This picture is completely ficticious. How do I know? Those people are smiling.
Recently (read as this weekend) I had the honor of escorting my girlfriend to PennDot, the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation, so she could take the test for her learner's permit. To all who care, and you better, else I'll kill you, she got her permit, and soon enough she will be driving up to visit me at this hell where I presently live. Anyway, sitting in line at the DMV got me thinking, there should be stuff there to amuse me while I wait, and since there isn't, I will write up a list of things people can do for fun while here. It's astounding the clarity of the things I think, don't you think?
(1) Try to buy other people's number's off of them. This way you'll get to the front of the line faster, and you get to try your hand at wheelin' and dealin', and you can later use these skills on ebay or in a lucritive crack-cocaine dealership.
(7) Sell your number to others. Basically this way works the same as number one. On the flipside, though, you can always try to buy numbers off of people and then sell them at a profit. This especially works if you take advantage of people with a limited grasp of English.
(13) Take as many numbers as possible. Amounts greater than 10 are a plus on this one. This way, everyone who comes in sees a far higher number, and thinks they're gonna have to wait for a good extra hour or so. This is mainly good to make other people worry, which equals good clean spiteful fun.
(17) Whenever a number flashes up on the number board, jump up and yell out "BINGO!!". Repeat this until you have annoyed nearly everyone in the building. Look disappointed when no one gives you a prize.
(19) Whenever the bell rings, signifying a change in number, run to the door, and open it. Look all around, and when no one is there, scream out loudly, "You damn kids! I know your parents!"
(26) Offer to quiz someone who is getting ready to take the written part of the exam. Here is the dialogue you should use.... This is golden funny..
You: "What does a red light mean?"
Them: "Stop."
You: "What does a green light mean?"
Them: "Go."
You: "What does a yellow light mean?"
Them: "Slow down."
You: "WHAT...... DOES..... A....... YELLOW...... LIGHT...... MEAN?
Them: [walks away in disgust.]
(33) Talk to someone nearby and speak only in a foreign language. Carry on a whole conversation with them. If you dont know any foreign languages, then just make one up. Chances no one will be able to tell, and even if they can, that will annoy them more.
(36) Try to cheat on the written exam. Especially the simple questions like "What does a red octagonal sign with the letters S, T, O, and P mean?" Ask people until you get thrown out. Then see #9.
(39) Get thrown out, then come right back in. Cite something about it being public property and they have no right to keep you out. Make up specific supreme court cases supporting your cause. If anyone claims that the cases are nonexistant, question their education.
(44) Claim to be from the main office in the capital. Tell people at random that they're fired or that they're promoted. Sign official documents. Revoke people's liscences on a whim.
(46) Wait til after your number is called, and then the next one is called as well, then try to get service at a desk with your expired ticket.
(49) If you're there to pay a ticket, pay in rolls of pennies, or even better, just plain out pennies. Make sure they spill at least twice.
(53) Steal from people. This is fun wherever you go. Especially here, though, because everybody's already angry and fed up just to be standing in line at the stupid DMV.
(69) Smoke pot before taking the liscence test.
(75) Hit on the person behind the counter. Be it male or female. Better yet, hit on one of each.
(87) Doodle on your important papers. This is especially good if you write little anti-American messages, like "the government is the devil" on them.
(101) Can't think of anymore. good thing this is 101.... heh..... yeah...
101 is the number after 16, I guess.
--Scuba Steve, February 19, 2001