From the title of this most of you are guessing that this is gonna be one of the more unpredictably goofy articles I've written, such as the salmon one, but no, this article is based completely in fact, which is the true scariness of it all. Our story begins late one Sunday night.
Late one Sunday night, the 18th of March to be exact, DevNul, Shinigami, and myself headed off to the one place in Mansfield where you can buy things. The mystical magical palace of savings that is Walmart. Off we went, courtesy of my badass car, which we shall refer to henceforth as the Badassmobile.
It went much like most trips to Walmart with two people who had smoked pot before coming. And by that I mean it was rather surreally interesting. It's especially fun to food shop with people who have the munchies. We spent our whole time food shopping, and durign this time I discovered a craving eep inside myself for that god among foods, mozarella sticks. Sadly, I could find none, so I decided that I would settle for chicken tenders instead. Oh, what a horrible mistake I have made.
After returning home, I cooked myself the chicken, because of the immense hunger I often feel after buying food. I assume that this is not an uncommon feeling, as Shinigami and DevNul did the same. The chicken cooked up to look like this.
Mmmmm... Tasty looking, eh? Well, THIS is what I saw on the inside!
PURPLE! How could anyone do this to me? Is this some cruel joke? These pictures have not been doctored in any way. This is actually purple frickin chicken.
This is what the box looks like. I have taken this picture, so you know what NOT to buy (unless your big into purple chicken). Trust me, eating this purple chicken was a traumatic experience for me. I had a bad dream about it the night afterwards, and I almost wretched the next time I tried to eat chicken.
Look at this! Inspected my ass! Either someone in the inspection department at the place they do this stuff was slackin off, or its okay with the government to give people purple chicken, without warning. It's a conspiracy I tell you!
Well, I'm not gonna take it. This is me with my receipt. I know for a fact that Walmart will take almost anything at all back for a refund, and here is me proudly displaying mine. As I write this part fo the article, I am preparing to head off to Walmart to get my well-earned refund.
In fact, I should sue for mental damages.
--Scuba Steve, March 21, 2001