Its the weekend! After a long hard week at school you're looking forward to putting your feet up and lazing around the house - but oh no! Your mum and dat don't want you to lie around watching "SMTV" on a Saturday morning - they've got other plans!! They'll either drag you down to the local Sainsbury's to help with the shopping or have you hoovering the house at 10.00 in the morning - or (and this is the one you really hate) they'll ask you to baby-sit your younger brothers and sisters while they "do a few things." I hear you all moaning, "they just don't understand that I've got a life" I need a little freedom to spend some time having fun and relaxing." How many times do we cry, "Oh, Mum...!" or sigh a big "tut!" every time our parents ask us to do something? Be honest!
Do our parents really have the right to demand all this from us! The Qur'an tells us the type of attitude we should have towards our parents. Allah says:
"And your Lord has ordered that you worship none but Him, and that you be dutiful to your parents. If either of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them, but speak to them kindly. And serve them with tenderness and humility and say, "My Lord, have mercy on them, just as they cared for me as a little child."
[17: 23-24]
In this verse, Allah commands us to worship none but Him. This means that only Allah is worthy of our worship and that we should only try to please Him. Pleasing Allah means that every moment of every day we live, we should not only remember Him, but also love Him, obey His commands and be aware that He is watching us all the time. This verse continues to tell us that Allah has also ordered us to be kind to our parents.
So what have we learnt so far? Well, we must love Allah the most and, yes our parents are important! Allah's command is clear - that we be dutiful and kind to our parents. We may ask why? well think about it. Our parents are the ones who have protected us, cared for us and loved us from the day we were born. For all this - do they not deserve our kindness? Allah's order in this verse shows that we owe our parents this kindness and care.
In this verse, Allah also says that even when they reach old age we should not be rude to them to speak to them in a way that will hurt them, but treat them with respect and honour, look after them, and always be at their serve. This is how Allah wants us to behave towards our parents.
So often we are impatient and ungrateful to our parents, particularly when they have reached old age. Rather than thinking that our parents are 'getting in the way' we should try our best to be more patient with them. We should always be conscious that Allah is watching us, so that we are not only more careful with the words we use when speaking to them, but also try to be more sensitive to their needs.
This verse goes on to say that we should serve them with "tenderness" and with "humility". This means we should be gentle towards our parents and not be puffed up with pride, thinking we are more important than them. We should admit the mistakes we make towards our parents and change ourselves if we are not being fair towards them.
Finally, we are told to call upon Allah and say "My Lord have mercy on them (my parents) just as they cared for me as a little child."
We should always pray to Allah, no matter what age we are, to have mercy on our parents, to guide them and bless them and forgive them for their mistakes. We cannot forget that our parents cared for us then we were babes and they continue to care for us in every way as we are growing up. In return, Allah has ordered us to serve, obey, and show kindness towards them. We are told to do this because it is pleasing to Allah and because our parents can feel we are grateful for all that they have done for us.
There are times when we should not obey our parents, that is, if our parents ask us to disobey Allah. However, even if we have to disobey them, Islam, our way of life, teaches us to be fair and just to them. We must still care for them if we can and honour them as our parents.
Allah says in the Qur'an that if our parents force us to worship anything else besides Allah, then we are not to obey them but "bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration)" [31: 15]
The position of the mother in Islam is very high. No doubt many of us will have heard the saying of the Prophet Muhammad (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) that �Paradise lies at the feet of your mother.� [an-Nasa�i]
You may ask what does this hadith mean? It means that if we serve, care and show respect to our mothers, we will be brought nearer to gaining a place in Paradise (Jannah), insha'Allah.
Think about it. Our mothers carried us for nine long months and gave birth to us � this knowledge in itself should be enough for us to show gratitude and kindness to them throughout our lives. Allah says in the Qur'an;
"And we made it a duty for man to be good to his parents. His mother bears him with one fainting spell after another, while his weaning takes two years. Thank Me as well as your parents; towards Me lies the goal." [31: 14]
It is important that we realise that no one can replace the love of our mothers for it is with them we have our very first link. Islam requires that we give our mothers the honour and status they deserve. To show how important this is a man once asked the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam):
�O Messenger of Allah! Who deserves the best care from me?� The Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said, �Your mother.� The man asked �Who then?� The Prophet said, �Your mother.� The man asked once more, �Who then?� The Prophet then said, �Your father.� [Sahih al-Bukhari]
So parents have certain rights over their children! But what about the rights of children?
As children, we have the right to be loved, cared for, respected and Islamically educated. It is the duty of our parents to provide us with this care, support, understanding and guidance so that we may grow up with good Islamic personalities. It is Islam which has given these rights to us and parents should act on them. Indeed the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said �Be careful of your duty to Allah and be fair and just to your children.� [Sahih al-Bukhari]
In Islam, boys and girls are equal in the eyes of Allah. �Boys� are not more important as some Muslims believe. Rather, there is the reward of Paradise for parents who can raise one or two girls by educating them Islamically to full age. Islam therefore gives rights to both parents and children.
The message of Islam is very clear and fair � we should be kind, fair, loving and respectful towards our parents. They have given us so much, more than we may realise. So we should appreciate their kindness and treat them with honour.
Let us remember that even if our parents have passed away, we should pray for them. For Prophet Muhammad (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said that the prayer of a good Muslim child is one thing that can benefit a dead person.
As Muslims, our purpose in life is to serve and worship Allah in our day-to-day life by following the Qur�an and Sunnah. Both parents and children should be looking to these sources to make sure they are carrying out their duties in the correct way. By showing kindness and honour to our parents we are worshipping Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta�ala) and getting closer to Him, insha�Allah.
So next time we sigh a big �tut!� when our parents ask us of something or we think we can�t wait to leave home at sixteen, or even if the thought of backbiting concerning our parents crosses our minds, we should remember our duty as Muslims to Allah and to our parents and be grateful to both.
Finally, a hadith of Prophet Muhammad (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) on which both parents and children need to reflect:
�He is not one of us who has no compassion for our little ones and does not honour our old ones.� [at-Tirmidhi]
