Somehow, I managed to score a 5 out of 7 on my first try, and I didn't even read the damn questions. Righteous!
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