Unfortunatly, the following story is not true. But God knows it should be.
Battle #21: Damn Yankees
Player name: Roger Clemens [0-5,928]
Grrr, that jerk Mike Piazza is up! How dare he hit grand slams off my pitches? I'm a former Cy Young award winner, that's not supposed to happen to me! I'll show him!
Go! BASEBALL!
PIAZZA sent out BAT!
BASEBALL's morale greatly fell!
Stop crying like that, it's not like I'm going to throw you over the plate or something. I'm just going to show what a dirty, cheating bum I am by throwing you at his head.
BASEBALL used BEAN!
It's super effective!
PIAZZA fainted!
Yeah, I'm the man! Now maybe everyone will forget the fact that I haven't had a winning record since I came to this team yet and I should retire.
DEREK BELL appeared!
DEREK BELL is calling you words that I wish I could use here, but am bound by ESRB laws not to!
Uh oh, I'm in trouble. Maybe if I ignore him like a big sissy, I might get out of this without getting beat up.
BELL wants to fight!
Clemens wants to run!! Yikes!
Couldn't escape!
I thought I could avoid getting hit by anything because of the American League's sissy designated hitter rules. This is not good!
BELL used ATTACK SO VICIOUS AND HORRIBLE IT IS BEYOND WORD'S ABILITY TO DESCRIBE!
CLEMENS face was pounded to jelly!
I'm dying, and I had so many washed-up careers to live for...
UMPIRE appeared!
An umpire? Thank God! The Yankees are the greatest team ever, so the umpires have to give us every single cheap call!
BOBBY VALENTINE used SNEAK ATTACK!
UMPIRE fainted!
Noooooooooooooooooo...
CLEMENS is attempting to CRAWL back to the YANKEES DUGOUT!
Please...coach...help me...
TORRE: Why should I? You sucked both years you were on my team! Even worse, I lost David Wells because of you! Now get out of my face, I need to go justify putting Jeter on the All-Star team ahead of several more talented players.
Could this be the death of the world's greatest pitcher?
BELL: Considering you're the only pitcher that is dying right now, I would have to say no.
CLEMENS died!
All FANS and PLAYERS rejoiced!
METS won!
Like I said, this isn't what really happened. Which is furthur proof that the world does, indeed, suck. Thanks you, and good night.