Funny Quotes
Here are some of my favorite funny quotes that I have gathered over the years.
"Remember that everybody makes fun of a redneck until their car breaks down."
"Scattered F-ing showers my ass!" - Noah
"Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics."
"Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good."
"After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done."
"Welders have hotter rods."
"Firemen: Find 'em hot and leave 'em wet."
"Honk if you don't give a damn!" - bumper sticker
"Damn Muki! Did you leave the stove on?" - Tim Wilson
"My folks think I'm in school."
"Man who walks through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok."
"Chevy Trucks, Harley Davidsons and blonds - I only ride the best."
"Hondas are like tampons - every pussy has one."
"OH MY GOD! The Click Bugs are everywhere. HELP!"
"If you don't like my truck smile as you go under."
"Yeah, so maybe my neck is a little red, but I am damn proud of it."
"May you live as long as you want to and may you want to as long as you live."
"Trust in God, but lock your truck."
"Speed kills, drive slow, get a Honda."
"Vegitarian: Old indian word for "bad hunter"."
"I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left."
"Remember to use ALL fingers when waving at a policeman."
"Son, the good Lord was riding with you during the accident, but if you don't learn to drive better he's gonna find somebody else to ride with." - My Dad
"Honk if you've never seen an uzi fired from a car window" - bumper sticker
"Hell yes I'm drunk! What do you think I am, a stunt driver?" - bumper sticker
"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles."
"Even Mason and Dixon had to draw the line somewhere."
"I eat hondas for breakfast."
"Anyone with a lick of sense knows you cannot make good bbq and comply with health codes."
"Hey! I smell a big n tasty. Would that be my burger you are referring to or something else?"
"I was madder than a three legged dog tryin to bury a turd on an icy lake!" - Larry The Cable Guy
"I was more frustrated than a legless Ethieopian watchin a doughnut roll down a hill!" - Larry The Cable Guy