| 01 Feb. 2001 - 8 Shevat 5761 "Many designs are in man's heart, but the counsel of Hashem, only it will prevail" I am 24 years old, of French nationality, and have been living in the UK for the past 18 months. It has been just about that long that I've first thought about converting to Judaism, out of a ten-year long interest, and I would say about a year that I have felt as a sure thing it was the right path for me. The first time I set foot in Israel, it was love at first sight. I know I want to live there at some point in my life, and I would like my children to grow up there, in a Jewish land and in a Jewish environment, surrounded by the history of their people. There is not much I don't like about Israel; I love its diversity, the light it bathes in, its peoples, its history too, despite its ups and down. And I have rarely been as moved as I was when I touched the Kotel for the first time� So, why not move to Israel and convert there, I thought? So I started searching on the subject� and found very little. I will skip the process, but what I found was that the only "public" option available to a non-Israeli was to do an "ulpan giyur" (conversion class), almost exclusively available in some of the few religious kibbutzim. When I first learnt about the kibbutz programmes, I started investigating to find more information about them (what was available on the web was not very detailed). There was one thing I knew, though: even if what I found pleased me and made it sound like a very good option, I would not be joining this programme for a while, a year at least. There is one main reason to this: I do not believe one can learn enough in five or six or eight months to be able to knowingly accept the yoke of mitzvot in front of a Beith Din. Although I want to convert more than anything in the world, I also want to do it in the right way and with the proper intentions. I want more time -- more time for learning, taking things slowly and making sure I have understood them and their "reasons" well enough, so that I will never have to say "I didn't know what it meant and implied". True, I also wish it wouldn't be 10 years before I rise from the mikveh as a Jewish woman. But there has to be an average. HaShem has been very kind to me, all my life. He has blessed me with loving parents and siblings, with caring friends, with a decent living and with many other things which make me say I would not change my life for that of anybody else. But most of all, He has blessed me with faith, and that is the greatest gift of all. In many ways, I also consider the fact that I wasn't born a Jew a wonderful gift, for it allows me to make the choice today, the choice that I feel is best for me. I will not be a Jew because I was born one. I will be someone who has chosen Judaism, someone who has recognised it at the right path for herself. I guess that is why so many converts call their conversion process a homecoming. In a way, I would call it a wedding. Yes, I'm on my way home, although I know it will take time for me to arrive. And yes, there will probably be moments again when I feel overwhelmed and lost, moments when I cry, moments when I feel I am never going to make it. Yet, with His guidance, I am convinced I will make it. This, I *know* from deep down within me, like I don't think I have ever known anything before. And one beautiful day, my voice will join that of Ruth to declare: "For wherever you go, I will go. Wherever you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your G~d will be my G~d." Be'ezrat HaShem... -- Kitty. |
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| Kitty can be contacted at [email protected] |