The Stars and Bars.
As many of you know, this week has marked my return to school, and that means its time to decorate my room ghetto style to piss off my roommates because they always have to have the room looking like it's an upper east side appartment in New York. Also i must retain my unique superpimp god of underground rebellion style in the decoration of my room. As the rebellion is the last adjective before the word "style" in that phrase, it is thus very very important, and thus I have procured one of the ultimate symbols of rebellion, a symbol of a revolt against the very country in which we live.....
The Stars and Bars.
Now, the Stars and Bars have gotten a lot of bad press, and, in fact, many people associate this beautiful symbol of rebellion as a sybmol of racism. Now, I ain't no racist, I hate all people, regardless of their skin color or ethnicity. But it bothers me that, because this symbol is now associated with Southern Pride and Racism, people see it and are shocked and outraged. No, I'm sorry, that doesn't bother me, I sort of like that. It bothers me that people assume I'm a racist, mainly because I'm not, I'm just anti-American.
So, because I wanted to write at least one article my first week back here, I'm gonna explain just why I do have a Confederate flag up in my room...
Yeah, I'm sorry to tell you all, but the Civil War was not us northerners feeling so compassionate about the slaves in the south that we decided to fight a bloody war with our own country to free them. I know that history class has taught us all that we up in the north were all paragons of virtue who taught those heathen slave loving southerners what for, but thats because the winners write the history books.
In reality, when Abe Lincoln was elected president, the South was greatly upset, mainly because Lincoln was a Republican, and the Republicans were known for their support in the north. The South, fed up with being the asshole of the United States, decided to secede.
The reason that the Civil War is known for slavery is because Lincoln reputedly freed the slaves. Most people fail to state, however, that Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation freed only the slaves in THE SOUTH. Yes, in the north, people were allowed to continue having slaves. This was not to help the slaves, it was more to punish the southerners, who, by the way, had seceded already and thus didn't give a fuck what Honest Abe had to say about their slaves.
The Civil war was, in fact, fought over the states' rights theory versus the federal rights' theory. For those of you not well versed in the world of 18th century politics, I will explain. The States' Rights Theory says that each state has power over itself, and the federal government has secondary control of it. The Federal Rights Theory states that the federal government has power over the states. Damn, I feel like I'm writing a paper (what does that say about my paper writing skills?).
The reason I fly a Confederate flag is because the war between the states was, by far, the most successful rebellion against the government of the United States ever. Yes, I admit, it was defeated, but it was far more successful than, say the Whiskey Rebellion, which was just a bunch of farmers who didn't want to pay the tax on beer. The Stars and Bars is the most known symbol of revolution our country has, and thats why I have one, proudly waving in my room.
It has other uses as well, I think. For the past few days, I have been freaking out because the powers that be here at college have bequeathed upon my room a new roommate who none of us knew anything about, whom I have dubbed "the Mystery Freshman." No, I have no evidence that he is a Freshman, but thats what I call him. Anyway, when we came in from lunch, some of his stuff had been moved in, but later, when we came in for dinner, it was notoriosly absent, signifying in my mind, at least, that he was driven away by something. Something like a Confederate flag, which easily offends people who don't have rebellious ideas.
So, in a short, possibly witty summation of everything I have just said: Fly the Stars and Bars, they symbolize rebellion against both the government and society.
And, in a quotable quote: "You know, if the South had won the civil war, it would be called the Second American Revolution."
--Scuba Steve, August 24, 2001