This year, I aimed to have a lot of fun. I thought 'I want to enjoy everything, without thinking too deeply about anything. (laugh), and I think I was able to do that. Because of that, I feel as though I enjoyed everything, wether it was work, or play, or time off. And spiritual, I was very stablized. Also, lately I've come to feel again that I'm pretty tough. I convinced myself of that point this year. Last year, I have a lot of desires like 'I want to go there.', 'I want to be like that.', and I felt 'I wonder if I'm tough?', and this year I thought 'I am.' I thought 'I'll do things that way I want to.', and and I have, yes.
'Do things the way you want' was like a theme for me. Often, I tend to retreat, or to just grin and bear things, but, I think if that happens too often, you can't feel good about what's happening. When I think 'I want to do this', since I'm thinking it, I should just go.(laugh) Even if I fail, I should just do it! Only....now I have too many things I want to do, so I'm worrying 'Which should I do first?' A happy worry? Yes, it is. So, lately I've been thinking to do things slowly, one by one. I think that that way things will make the most impression. Because if I did everything all at once now, I'd end up doing it all half-heartedly.... Rather than thinking 'I'll make it so I can do this right now', I want to clear one thing at a time, thinking 'I'd like to be able to do this 2 years later.' or 'In several years I'll....' Although, I'm very greedy, so I really want to do everything now. (laugh).
I was talking to Li-chan, and we were saying 'Lately, everything's been a lot of fun' Why? Umm....I think it's because we understand that for us, what we think is best is the result of doing what we want to do. Rather than doing this while having doubts and ending up with a good result, doing what we want to do... I think that we've fufilled the fact that even if things are really hard, and we have a lot of things to worry about, everything we think about and do is fun. Before, I thought, 'If everyone [else]says it's good, then that's okay. It's fine that way, for sure.', but now my own will is important to me. But this isn't especially the reason things have been 'fun', really. Rather than, 'Because we had something', or 'It was fun because we went here.', the mood, and feelings are good everyday. (laugh)
Feelings that we'll be hurt is it's not fun? Oh, I do have those kind of feelings. I think I do have feelings that it's not interesting it I don't myself feel 'Let's enjoy this all.' So I'm always hyper and pumped up, no matter where I am. (laugh). But I think it's all about little things. And since those 'little things' have accumulated, I'm able to have this fun time now. Oh! Also, I think it was because we had a concert! I feel like we'll be doing concerts this whole year. We have our tour, and then lots of events....Because it's becoming a basic. After all, concerts are where we can confirm various things about ourselves, they're the place we like most of all, they're the place where we can express ourselves more, and really shine....I really feel like a tour is a basic of each year. Because we, MAX think of our own concert, our stages as a treasure.
I want to be strong, but I never want to be thick headed. I think that that's because I really feel like I can be depressed by something....and I can also think 'well, it's fine this way.', and become comfortable. I cry a lot, but I've come to think that rather than holding them back, and just bearing it all, it's best to let your feeling out with all your might. Last I focused on defense, but last year I've changed to offensive? Yeah, I think that's really true. For example, if I ran up against something, I just bore it, I was mistaken that 'the one who takes it all' was strongest. But maybe it's more like 'The one that gets hurt is sometimes the strongest.' Because they go up against whatever it is even knowing they'll be hurt. I think that I maybe have done that last year. Some parts of myself I don't like come out, but oh well. (laugh) I think that it's more interesting if my feelings are that way. To tell the truth, I was really a person of really strong emotions. But I thought of that as the part of myself I hated the most, so I always supressed them.
So I think that's why I've been able to become comfortable just being me. I mean, I'm me, and this is the way I am... I guess you could say I've become true to myself. Um...there are times when you talk to yourself, right? And you try to persuade yourself of things. But now I don't tell myself to do things, or persaude myself like that now.
Because to do that is to try to lie to yourself.
About Takushi Nanako, who's grown to think this way? Uh.... Let's see... I'm childish. (laugh) And I want to be babied, and I am. Even now, people tell me 'You make people baby you too much.', but....I want to be babied more. (laugh) Might that be because I've come to be able to entrust things to others? Oh! I think so. Because I didn't like leaving things to other people, I want to do everything myself, and I tried to. Lately I've come to ask favors of people, a lot. Even if it's a tiny thing that I would have done by myself, I leave if to someone else, or ask someone else to do it. People do still say that I'm stubborn, and that I pretend to be strong sometimes, but...(laugh)
Also....I'm very curious, I always want to be a challenger, and I eat a lot. (laugh) And I guess I have a lot of failure stories...(laugh)