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over five years of evolution and yet no true progression. every day i wake up and feel as though i'm back where i started, continually running in place, like a hamster who wonders why he isn't getting anywhere as he runs in his wheel. i've often wondered if maybe i'm doing this to myself on purpose without actually realizing it. i've never been able to figure it out for sure, because when i think, i drink. and when i drink, about 12 hours later i find myself lying on my bedroom floor, face down in a ripped open bag of stale doritos with cocoa puffs stuck up my nose and my hand down my pants. it's a never-ending cycle.
to be perfectly honest, i sometimes feel as though maintaining this website is a pointless venture; i've got nothing significant to say and i'm certainly not looking to entertain people in a vain attempt to be popular and funny, because i would only fall flat on my face. so i let updates fall by the wayside as a result. one frequent visitor suggested that i might be "spiritually lost." just what the hell does that mean, anyway? if i'm mentally lost, would i be retarded? if i'm physically lost, would i be christopher reeve? har har; fall flat on face, burn in hell. the only thing that seems to keep me working on this website is what i believe may be a possibly subconscious need to be creative and actually do something with myself. but then i start to think about it and drink around it and, well, we know where that leads to...
one positive side effect is that i've actually met a lot of surprisingly interesting individuals through this website, and have inadvertently gotten involved in quite a few unique friendships. sure, i usually end up saying or doing something stupid that makes them go away, but they seem fun while it lasts. well, most of them anyway. it's a unique situation. the people i've met and have become friends with online, i don't think i would have ever become friends with in the "real world." hell, a couple of us barely get along even when online; too much personality clash and not enough tolerance.
i've moved the website again. change your links and bookmarks or whatever. and i've dumped most of its contents in a much needed attempt to trim the fat. select shitty high school articles have been converted into basic journal entries; text, image, or special, depending on type. some of them seem to work better that way. audio and video files have been trashed to keep things simple. everything else has been thrown out because i just don't care enough to bother.
i was originally named after my grandfather on my father's side; a man who climbed into and (somehow) managed to get himself trapped inside a wooden barrel, much like the ones you would normally see in pirate-themed serials, and resulting in my teenaged father and uncle having to bust him out using an axe, likely with little regard for their own father's actual well-being. i look forward to the day i'll have to wield an axe to save my father from whatever ridiculous situation he'll somehow manage to get himself into, although i might be looking forward to it for all the wrong reasons.
updates to follow as they come. do not always mistake laziness for lack of interest. i've led a trite and meaningless life. and this website is a reflection of that. not that it bothers me; i've got nothing better to do. maybe you don't either. doesn't matter. your choice. enjoy the show.
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