A bit ago there was quite a stir in my room. It appears that while I removed myself from the vicinity to go do "better things," there was quite the drunken party that went down in my room. Naturally, being inquisitive, I wanted to know what happened, and get the story from one of the numerous people who I know were there. The problem with this, however, was that everyone was too drunk to remember the whole night. After pondering this for quite a few seconds, I determined that no matter how drunk each person was, collectively they must remember the whole night, and thus I began my interviewing process. I have collected statements from a number of people, and will now relay them to you in the order that pleases me. Know that I will not wrap this up for you, you will have to read all of the accounts and draw your own conclusions. So welcome to the world of drunken stories....
Murph (Rocky)
Murph was quite trashed that fateful night. So trashed in fact that all of his memories fit on one post it note. Yeah, exactly. Here comes Part 1: Murph's Story.
Friday:
Megan's Story
After getting Murph's version of the story, my quest for knowledge was not abated. I Needed to find out exactly what the hell went on while I was gone, and wy the hell Murph's ankle was swollen. Realizing that Murph was a fucking lush and remembered nothing at all, I decided to get the skinny from another source, thus, Part 2: Megan's Story.
THE END
P.S.-Murph says "I'm really drunk, but I'm gonna tell you this anyway..."
Miles' Night
Next source of information, the fifth roommate, Miles. Miles is the fifth roommate very much like that one guy was the fifth Beatle: He's my roommate in all but the most official sense. Anyway, Miles was personable enough to grace me with his own recountance of the night, and that is Part 3: Miles' Story.
Then it was about 10:00 pm. The new people that were here included Jon, Bill, Whit, Meg, Jen, 2 people I don;t know.... and oh yeah, BECKY! (sung to the tune of Auld Lang Sine):
She drank every beer that wasn't nailed down, includign mine. For example, I took a sip of a full bottle, went to pee, came back, and she had drank it all on me. Whit had a beer stolen from between his legs by her. Megs and Spatz had entered the room at that point. The beer supply had run dry, so out came the absolute vodka. BUT THERE WAS NO SALT! I mentioned that there was salt in my room, so Terry and I ventured up the 3 flights of stairs, barely. When we got there, Drummer Boy and Lynn were sitting on his bed. I think Lynn was trying to get somewhere with him, but little did she know how hard THAT would be... While I looked for the salt Terry sang. We went back downstairs with salt in hand.
Murph showed me how to do the shot. The whole room gathered to witness my first shot. I licked my hand, Murph attempted to put some salt on it, but he was too drunk to realize that there was plastic keeping the salt in the shaker. I called him a moron and informed him that there was plastic on the skaker. The shot was done, side by side with Becky, of course. Spatz shook my hand and said congratulations. After that I sat in Scuba's chair for about 15 minutes, before saying, "I think I'm gonna take a little nap." I then proceeded to take a nap in the middle of the floor. I woke up about 5 minutes later and Terry gave me an anti-hangover pill which worked well.
After that, Bill, Whit, Jen, and I decided to eat some chips. However, Jen ate them all, and all the dip, too. I saw Wendel staring so I walked up behind him and kicked him in the nuts. He tried to wrestle me after that, but I kicked his ass. Terry, Becky, Meg, and Murph were all in Terry's room doing God knows what. Bill began to massage Jen, then somehow got her on the floor and proceeded to hump her. He did apologize, though, Jen thought it was funny. So did Whit and I. Bill had a vodka and cranberry that he didn't want, so he passed it off on me. I didn't want it, so I set it down. Half an hour later he asked me where the drink he gave me was. I looked at the spot where I had set the drink down and it wasn't there. I assumed Becky had drank it, but then I noticed the empty cup in my hand. I can only assume that I drank it. As people started to leave, I decided to as well. I stumbled to my room, thinking I was pretty sober. In my drunk head I thought "I'll take a shower now (2:30 am) so I don't have to in the morning." I found myself singing the High Song in the shower, adn realized how drunk I still was. I made it to bed eventually (AND I WAS CLEAN!). I slept well, and woke up hangover free.
THE END.
Bill's Story
After this, I wised up and told people that typing their own stories would be better on my own personal mental health. Also, writing a version of this became fashionable. This is either because my website is cool, or because I threatened them with physical violence. Thus begat Part 4: Bill's Story.
I guess I can start my description at 8PM, when I consumed my first Mike�s Hard Lemonade (yes, Mike�s Hard Lemonade, I figured I�d treat myself to a beverage that I may have enjoyed that night, despite the fact that it would be very painful later that night). At the time I was in my room. In the room with me was my roommate Whitt, Meg, Dan, and Jon (Jon was not drinking). I was watching TV while resting in our hammock, which is a great story in itself, but I don�t have time to explain that. Anyway, after two beverages (I can�t really call them beers), Meg asked me to go with her to her room to meet her new cat, which had crawled into her room off of the streets of Mansfield. So, Meg, Murph (friend from across the hall, you�ll hear more about him later), and I went to Meg�s room.
Around 8:30 or so, I arrived in Meg�s room. I met her roommate and her cat. It was extremely hot in there, and all that Murph and I did was bitch about the heat. At that point, Meg�s friends Becky, Mychael, and Julia decided that Meg was going to a party with them. So, we all left, Murph and I headed toward Cedar Crest, while the girls headed for the party. Each of us returned to our respective rooms to begin the night�s festivities.
Around 9PM, I was back in my room, imbibing another Mike�s. While I was doing so, the phone rang. Of course it was the girls who finally realized that they would have more fun on 2A, than at any party on campus. So, the girls decided to come visit us. They came down to my room first, but soon after they came down, I decided to see what was going on across the hall in Murph�s room, otherwise known as TGI Wendel�s.
All week I had been insisting on playing the "Because I Got High" song drinking game with Murph, Terry, Wendel, Miles, and whoever else would be there. So, I decided that that night would be the night to do it. It took a little while, but I convinced them to do it. Unfortunately for them, they had to chug Corona. I thought I was at an advantage with the Mike�s, but I would prove myself wrong later. Maybe I should explain the High game before I continue. We listen to the beloved song as performed by the great musician who calls himself Afro Man. Every time he says the word "high" we drink. Now if you�ve ever heard the song, you know that this happens extremely often, in fact it happens 49 times. Luckily for us, Murph was short two verses of the song. Anyway, we decided to play the high game. Murph and I were the only two to finish, in fact in a little over three minutes I had consumed two and a half Mike�s Hard Lemonades (except for a little I spilled/spit while laughing). After the song, I felt ok, except for a fairly full stomach. After about 10 minutes or so, the room began to spin a little. My stomach also began to expand rapidly. It was a pretty intense pain. So, I got out of the chair I was in (this proved more difficult than I figured) and went to my room to lay in bed to try to settle my stomach. Before entering my room, I was in so much pain I went to the bathroom to break the seal, hopefully starting to get some stuff out of my system. If I was lucky, I figured, I�d puke. Unfortunately, I did not. So, for the next 20 minutes or so, I laid in bed moaning in pain due to the effects of too much Mike�s Hard Lemonade. NEVER drink that much of that stuff in 3 minutes. It was a huge mistake.
My stomach settled after a while, so I walked back over to Murph�s room to continue my night. At the time I walked back in, I noticed that the 6 people or so that were there when I left had doubled to around 12. I didn�t think anything of it, so I sat down, began to drink again and talked with the people in the room. At this point my evening begins to get a little bit "cloudy." I know what happened, but I�m not really sure what order it happened in. Anyway, I�ll continue with what I think happened.
I had lost all track of time at this point, so I�m just going to go through the events that happened next. At some point, Murph, Meg, Terry, and Becky went into Terry�s room to do something. I prefer not to know what happened in there, but I�m sure we�ll find out in their summaries of the night. Anyway, out in the main room, Miles, Mike, Jen, and I were watching TV and basically having a drunken conversation (except for Jen, who was most likely laughing at our drunken conversation). At some point in the conversation, I decided that I was going to give Jen a back massage. She gladly accepted my invitation and I began rubbing her back. At some point in the massage I remember Jen enjoying the time, maybe even moaning (not a sexual moaning, let�s not get too excited). This continued for some time, while we all continued talking. At some point, I decided that I had to go to the bathroom, so Whitt took over for me. Upon returning from the bathroom, I asked Jen to lie down so I could continue rubbing her back. I apologized in advance for any sexual advances I would make toward her and I sat on top of her. I don�t think that she or anyone expected me to do so, because I got an odd response. I didn�t care though, because I was on top of a girl (You must realize that I am fairly drunk at this point). I don�t remember exactly what I said to Jen while on top of her, but I know that I probably shouldn�t have said what I did. I know that I hit on her in some way, and she seemed to laugh at my drunkenness. In fact, the next day she asked me if I remembered any of it. Hopefully, if she writes a summary of the night you can get an idea of what I said. All I know is that I bent over at times to talk into her ear. Anyway, after that was over, Jen decided to eat a whole bag of Tostidos, and most of a container of dip. I had a small bit more to drink, until I tried to give my drink to Miles.
At this point I realized that if I had too much more to drink, I would be hung over in the morning. Because of this, I began to drink water. Terry filtered water for me, and I drank water in basically 22-ounce shots. Sometime later Meg S. and Matt Spatz came over. We all talked and hung out for a while until they left. Shortly after they left, I said good night to everyone in the room and proceeded to bed around 1:30AM. I thought my night was over, but I was very wrong.
At 3:20 AM, I woke up because I had to go to the bathroom. So, I dragged myself out of bed and opened the door. To my surprise, Whitt was standing on a foldable lounge chair trying to get into our hammock. He failed miserably. The chair fell; Whitt fell along with it, while the hammock flipped over. I yelled at him for being stupid while he told me about a town party he went to. I guess he and Dan had followed a couple girls from Dunkin Donuts to a party. There, he drank lots of beer. After explaining this, Whitt decided that it would be fun to run into the hammock as hard as he could until he couldn�t go any further, and sort of fly back. The last time he did this, he actually hit me, propelling me violently into the door of my bedroom. It was rather amusing. After seeing this (and laughing incredibly hard), I went to the bathroom. After that refreshing trip, I escorted Whitt to bed to end my night. I woke up the next morning around 11:30 AM without a hangover. I was extremely happy about that. WHAT A NIGHT...
Whit's Story
It turns out when saying who I still needed summaries from, Bill heard me mention the name "Mike". It turns out that Whit's real name is Mike as well (who knew?). So thus, although I originally didn't plan on recieving a story from Whit, here is Part 5: Whit's story.
As it seems now, these are all of hte accounts I am going to recieve, because Terry has promised and failed a number of times to give me his story, and both John and Wendel don't want to tell me jack shit. So now I leave the story up to you, the viewer. What really did happen that night? The world may never know. I suppose we all just have to go on with our lives, one day at a time.
--Scuba Steve, October 25, 2001
Monday: Murph is quoted as saying "I'm not gonna remember my name friday night!"
Murph's Story Ends abruptly at this point.
9:30 First beer
9:37 Second beer
9:45 (maybe) high song.... BAD IDEA!
10:00 Go visit Megan in Jon's Room. Get a massage.... YES!
--:-- I forget a lot here.
A LOT of people show up at my room
I'm real drunk
Disappear for about half an hour
Start singing -- FORGET MY NAME
End up in bed with Megan
SHE breaks the futon
"mom" yells at me for being drunk, so I shut the window
Wake up hung over, the futon is broke and somehow I have a swollen ankle
Megan Leaves
I take a shower (another funny story)
Realize how extremely hammered I was.
8:00 - I go to Whit's room to start drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade with Bill... At about 10:00 Mark, Mark, Mike [scribbled out words] chugged Coronas to the High Song. After that Murph comes over to Whit's room and says, "Ughhh... don't ever chug Corona" We came back to Murph's room to chill... We all kept drinking, and we decide that it would be a good idea to take shots of Absolute Vodka [more scribbled out words] (LICK SLAM SUCK!) at this time Miles took his first body shot and enjoyed it like it was his job. [scribbles] Everyone pretty much clamed down, but the two Marks and Mike thought it would be a good idea to take a "goodnight shot" before bed. Mike and Wendel followed the shot with a round of drinking to the song "Roxanne." Everyone decided it was bed time so me and Murph sack out on the futon. 5 mins after laying down I stretch my leg out and put my foot through the previously broken futon [NOTE FROM SCUBA: Miles talked shit about Wendel, so Wendel leapt across the room onto Miles, who happened to be sitting on the futon. This busted teh futon up wuite good. Wendel then proceeded to "fix" it using elmer's glue. Yeah. Back to the story] Approximately 15 minutes later it starts raining, even though Murph said "it's not raining babe, go back to bed," really really hard so murph decides to get up and close the window. the next day he wakes up and tells me that he thought the noisy blinds was his mother yelling at him to stop drinking. [scribbles] He then said to himself"Mom, shut up" and proceeds to close the window. So... the next day Murph asks me, "Meg, my ankel is swollen... do you [scribbles again]have any clue how that happened?" Oh what a night.
About 9:00 pm EST, I wander down to Scuba's room, as I often do. I enter the room, sit down, and start talkin with Mark, Mark, Terry, and Mike. The Coronas come out and Wendel says that he wouldn't mind if it was just the 5 of us tonight and that he just wanted to take it easy and shoot the shit. About half an hour later there was at least a dozen people in the room. Everyone was on their second beer when someone mentions that we shoudl play the "high game." We proceed to play the high game, we being myself, Mark, Mark, Terry, Mike, and Bill. Terry and myself drop out after 1, because slamming Corona is disgusting. I'm not sure how Wendel and Mike made out. Murph got through 2 before quitting. He was in rough shape after that... to say the least. Bill made it through the whole song drinking hard lemonades, which is basically cheating. He was in rough shape after that, too.
"Becky was here, because
there was beer, because
Becky was here, becase
there was beer"
So, I guess it is my responsibility to let anyone who cares know about what I remember from the night of Friday October 5, 2001. Before reading this summary of the night�s festivities, you must realize that at some points I have consumed a fair amount of alcohol. These descriptions are written as I remember them, and hopefully through reading other accounts of the night, I can figure out exactly what happened. HERE WE GO...
The evening began with a haircut and my weekly trip to the booze depository. They don't card me anymore, which is good so when I'm actually 21 I can start using my real ID if I have to. I came back here and had a couple of beers during dinner and after Jon and I cleaned the room. Then Dan and Meg came over and them, bill and myself began the festivities. I was hanging out with Meg, Dan, and Meg's friends while Bill went across the hall for a bit. He came back a little later in quite a bit of pain. Mike (of Mike's Hard Lemonade) had punched him in the stomach so he laid down for a while. I then made my way over to TGIWendel's and started to drink because the party was going on over there. I was told on Sunday that Becky stole a beer from my crotch and drank most of it while my head was turned, I had no idea. After a little while Bill started to give Jen a rubdown ;-) and proceeded to whisper sweet nothings into her ear. She found this quite amusing; at least she seemed to be. While Bill (on top of Jen at this point) was still "massaging" her, Jen and I discovered a bag of chips and French onion dip. We ate the whole thing and I still couldn't tell you what French onion dip tastes like. Dan came in after this and asked if I wanted to go to Drunken Donuts. So I left Jen to be romanticized by Bill and Dan and I were on our way. Somehow we ended up past Elliot but we made it to Dunken Donuts eventually. At Drunken, we were going to hit on some townies from Wellsboro but had their hands full with Wheels. Wheels is the local drunk with no legs and a wheelchair that can go about mach 3 on down hills. He and this other weird dude that looked like Glen Humplick were hitting on the girls and Wheels saw Chris Christian�s girlfriend and said, "Is that my baby?" and went into the store to talk to them. We were outside so we didn�t know what he was saying to them but when he came outside while Chris and his girlfriend were leaving and told Chris to think of the song by Emerson, Lake and Palmer and sang the lyrics to Lucky Man, "Ohhhh, what a lucky man......she was" (and yes he did say "...she was"). After that excitement was over Dan wanted drop by Bob�s house because there was a party going on. Who Bob was I had no idea and neither of us knew where he lived. So we followed this hot girl and her fat friend and that�s where they happened to go. We hung out there for a while and I got extra drunk. Dan tried to show us a joke or a magic trick (I don�t remember what it was) but he screwed it up because he was so drunk, it was pretty funny. I don�t remember walking home but I do remember trying to get in the hammock when I got back around 3am. Bill came out and couldn�t figure out what I was doing. I gave up trying to get on and just swung from it for a while. The first time I did it I hit Bill with my ass and launched him into the door. At this point I thought it would be a good time to go to bed.
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