I Can't Even Call Them Gay because It's An Insult to Gay People!!

I'm gonna start this out with a question that most every one of you should ask yourself at the beginning at almost anything I write on this site: "Hey, remember the 80's?" I know it sounds like a bad cliche line from a show hosed by Goat Boy, but follow me on this one. In the 80's a new type of sport was being forged by people who most people considered slackers. Yes, I'm talking about skateboarding. I don't skateboard myself. Hell, sometimes I have trouble walking. But I do respect those who can do it. Tony Hawk is truly an astounding man, and in many people's estimations is a great athlete. If Tiger Woods is an athlete, Tony Hawk is a damn Olympian.

Sadly, this is not all about Tony Hawk. Anyway, skateboarding eventually begot a little sport called rollerblading, which was the 90's version of skating. To be honest with you, rollerblading was sort of lame. It was obviously a copy of skateboarding, but it wasn't too bad, considering that you didn't look completely stupid when doing it. And it was semi entertaining, just look at the movie Rollerboys, starring Corey Haim.

Anyway, its been fun thus far to look at the evolution of the skateboard, but like a Pokemon gone bad, each evolution brought it closer to total suckiness. The 2000 evolution of the skateboard is something that reaches a level of suckiness and trendiness combined that is rivalled only by vests. You guessed it, I'm talking about razor scooters.

When a scooter is in motion, another part is usually on top of it called an "idiot"

Ever since they burst onto the scene last year, razor scooters have been a great way to get around quickly and look stupid. Back when they were first popularized many people bought them, thinking that they couldn't possibly become trendy because, let's face it, they are just too retarded looking. These people are known as trendsetters.

Let's take a moment to define some terms:

trendsetter-someone who does something and because they do it it becomes popular

trendy person(people)-basically copies everything off a trendsetter.

loser-doesn't follow trends, does what they enjoy. Usu. hates trendy people. Me.

There are very few trendsetters, most people are mindless trendy people, who see these cool trendsetting people on scooters once and decide that they need one too. By the end of the summer every trendy person alive owns a razor scooter. What an insult to skaters everywhere.

This is easily the coolest thing you will ever see a scooter doing.

Trends are evil. I don't think I remember a trend that wasn't stupid. Think of all the trendy things out there right now. People are buying Dave Matthews Band CDs, wearing tek vests, and going to see really bad movies, all because they've seen more popular people do it. How do you think ska temporarily became popular in the mid 90's? It sure as hell wasn't on music quality.

Scooters are also being sold on the internet, at astounding prices. Where do you think I stole all the pics for this? They are so popularized that there are people out there selling bootlegged imitation razor scooters. I'm gonna repeat that, because it bears repeating. Imitation razor scooters. I'm sure it's a great way to make money, but please you stupid pieces of fecal matter, if your gonna bootleg something for a profit, don't bootleg trendy shit, bootleg pokemon or CD's or even pr0n, but for the love of all that is holy, DON'T EVER PUT MORE OF THESE STUPID PIECES OF CRAP ON THE MARKET!!!!!! EVER!!!!

This person obviously has never seen what he looks like while riding a scooter.

Anyway, scooters have become incredibly popular. I've seen people riding them everywhere from my small hicksville hometown to my small hicksville college town. Every time I see someone on one, I want to swerve the car, and hit them. The way I figure it, there's no way I will go to jail. The police will applaud my work at ridding the streets of an idiot, people will hail me as a hero, and other scooter riders will think twice before scootering on my street. Or any other street hopefully.

In the background are the ghosts of all the scooters I killed this week.

I urge all of you to do the same. If you see someone riding a scooter, make their life a living hell. You don't need to kill them. You can, but you don't need to. Just scream insults at them, or kick them off their scooter. Make sure they know that you are only torturing them because they are riding a scooter. Once they realize that riding a scooter will brign them pain and torture they will stop riding them. I learned about it in psychology last semester. It is called punishment. When they realize that they don't want to be punished anymore, they will stop being jackasses. Hopefully.

If not, shoot them. One less scooter on the road.

--Scuba Steve, January 31, 2001